I can’t stand one of my colleagues

[TimeAtTheBar]

And it’s really out of order of me because she’s actually very well meaning.

I am her manager and only started last month. I was meant to have a handover from the outgoing manager but she bailed on her notice. So this girl (and she is a girl; about 19) who has been there the longest has been my go -to for questions about specifics. I mean stuff like where we keep the XYZ. I had some training in a different site but not as much as would have been ideal so I’m having to wing it a bit; my boss is fine with this and I’m getting lots of support from them.

But this particular colleague is getting right on my tits. She keeps correcting me. Over tiny stupid things that don’t matter. She talks over me with customers. She tells me to do things.

It’s partly of my own making I think because I deferred to her knowledge in the first week but I just want to scream in her face that I AM HER BOSS when she pulls me up on things.

My current strategy is just ‘yes I know that thank you’ or laughing when she tells me what to do. But any minute now my last nerve is going to snap and I’m going to say something I’ll regret.

She’s also not actually very good at her job and I am going to have to have a conversation about her standards with her soon which makes it even more laughable that she patronises me.

im posting while on my lunch break, she hasn’t left me alone, every time there’s more than one customer she has asked me to come and assist.

Just posting for a rant really. I know I’m being unreasonable. I need to gently assert that I’m the one in charge, not her.

She's 19 she's a woman for fucks sake your unreasonable for calling her a girl so disrespectful.

*you're

Just a quick "I think that was quite rude of you" next time she overrides you should sort it out.

I’m betting you’re not a very experienced manager yourself

And at 19 she isn’t a ‘girl’

Rant away, she sounds really annoying.

Take her in hand before you snap

First of all her age is irrelevant although not to you.

Second of all - just say “thanks, I’ve got the hang now, I’m going to stand on my own for a bit and I’ll ask you if I need anything”.

Have that conversation about her standards now.

Maybe she's just a bit immature. I think this depends how she's acting. Sounds like a really annoying girl to me.

That was deeply stupid of you given I'll be deciding if and when you ever get a pay rise you patronising little shit"

So she's your go-to for questions but you get pissed off because you see her as a "girl" at 19 (she's an adult woman) and are responding to this embarrassment by beign rude to her.

You sound like a really awful manager.

Maybe focus on learning your role rather than going on a power-trip.

Yes, this. Perfect.

Second of all - just say “thanks, I’ve got the hang now, I’m going to stand on my own for a bit and I’ll ask you if I need anything”.

This. Perhaps as you went to her for things alot when you first started, she thinks she is still helping you.

Just politely shut it down, and then start to assert yourself more clearly as her manager.
Maybe don't laugh when she tells you what to do. Perhaps start telling her what to do

Who’s going to answer all your questions if you use one of the more unpleasant suggestions given above and she decides to step back a bit?

I have a 19 year old in my house .
No way would she be described by anyone as a woman and nor would she want to be. But she does think she knows everything as younger people do when their life experience is limited. Kind but firm handling needed.

im posting while on my lunch break, she hasn’t left me alone, every time there’s more than one customer she has asked me to come and assist.
And how are you responding to her requests?

It’s partly of my own making I think because I deferred to her knowledge in the first week but I just want to scream in her face that I AM HER BOSS when she pulls me up on things.
So - taking out the screaming part - why are you not already doing this?
"Thanks Liz - I think I'm up to speed now so don't need instruction."
"No Liz, I know that's how you've always done it but we are doing it XYZ way now."
"Liz, can you stop telling me how to do my job, & look to your own tasks? The ABC has been playing up for the last hour, I need you to get on to it."

Are you new to management?
Because you need to stop seething & festering, & start showing some authority & gravitas.

She is a girl. She’s the same age as my daughter and lives at home with her parents.

i literally had to ask her questions on my first few shifts about where the till roll was kept and what day the bins go out. I know how to do my job but she seems to think I need guidance on EVERYTHING.

It’s annoying but also quite amusing. I am a very capable manager which is why I haven’t bitten her head off yet, thank you very much.

The irony is I’ve been brought in to sort the team out as they are quite frankly all incompetent. She hasn’t twigged that yet.

That IS what I’m doing.

And I’ve been giving her direction and instructions, obviously. Still she persists though. It’s just irritating.

As I said, I’m just having a rant really. I can deal with her.

She's not a girl. She's a young woman.

While I don't think there is one age that everyone will agree on for when someone stops being a girl, you'd think most people would agree that someone past school leaving age is no longer one.

She's your colleague and deserves respect. You're treating her appallingly and I hope she's taking your passive-aggressive laughter to HR.

How the fuck am I treating her appallingly?

What a completely bizarre statement.

I have been laughing while saying ‘yes I know that, thanks’. If that’s appalling behaviour to you I would wonder how you navigate life in general. Or were you just trying to put the boot in?

1. You're repeatedly referring to a 19-year-old woman as a girl, when she has more experience in your new working environment than you and has therefore been identified as your first port of call for advice.
2. You're reacting to your annoyance by demeaning her and making a connection to your 19-year-old daughter.
3. You're posting an unprofessional rant on social media and stating you want to scream in her face, which is a complete overreaction to someone just trying to help you (which you acknowledged when you said she means well).
4. You're unable to solve this very simple situation without input from Mumsnet, yet claim to be an amazing manager.

Get over yourself. She’s 19 and sounds like she’s trying to help you out. Not everything has to be a power struggle. I think most of this is going on inside your own head, I’m sure this job is really not that important to her.

She isn’t a girl

neither is your DD

your old fashioned and outdated views are the issue here

In your position I would asking my manager for management training as you don't come across as a competent manager from what you've written.

Rather than feeling threatened by her (which is how you come across) and insecure in your job, why not embrace the fact you have an ally, someone who has been happy to help you through your settling in period and is happy to continue to help you, even if not in a way that suits you.

Have you looked through the training records to understand the areas training is lacking, where perhaps it may not have been delivered in a way they understood, asked how they found their training?

You sound combatative rather than collaborative with this colleague so maybe you need to flip your perspective to figure out why.

😂