AIBU? Worried about my maintenance payments ending and how I’ll live

[Tiredmum1106]

My daughter (11) gets nearly £700 a month from her biological father, they met briefly (age2) but it wasn’t a meeting I arranged for visitation, I wanted to know what support I was going to get from Him.

He’s paid every month since on time, we have got accustomed to this money now, we didn’t have it before as it was a casual relationship rather than actual dating.

what are we going to do once he no longer has to pay maintenance, can I get a court order to make him carry on until she’s financially stable?

they haven’t met since the day he came to discuss payments as he wanted to do it out of CMS, I declined as he should pay the exact amount CMS said, to the penny.

Now it does yes.
But when she’s 18 or out of FTE, then what?
Why should he pay you?

If she goes to University and he helps support her directly, would you still expect him to pay you cash too?

Just out of interest OP when do you think would be a fair time for him to stop payments? I ask as my DH is still paying for his child who is almost 20yrs.

As everyone has said, you won't be entitled to payments after she is 18 regardless of whether she still lives with you or not.
You have time to plan what to do regarding shortfall though which is a good thing . Use the time as wisely as you can.

Once she’s finished University and has a well paid job which means she’s financially stable.

I understand I will need to live off the benefits I get and my money will drop dramatically. I have a lot of debt that I’m paying monthly for as I wasn’t always getting help from him to start with!! It’s startEd once I had found him via FB (dd age 2) So until that’s finished too would help! As if he was providing from the beginning when I told him we were pregnant, then I wouldn’t be in this situation! I pay £300 a month towards the debt.

He ran away from his responsibilities as a father so I don’t feel bad taking him to the cleaners if I’m quite honest! He’s lied and tried to get out of paying when he started, even going as far as to make me and my daughter to a DNA test 🙄

So do you want him to support her whilst she’s at University, or give the money to you? If the former, you get nothing if the latter, she’ll get nothing. Or do you expect him to support you both and pay more?

What makes you think she’ll have a well paid job straight out of University?

I think OP you are wildly misinformed about reasonable financial expectations both in the job market and what you should be entitled to.

If it was a casual relationship, non-committed, and you could have been sleeping with someone else, he was right to do that.

You sound vindictive and actually quite grasping. He will owe you nothing past 18 as he no longer needs to support a child.

If he owes you money, Rey to get that back if you can. But just accept that you will have to stand on your own two feet and provide for yourself.

There’s no “allowed” about it, you pay £250 to self rep at family court. Not difficult.

My ex - who I was married to, and he wanted a child, fucked off after my 12 week scan, hasn’t contacted me since, and pays fuck all via CMS because he’s a job hopping, unstable arsehole who is very adept at avoiding them.

However, it’s not about who gets how little for their child - frankly, no single parent should have to accept whatever paltry crumbs their ex throws their child’s way and the law needs a radical and immediate overhaul.

What it’s about, is this - you pay £300 a month towards debt. That’s £3600 a year. For how many years? How much do you owe? Have you had any debt advice?

Are you claiming all the disability benefits you’re entitled to? I had severe birth injuries that required a couple of surgeries to fix, but I’m struggling to imagine what could happen that would render you entirely unable to work for the rest of your life, tbh.

As for when she’s a student - you are classed as Nil Income, meaning she will get a full ride loan and grant wise, will qualify for whatever other funds her particular University has available for teens from a disadvantaged background (and they’re not a low amount, either).

Once she’s finished University and has a well paid job which means she’s financially stable.

Now I'm sure this is a wind up.

You said it wasent a commitd relationshop ,so its fair he got a DNA test and maintence only starts from the day you mske a claim
And your assuming a lot ,your daughter is 11 maybe she wont go to university and get a well paid job.

So its his child when if comes to finances ,and only your daughter in all other repects ?

NukaColaQuantum when they live 400 miles away, despite any court order it can be made very difficult for any sort of contact.

£700 a month OP for circa 9 years.
That’s £75k.

Is he a particularly high earner?

She’s only 11 so it’s not going to happen any time soon. Potentially the maintenance won’t stop until she’s finished further education, which will be when she’s 18/19. That’s still ages away.
You have this time now to prepare for the income drop by increasing your own income.

Hopefully by that time he will support her directly the same way you will probably do.

You’ve had £700 a month since she was 2. She’s now 11. That’s £58,800 so far and the same again until she’s 18.

How did you rack up so much debt in 2yrs and 9months before that, that you are still paying off the debt 7yrs later to the tune of £300 a month????!!!!

He must be earning at least £100,000 to be paying £700 for one child.

Sorry, Quincy is right, it’s £75,600 - so even more.

Its’s just over £75k (700129)

When I was a single parent with 3 dc my exh paid £5 a week for all dc, it stopped the week the eldest turned 16. I think you are very lucky to receive £700 a month for one dc but yabu to think it will continue until they are adult.

That should have said 700 X 12 X 9

Yep, a big earner and he’s paid consistently since she was 2.

Obviously know nothing more about this guy, but these don’t necessarily appear to be the actions of a guy who hasn’t at least taken on board the financial aide of things.

Not saying it makes him a good dad either, but OP wants to take him to the cleaners.

It’s attitudes like this that give single mothers a bad name OP.

Out of curiousity, what did you used to do for a living?

I still dont believe this thread, its a drip feed of information where each post is written to be more provoking than the post before it.
However, if it is true then OP you sound like a money grabber out for what you can get. God help you when you have to stand on your own two feet.

It seems fair enough to want proof if there's any doubt tbh

You will still have to keep the roof over your head and heat the house when she leaves home. He has no obligation to fund you when she's independent. His obligation is to contribute to the expense incurred bringing her up, which he is doing.

A debt that’s taken you 7 years to pay at 300 per month would have been around 30k to start with

if you didn’t get his 700 for 2 years thats 16k you missed out on

im still saying clear and obvious reverse!