I can’t stand one of my colleagues

[TimeAtTheBar]

And it’s really out of order of me because she’s actually very well meaning.

I am her manager and only started last month. I was meant to have a handover from the outgoing manager but she bailed on her notice. So this girl (and she is a girl; about 19) who has been there the longest has been my go -to for questions about specifics. I mean stuff like where we keep the XYZ. I had some training in a different site but not as much as would have been ideal so I’m having to wing it a bit; my boss is fine with this and I’m getting lots of support from them.

But this particular colleague is getting right on my tits. She keeps correcting me. Over tiny stupid things that don’t matter. She talks over me with customers. She tells me to do things.

It’s partly of my own making I think because I deferred to her knowledge in the first week but I just want to scream in her face that I AM HER BOSS when she pulls me up on things.

My current strategy is just ‘yes I know that thank you’ or laughing when she tells me what to do. But any minute now my last nerve is going to snap and I’m going to say something I’ll regret.

She’s also not actually very good at her job and I am going to have to have a conversation about her standards with her soon which makes it even more laughable that she patronises me.

im posting while on my lunch break, she hasn’t left me alone, every time there’s more than one customer she has asked me to come and assist.

Just posting for a rant really. I know I’m being unreasonable. I need to gently assert that I’m the one in charge, not her.

Because she isn't one.

You seem to have a problem with youth! 'Very young' & 'girl' as though it's a way to demean them.

I was on your other thread about how hellish your old job was

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4611084-to-think-this-is-hell

have you considered the issue might be you?

Presumably you were happy to ask for information from her initially and now you no longer need her but you haven't informed her of that. Could you genuinely think she is helping you? She may believe she is training in a colleague if your job is also to jump on the tills when its busy?

Have you had an official meeting with the staff yet?

What is the general atmosphere in the workplace? Do management pitch in generally or do they oversee?

I think you have a management issue rather than a staff issue tbh.

All of this. You relied on her for information and support and now you are looking down on her for giving information and support?

You are being utterly unreasonable.

I do exactly the same job as the staff but have the overall responsibility on top. It’s very much not a ‘manage from the office’ job. Which is why she has had so much opportunity to correct my work. It’s pretty fucking constant.

And annoyingly I am still making mistakes (‘wrong’ crockery for something, picking up a gluten free bun with the wrong tongs) a couple of times and the utter glee with which she jumps on me is quite disturbing.

All this drama over a part time retail job 🙄

The "girl" will have left for better things in 2 years time and you'll still be seething and moaning.

It's not your house though. It's a professional work place OP is speaking about.

I agree with @MavisChunch29, @TimeAtTheBar - you need to have a firm discussion with her about who is the boss now, and that you won’t be putting up with her scolding you or interrogating you or your decisions any more.

Well that’s shockingly rude on several fronts.

It’s not a part time job. But thanks for suggesting it’s a shit one that people move on to better things from.

I think I’m just in a foul mood in general today. I’m on day seven of a nine day stretch due to staff sickness. My back hurts where I’ve pulled a muscle. And I’m working on my own this afternoon which means I won’t be out of here until late (luckily it’s not busy).

I think she’s just hit a nerve today because I’m (literally) breaking my back for this job and she’s treating me like an idiot she needs to correct.

You need to have a conversation with your colleague and the sooner you have the conversation with her the better, for everyone involved.
You can thank her for pointing you in the direction of the till rolls etc. while you found your feet, but you have now found your feet and you don't need her watching over you. As her manager, you are the one who should be watching over her and how she is doing things.

You now want to clarify that you no longer want to discuss personal matters in earshot of a customer and if they have a question and it isn't work related, they must ask for a quick moment with you to discuss it, as their manager. You will not be tolerating discussions about personal appointments in earshot of the customer. All personal matters are just that - personal - and not to be discussed on the shop floor (or wherever you work).
You will be slowly introducing new processes and procedures and they have to be ready to implement these, such as the new location for whatever it was that you were apparently putting in the 'wrong' place in her eyes.

Best of luck to you with this.

Maybe she thought she was going to get your job when the last manager left . She sounds quite ambitious to me . Is this a cafe in a well known store ?

And annoyingly I am still making mistakes (‘wrong’ crockery for something, picking up a gluten free bun with the wrong tongs) a couple of times

Picking up a gluten free bun with the wrong tongs can have consequences though? So you are still learning the ropes and she is trying to coach you (but not in a nice way)?

Can you implement things such as colour coding for allergies? Makes it easier all around especially if the annoying colleague is a student and could be leaving your workplace soon enough? It also establishes your superiority as the manager making decisions?

What kind of mistakes is she picking you up on OP? It sounds like you’re still making some pretty big errors - cross contamination is something you should be absolutely aware of as a manager.

It does sound alot like you look down on her for her age and resent requiring her help.

Don't forget age is a protected characteristic under the equality act. Would you keep being a colleagues race into the fact you don’t like them for example?

Are you posting on MN while you’re on shift OP? apologies if I’ve misunderstood something.

The tongs are colour coded. I made a mistake in a rush. She went on and on and on and on. And the bun went in the same bag as a flapjack so the fact it was GF wasn’t an issue.

I’ve got no customers. I’m sitting down trying to stop my back from hurting.

Next time she patronises you say calmly 'you're coming accross as very rude when you do that, did you realise?'

She can't treat you like an idiot op, you're a grown ass woman ff sake

You sound annoying too so she probs feels the same way to be fair!

Can this colleague/staff member see you sitting down scrolling on your phone when its not busy?
I would not be impressed tbh.

FFS I am here on my own. Literally alone.

Why don't you manage? Seeing as that is what you are supposed to do. Manager.
Ask for a chat. Take her to one side. Simply explain, I've noticed that xxxx you corrected me .... and then it won't be an issue will it.
FFS.

I haven't much knowledge about coffee shops/restaurants/hospitality other than being a customer but can you see any way to make improvements there ie make your mark?

Call a meeting with the staff members and ask for their input too. Show them you are listening and trying to improve their working environment. I suppose you have to earn their respect if they are longterm employees and for the short term staff separate yourself from them. E.g you can say you will not be available between 3-5pm as you will be doing paperwork and you have to meet deadlines. Create some boundaries rather than have other staff members tell you to serve customers. Set a schedule. Direct them to cover different areas in between customers. Take charge!

Just remembered when I was working in a similar place, anyone annoying the manager was given a tedious (but necessary) job to do - e.g. cleaning all the fridges - I think largely to remind them that the manager was the manager. And because it needed doing sometime.