I can’t stand one of my colleagues

[TimeAtTheBar]

And it’s really out of order of me because she’s actually very well meaning.

I am her manager and only started last month. I was meant to have a handover from the outgoing manager but she bailed on her notice. So this girl (and she is a girl; about 19) who has been there the longest has been my go -to for questions about specifics. I mean stuff like where we keep the XYZ. I had some training in a different site but not as much as would have been ideal so I’m having to wing it a bit; my boss is fine with this and I’m getting lots of support from them.

But this particular colleague is getting right on my tits. She keeps correcting me. Over tiny stupid things that don’t matter. She talks over me with customers. She tells me to do things.

It’s partly of my own making I think because I deferred to her knowledge in the first week but I just want to scream in her face that I AM HER BOSS when she pulls me up on things.

My current strategy is just ‘yes I know that thank you’ or laughing when she tells me what to do. But any minute now my last nerve is going to snap and I’m going to say something I’ll regret.

She’s also not actually very good at her job and I am going to have to have a conversation about her standards with her soon which makes it even more laughable that she patronises me.

im posting while on my lunch break, she hasn’t left me alone, every time there’s more than one customer she has asked me to come and assist.

Just posting for a rant really. I know I’m being unreasonable. I need to gently assert that I’m the one in charge, not her.

Anyway I’ve just had a lovely call from my boss thanking me for all my hard work in the last month and how much they all value me already; and that the improvements I’ve already implemented have made a big difference.

So I’m not doing too badly…

@TimeAtTheBar Did you tell boss about 19 year old? I feel like that would of been a good opportunity to mention it quickly

She’s not a girl, she’s a woman. An adult woman.

Quite clearly you see her as a child as you have a child the same age, but similarly, your child is also not a girl but an adult woman.

And it doesn’t matter that you are her manager, if you get something wrong it’s absolutely okay for her to pull you up on it. A good manager would recognise that and say thank you.

such convenient timing!

Well I get you OP. Don’t know where all the vitriol, fantasy and sanctimony has come from. I have a theory, maybe people are just in from work and grumpy. Maybe if you posted post dinner time you’d have got a better response.

19 IS a girl. Course it is. I mean yes an adult according to the law…but otherwise to those longer in the tooth and more experienced, 19 is still very young.

I think you need to go in there tomorrow with a different head on. Just be frank with her. Thanks for your support thus far but I’ll be taking the lead from here. Any questions? Good.
Then give her a task.

It’s not about punishing her in any way but establishing your roles. The longer you leave it the harder it will be.

OP, honestly you sound a bit jealous of her.

You do come across as ageist or defensive. If she wasn’t a “girl”, would you feel this jaded?

I work with hundreds of colleagues and also have the unfortunate pleasure of dealing with the public. People tell me how to do my job “properly” loads of times - don’t take it the wrong way. I say thank you, correct them, show them the guidance, say it’s not my first time etc. But I never go home thinking about anyone who says this to me, I don’t give it a second thought. I know I’m good at my job and that my workplace would fail to function without me, I don’t need my ego stroked at every interaction. Sometimes it’s okay to listen to someone else’s perspective and see where they’re coming from, even if you did nothing wrong.

She sounds annoying but you need to get in soon before you do something you regret. I would take her aside, thank her for helping you settle in, and tell her that she can now stand down as you are able to handle things without so much assistance, and can call her if you need to ask her anything. And then would also tell her that you have been developing some ideas about how you want things done going forward, and will share them with her soon.

I think if the conversation turns to you again and what you are doing/didn’t do, turn it back on her and politely ask her to get on with her job. “Thank you but I can see this customer is waiting, can you help them?” “Are you free? If so, can you complete this task please”

I have already said I’m happy to have mistakes corrected. That’s not the only issue though. She picks holes in EVERYTHING.

I made myself a coffee in a china mug and she told me quite strongly that all the other staff drink out of takeaway cups and I’m the only one who uses a mug. I just said I never drink out of paper cups so I’ll carry on using a mug, thanks.

I used a large jug to make a single latte for a customer, planning to use the rest of the milk in my own drink, and she (in front of the customer) said no no that’s the wrong jug. I just stared at her and said it’s not, thank you.

I stirred a hot chocolate with a teaspoon and she told me I should be using a fork as that’s what she does.

I asked her to make a particular order but without X as we don’t have it. She told me that I’d have to tell the costumer we don’t have it and see if they still want it without it. I said I’ve obviously just had that conversation and that’s why I’m asking you to make it.

And it’s all in a really patronising tone. There’s lots more. These were all today.

Costumer 🤡 ffs autocorrect

It will be soon... No one will be able to afford to leave home until then and that apparently makes you not a woman 😂

It sounds like you’re finding problems where there aren’t any simply because you don’t like her nor how young she is.

You are clearly ageist, as evidenced by your comment about the other managers age, and think because you’re older you are better.

@pictish What age would you no longer class someone a girl then?

Not really, I worked most of the day solo and I’ve worked two extra days this week to cover. He was calling to check in (and probably to make sure I’m not about to quit).

God there's some nasty bastards on musmnet.

I made myself a coffee in a china mug and she

this one is a non-issue. I would just laugh or say “that’s interesting”. Double check if there’s any guidance that you’re not allowed to use open cups/glass cups on the shop floor though.

I used a large jug to make a single latte

i would give her the benefit of the doubt here. She wasn’t to know you were also going to also make yourself a drink out of the same jug as that’s not necessarily the usual process

I stirred a hot chocolate

I would ask her why, and then say something like “not to worry, it has the same result if you put some elbow grease in” or something. I’m assuming the fork makes for a smoother drink.

I asked her to make a particular order

this one you can control the conversation a bit more, “yes they have requested this drink already, please don’t keep them waiting any longer”

Nonsense. Every single member of my team is under 20 and the others are lovely.

There’s no way you wouldn’t be irritated by being told literally everything you are doing is wrong, when it isn’t. It’s none of her business what mug I use or what I stir a drink with.

This place is actually something else lolll no 19 year old girl wants to be called a woman and no one in real life (at least up here in the north) would ever refer to a 19 year old as a woman. A girl or a lassy is what she is!

yanbu though op

@Mangogogogo but then what age would you class someone a woman then?

Lol how old you? Cause I’m early 20s and 19 year olds definitely don’t want to be referred to as children or babied. They hate being ID’d even. They don’t want to feel like they’re not taken seriously at work due to their age either, even if they want to be considered “young” outside of work.

I think that you need to have a meeting with her. Thank her for her help so far and make her duties clear and give her a list of dos and don’ts. At 19, she won’t be very experienced.

@Halloweenyesterday
Yeah I can’t help being a bit annoyed about the girl comments! I was working 4 years and had a long term relationship at 19

Give over! I have 2 teens that work and they think they know it all.

This. You sound very insecure tbh.

Well tbh I am a tiny bit, I’m in a new environment and I’m finding my feet and her going on at me about everything she thinks I’m doing wrong (especially when they’re not wrong things) isn’t helping much.

She talks to me like I’m stupid. It’s not something I’ve ever had to deal with before and I’ve managed some shockers in the past. This one is new to me.

Im also very tired and my back hurts so I’m probably more prickly than usual.