To be surprised that so many people have separate finances?

[PlumPudd]

DP and I pretty much share out the paying of our costs, with perhaps a bit of accounting for the fact that we’re on different incomes. The main costs, mortgage, bills, shopping, childcare etc. we broadly split by income, so we have direct debits set up and DP pays a bit more than me. For more discretionary things like clothes, meals out, toiletries, memberships etc. we sometimes pay for our own and sometimes get for both, for example the Amazon account is in DP’s name and we both just get things from there when needed. If I’m doing a clothes shop from H&M DP will add a few bits and I’ll just pay to save on the cost of two deliveries.

Savings are also seen as broadly common e.g. we’re about to move and I’m putting in a bit more than DP just because I’ve ended up with more in the bank, and DP covered some other big costs from their account earlier in the year.

We don’t really keep count, or get pissed off if one pays for more than the other on a particular month as we see the money as our shared money, that’s financing our shared life, regardless of whose income it originally came out of. DP also doesn’t expect me to spend less on discretionary things because my income is a bit lower. It probably helps that neither of us has exorbitant hobbies and that we have a broadly similar view of what’s reasonable to spend on what.

I thought until recently that this is how most couples were, (assuming they are in a committed and happy relationship - different if things are rocky of course) but a few friends have been quite shocked and said that no, they keep their finances very separate. And pay 50 50 or some other carefully calculated split for shared cost like rent / mortgage and then pay for everything else out of their own salary and have their own savings.

So what do you do and why?

Ok too think it's a younger issue. Most 25 year olds would think it odd, wouldn't they? They'd have separate accounts. Possibly and one joint?

Dh and I have only ever had one joint account for the last 25 years. Only recently set up an extra little account each, for no real reason.

Same, also pooled finances and we take equal money out for personal spending instead of keeping what’s left over from our own salary after bills.. I earn more now, he used to earn more. Neither of us is entitled to more personal spending just because of how much we’re paid.

My wife and I keep our finances separate, at least for the time being. (We are both women)

She is working as a supply teacher while retraining for a new career, and I'm the main earner, so all DDs come out of my account. She sold her house to live with me, so that's just how it had always been. We are planning to move house in a few years, so the new mortgage will be in both our names then, and we will set up a joint account for all bills at that time.

One account with ExH... NEVER again. Equal amounts paid into joint account with DP (of 25 years) to cover mortgage/bills etc. Own accounts/savings to do as we please with. He might buy dinner, takeaway, concert tickets etc one month. I might do the same another. I can't be doing with having a discussion before i treat myself to something and i wouldn't expect him to consult with me.

I'm married so don't consider myself independent in life or in finances. We set things up where he takes care of the bills and I take care of the house. He likes being a provider and I'm not against it. I work for money that I spend on myself, my home (decor, cleaning stuff), my own social activities and xmas pressies for both our families and him.

He takes care of all major bills, pays for holidays, savings account, child's activities.

I wouldn't want a joint bank account but we don't need one because I have his card. My money's my own but I'm not a freeloader so it goes on all of us.

i must be the exception as I am in the older age group and although we have a joint household account , the rest of our money is separate.
My first husband cleaned out our 2 joint accounts so once bitten ……..

Me and DH have fully shared finances - yours still sound like split OP.

We have been together 15 years, married for 8. All money goes into one joint account. We move some to joint savings account. All bills, shopping expenses from the one joint account. No discussion of "you spent more than me this month".

First 7ish years of our relationship I was working part time, low salary, raising children while he brought in double my salary. Last 8 years or so I've qualified, gone back to full time and now earning more than double his salary. During that whole time there has never been any arguments over who spends what. It works for us.

DH has always earned more than me. Before we were married, we both paid the same percentage of our salaries into a joint account which we used for bills and other joint expenses, and kept the rest of our wages in our own accounts.

After we got married, we continued to be paid our salaries into our own bank accounts but we each keep £500 of our wages in our personal accounts and transfer everything above that into the joint account. We find that works for us as it means almost everything is paid for out of the joint account....all bills, food, childcare costs, school uniform, whatever but we keep some money separate to do with what we like. So for DH he likes spending his personal/fun money on tech and coffees out. I spend mine on my gym membership, clothes for myself, personal savings etc and there's no arguments about it as that's our designated personal spending money.

I couldn't envisage a situation where I'd have to ask DH to transfer me money because I'd paid for clothes for DDs, or splitting the bill with him for a meal out as it seems like a right faff but it depends what works for individuals. We're mid 30s.

Totally separate finances from my husband. We'd intended on getting a joint account when we bought our first house together but it just never happened. He pays certain bills, I pay others. Household shopping, meals/days out get split I suppose a bit randomly but he does tend to pay more for those things as he earns more. It just works for us so we don't feel the need to change. We've never had a single argument about finances and discuss everything openly.

We are in our 30s and are quite similar to the OP. We have a joint account where most of our bills and day to day spending comes out of. We both put the same amount in each month. We don't count every penny, so if DH buys his lunch with the joint money that's fine. Sometimes I will pay for something for the household from my own money just because it's easier, I wouldn't necessarily ask for DH to contribute.
We also both have our own savings and bank account. So if I buy clothes or he buys an Xbox game then it comes out of our personal money. But we are open about it and he knows how much I have in savings and where and vice versa. I see our finances as joint not separate.

Set up a joint account as soon as we moved in together and closed our single accounts.

Everything goes into one account, I earn substantially more. All bills come out of the same account.

I have a separate account that we move train for for my commute and monthly food shop budget into which helps to keep that money separate and so that we don't count it as 'spare money' through the month. Works well for us.

As far as we are concerned we are one household and work equally as hard. Honestly I couldn't be bothered with the splitting of everything.

@Oblomov22 really curious about this because I'm 25 and joint finances just seem natural to me, but as I said earlier I have no friends who are married or at that stage of life, so I have no peers to compare this to!

Like others we do everything into one pot then the same "pocket money" back. I used to be the significantly higher earner, so partly it started as I didn't want DP to stress because I had paid for a meal out when they weren't in the position to reciprocate - instead the meal came from our pooled funds.

Has worked well over the years in that I can save for, say, a stupidly expensive gaming console without thinking it's money we could have used to go on holiday, and as they're more sociable they don't worry that it's unfair they're spending money on going out while I'm staying in!

Financially we're much better off than we were, but not in the position that we don't have to think about major purchases. I expect if we had more disposable income we'd lose the pocket money element.

I agree with others OP that your set up sounds separate?

Joint finances are pooling into one account which does means there is less chance for financial abuse BUT someone can always transfer the funds out which I've seen happen on here a lot.

We have separate accounts but do similar to you in that we make sure neither of us are left in a considerably poorer position but don't count the pennies. I pay the majority of the bills as the higher earner but my DH saves a lot of his into our savings accounts

Older couple here and have always had separate finances. We contribute equal amounts to a joint account used purely for bills.

Easily solved by our system of taking equal spending money from shared pot. We buy presents to each other from that.

I don’t understand what our post OP. Your finances are separate from what you have described. You each pay for a contribute towards different things.

Joint account from Day One. Never thought of doing it any other way . All bills drawn from same account; no interference with the spending of the other person - I could buy what I liked with no comment and vice versa. If either had a big expenditure planned we would discuss that together,

A partnership involving trust.

Similar to @livethelifeofyourdreams , we've never actually had a joint account either. Seemed like unnecessary hassle!

At the end of the month, his wage goes into his account. He leaves the amount in there needed to cover all regular outgoings and direct debits. Everything else then gets transferred to my account which we both use for day-to-day spending (cba to explain but my bank is much easier/nicer to use for spending than his). At the end of the month, all money is split equally into savings and investments in each of our names individually.

We are too. We’ve always had separate finances. We now have a joint savings account with the cost of a funeral in it - for obvious reasons. Family money is a completely alien concept to me.

(Although now I've written my last post, I realise my bank account is basically a joint account in all but name 🤣)

We pool ours, we tried seperate and pooled when we got married, I had been keen on seperate as I was worried about my husband funding my son when I felt he shouldn’t have to. In the end we settled on pooled, partly because seperate was a pain and I’m not very organised.

Our wages are paid into a joint account, all utilities, council tax, mortgage, food, things for the kids etc come from this account. We do have our own accounts for personal spends, so each month we receive the same amount of personal spending money into our own accounts that we can spend on whatever we like.

Married in mid/late thirties. Salary gets paid into our individual accounts. We transfer an amount each to joint account so we each have £500 spending money each month. I.e. I get paid 3k a month so put £2,500 DH gets paid £6k so puts £5,500 in each month. Mortgage, bills, nursery fees, weekly food shop etc all come from there and we spend our £500 on personal expenses.

We also each have separate savings that the other doesn’t have access to (we gave ourself the same amount) and separate investment accounts in our names but that comes from the joint account and we both have details to.

before we got married everything was separate and we pretty much paid everything 50/50. Would have hated to account for every penny but my experience is that happens in relationships where people have different attitudes and approaches to spending money or if one person is particularly stingy.

Partner works PT, I probably take home twice as much as them. Separate bank accounts and I pay mortgage, energy bills, council tax, most of food, all other household bills. Not too sure what all their outgoings/expenses are. Car, stuff for kids etc. Would much prefer one account and shared finances tbh.

Probably depends what you’re used to and your individual financial circumstances

I don’t know any ‘young’ couples who earn so significantly different or different to a point where one is left on the breadline, myself included, so I don’t see the ‘need’ to merge everything, I had my own accounts, investments, savings etc. when we got together too so it would be hassle closing them all down.

Whereas my mum got married at 18, so didn’t have an account herself to begin with so it made sense to have a joint finance set up, she then also didn’t earn as much as my father so it made sense for them to have family money as otherwise she’d have nothing to spend on herself.

Older generations often got married earlier, had kids younger, women would often stay home more often, and even if they did work were paid significantly less - so it made sense in those times for joint family money to be a bigger thing than it does now.

Of course there are still women who earn less than their partners, but from my experience it’s definitely not as common as it was in years gone by. I don’t know any couples where one party seriously out earns the other to the point where they’d need ‘family’ money.