I can’t stand one of my colleagues

[TimeAtTheBar]

And it’s really out of order of me because she’s actually very well meaning.

I am her manager and only started last month. I was meant to have a handover from the outgoing manager but she bailed on her notice. So this girl (and she is a girl; about 19) who has been there the longest has been my go -to for questions about specifics. I mean stuff like where we keep the XYZ. I had some training in a different site but not as much as would have been ideal so I’m having to wing it a bit; my boss is fine with this and I’m getting lots of support from them.

But this particular colleague is getting right on my tits. She keeps correcting me. Over tiny stupid things that don’t matter. She talks over me with customers. She tells me to do things.

It’s partly of my own making I think because I deferred to her knowledge in the first week but I just want to scream in her face that I AM HER BOSS when she pulls me up on things.

My current strategy is just ‘yes I know that thank you’ or laughing when she tells me what to do. But any minute now my last nerve is going to snap and I’m going to say something I’ll regret.

She’s also not actually very good at her job and I am going to have to have a conversation about her standards with her soon which makes it even more laughable that she patronises me.

im posting while on my lunch break, she hasn’t left me alone, every time there’s more than one customer she has asked me to come and assist.

Just posting for a rant really. I know I’m being unreasonable. I need to gently assert that I’m the one in charge, not her.

She does sound annoying, but it also sounds like you've let her be your boss a bit so far. Have you pushed back? Not the laughing and "I have this thanks" but e.g. when she demands you come and help while you're on a break, said something like "Thanks Maud, I'm sure you can handle it. I'm going to make sure we all get proper uninterrupted breaks from now on."

If they're all incompetent then it may be a training issue and the previous manager was rubbish.
I think you need to, nicely and professionally, take her to one side and let her know that you're managing her and can she refrain from certain behaviours such as xyz as it's inappropriate, but that you do appreciate her support with learning things you ask of her directly.
Take care that you've not been asked to do someone else's dirty work, and d assume training was the heart of problems or lack of decent management and poor work culture if they're all rubbish .. often goes deeper than someone's attitude as if it's systemic it'll be something acting as the catalyst

Have you had a 1-1 with her yet? I would be doing this with the whole team individually but sounds like you need to start with her. Let her know your experience and what your expecting as her manager, should hopefully set some boundaries.

Wow people are overreacting a bit aren't they - she's not treating her appallingly, she's venting on an anonymous forum.

If I went to HR about my boss laughing they would rightly tell me to go away.

She’s technically an adult at 19.
I started working at 15 so would of been working 4 years by the time I was 19.
It used to annoy me being called girl by colleagues or clients. I had friends with their own homes and children at 19.

I think if you are her manager, you should manage her. That means being able to tell her that you’re finding her interference unnecessary. It’s unprofessional of her to correct you or speak over you in front of customers.

I feel awful for saying this but it sounds like you’re not managing her correctly (only from what I’ve read in your OP and obviously that’s just an assumption) which is why she feels like she can do this. She needs to learn how to respect you as her manager, but you need to show her why you need to be respected by pulling her up on these things.

Yanbu for finding her annoying, but Yabu for not sorting this out, it is your job

I’m always amazed by the number of posters on MN who are apparently very senior, experienced, capable managers, yet seem to have no idea how to have the most basic conversations with a team member and have to ask people on here for advice/slag them off behind their backs!

She's not a girl she's a woman have some respect yourself

She’s not a girl . When she asks you to help with something and you take issue as your th4 manager and such requests are beneath you then delegate, jus5 say I will get x .

is this your first job as a supervisor? Have you had training on how to manage people:?

shes a woman at 19 even if she still lives at home with her parents

Mumsnet is so beyond hypocritical.She’s a women because she’s 19 and it’s offensive to call her a girl, but if it was a post about a mum receiving maintenance, not doubt she’d still be a child who needs substantial support from her parents.

Maybe she is just trying to be helpful? Why not book a chat with her, go over the areas she's given you advice on and confirm you are grateful for her help but you've got the gist now. At the same time you could reintroduce yourself as her manager and ask her what areas SHE wants to improve on.

Why do people insist on making things up?

When have I ever said her requests are beneath me?

She’s just told me off, or tried to, for putting something in the ‘wrong’ place. I’ve just said that this is my job, my store, and I’m doing things my way. It’s really hard to describe her tone but she does talk down to me and it’s not something I’ve experienced in a member of my team before so not something I’ve had to manage.

Sorry that my post seems to have got so many people’s backs up ffs. Weird.

She’s just told me off, or tried to, for putting something in the ‘wrong’ place. I’ve just said that this is my job, my store, and I’m doing things my way.
So instead of taking on board any PP suggestions about how to actually manage her, you lost your cool & just pulled rank?

It’s really hard to describe her tone but she does talk down to me and it’s not something I’ve experienced in a member of my team before so not something I’ve had to manage.
She won't respect you for telling her "it's my way or the highway".
You would have been better to give a reason why you wanted Thing X placed in Position Y.
Or very lightly said "it doesn't need to be where you placed it, & going forward, I prefer that we all place it here."
You would have retained more dignity & authority.

im posting while on my lunch break, she hasn’t left me alone, every time there’s more than one customer she has asked me to come and assist.

How long has she been working there. I would be having a meeting with her to discuss why she appears so unable to cope alone. Is it incompetency or is she unable to cope under pressure. Is she on performance related pay for pay rises? Will need to sort herself out if she is. Remedial training course would sort it out.

It's not that hard a management question though. You asked her for guidance at first and she's continued to give it to you. Presumably you haven't had any general conversation asking her to stop; she's less experienced in the world of work (as you know, given that you keep calling her a girl) and probably doesn't intuitively know when to stop telling you how to do things (as you requested this in the first place) nor will her professional communication skills be down pat yet.

So manage her! Big-picture conversation about how the guidance you asked for was only meant to be temporary, how she shouldn't correct you in front of clients and how her tone can be more professional. And you do that without annoyance. Literally that's your job.

I wonder if the previous manager (the one who fucked off) was very very slack and this member of staff kind of ended up having to keep everything in line and up to snuff? She might have got used to being the de facto boss, it happens a lot with incompetent managers.

Maybe you could assume that's the case in your dealings with her, have a proper sit down coffee, ask about how things were before, talk about the changes you are making, and remind her that although she's a good member of staff, she needs to work on her people skills e.g. XYZ.

The thing is, I think it’s just who she is. I had a dentist appointment that was cancelled last week and she challenged me on it. Like ‘I’ve never heard of them cancelling an appointment, I’ve never had one cancelled, why did they cancel it?’ Over and over. Like she thought i was lying, or wrong somehow. Totally bizarre. So it’s not just work related. She just thinks I need constant correction or something.

This is very likely. The old manager (who was also very young) was very shit. There’s a whole host of issues here that I am working through, mainly procedures and things, and I haven’t had much of a chance to get my teeth into the team issues much.

I just want to scream in her face that I AM HER BOSS when she pulls me up on things

Do that then. Well, not scream in her face but have a talk with her assertively giving examples of her attitude and why it has to go.

Then act like her boss. Give her a list of jobs to do.

You have to stop taking this so personally.
Managing diverse personality types is part of your job. Everybody who has ever worked has had a colleague they don't much like. You need to remember you are not there to be liked, or to like people - you are there to get the best performance out of them.

"I'm not sure what you think your problem is with my dental appointment Liz, but I've heard more than enough about it & would appreciate you concentrating on your tasks, not my medical appointments."

Have you not had a team meeting yet or even a 1:1 with her?

Surely that’s the time to assert your authority and explain that as you are new to this particular store, you are interested in hearing her/their opinions on current practices and you will be reviewing and updating store policies in the not too distant future…

Maybe the previous "very young" Manager was her mate, or maybe she thought she was in for a shout at the Manager role and she's trying to stamp some authority on what she sees as "her" workplace having been there the longest. I used to manage teams in a (kind of) retail environment and the first thing was always a cards-on-the-table 1:1 with every member of staff.

It sounds like she feels she has 'ownership' over your workplace, which was re-enforced by you asking her things when you first started (I'm not suggesting you shouldn't have btw, you need to know where stuff is kept obviously) and as pp said, probably due to previous bad management and her having to pick up the slack.
I would suggest a sit down with the whole team, as 1:1 meetings and outline what each person is good at, what they're not and devise a plan for improving going forward - and ask and really listen to feedback on their colleagues too.

With this employee I'd acknowledge her contribution and possibly even give her ownership of some small areas to improve (rearrange the stock room or till area to make it more efficient for example) and if you don't like it then work with her to get it right rather than just override and dictate.

The management - employee relationship needs to have mutual respect and it doesn't seem like that's happening here, but it's your job as the manager to rectify that issue.

I understand the annoyance but I think you need to be a bit assertive from day 1 with this sort of thing or else it'll end with you snapping. Also I agree with pp the girls stuff is a little patronising. I had a colleague calling me 'girl' until the age of bloody 40! It's rude.

I don’t call her a girl to her face obviously.