To be surprised that so many people have separate finances?

[PlumPudd]

DP and I pretty much share out the paying of our costs, with perhaps a bit of accounting for the fact that we’re on different incomes. The main costs, mortgage, bills, shopping, childcare etc. we broadly split by income, so we have direct debits set up and DP pays a bit more than me. For more discretionary things like clothes, meals out, toiletries, memberships etc. we sometimes pay for our own and sometimes get for both, for example the Amazon account is in DP’s name and we both just get things from there when needed. If I’m doing a clothes shop from H&M DP will add a few bits and I’ll just pay to save on the cost of two deliveries.

Savings are also seen as broadly common e.g. we’re about to move and I’m putting in a bit more than DP just because I’ve ended up with more in the bank, and DP covered some other big costs from their account earlier in the year.

We don’t really keep count, or get pissed off if one pays for more than the other on a particular month as we see the money as our shared money, that’s financing our shared life, regardless of whose income it originally came out of. DP also doesn’t expect me to spend less on discretionary things because my income is a bit lower. It probably helps that neither of us has exorbitant hobbies and that we have a broadly similar view of what’s reasonable to spend on what.

I thought until recently that this is how most couples were, (assuming they are in a committed and happy relationship - different if things are rocky of course) but a few friends have been quite shocked and said that no, they keep their finances very separate. And pay 50 50 or some other carefully calculated split for shared cost like rent / mortgage and then pay for everything else out of their own salary and have their own savings.

So what do you do and why?

Everything is shared.

that is because we understand that choosing to have a child creates economic imbalances. Even with me often being the higher earner, I am still earning less than I would if I were child-free. Sharing helps to compensate for that economic impact that isn’t limited to just maternity leave, but continues to influence earnings over the remaining career.

I don’t think it’s generational. We are in 30s. We share all accounts except ISAs which can’t be shared, and are paid and all expenses come out of joint current account. Has been same since buying a house together (since before we were married or engaged). We are now married so the ownership of assets is irrespective of whose name is on the account anyway (and neither of us at all likely to empty the accounts and run off with the money… but if they did clearly any final settlement would be adjusted!)

I don’t see why you’d faff with separate accounts and quibble over who has paid for what in this scenario as it’s a partnership and it’s all family money, unless you generally disagree with how it’s spent but then that’s a separate issue…

both of our parents did similar and mine was not a SAHP. We have chopped and changed who is the higher earner several times over the years and it makes no difference to how we spend (except for the total spent!)

Separate finances means you have access if need be to use in case of a split.

With everything going into one account, although unlikely one party can just drain it. Leaving the other with no access to funds

I am late 40's and everything is shared. We did this from our early 20's when we moved in together. You do need the same attitude to spending for it to work. We don't question each other on what we buy but would discuss a big purchase. We have savings accounts in our own names but have the same amount each.

However - I have 2 DD's and would I recommend this to them - probably not. I don't think it's very common anymore and think a joint account t and separate accounts can work just as well.

Everything shared here. Not rich enough to split hairs over who gets what after bills because there isn't usually anything left!

DH’s salary into Joint account and all bills out of that (other than my BTL mortgage and my own phone bill). I transfer about half of my (part time) salary into the JA each month, and then if I’ve got anything left over I’ll usually transfer that in too… all savings are joint. When I didn’t work he would transfer me a set amount each month but if I needed more would just use the JA. Has worked for us for 20 yrs!

DH and I have no joint money whatsoever, we split everything we spend together 50/50. He has recently come into significantly more money than I do in the bank and he is set to inherit quite a substantial sum in the future. He is a bit stingy with others, but spends plenty on himself.

I believe this is a legacy from his years supporting a bone idle ex wife who wouldn't work (before he had any money). Fortunately I'm financially independent and have my own home so my future is secure. My only regret is spending so much on his children when they were younger and not letting him bear the brunt of the cost alone.

I agree it makes me cringe when people post on here that they’re left with hardly anything and their partner has ££££ left every month.

My view and experience is probably swayed by the fact both DH and I earn well, as do all our friends and family so we don’t need to pool finances, as although we earn different amounts we both have more than a couple of grand left over so it’s not really a big deal.

Id probably think differently if I had £500 left every month and he had £4k

I think combining your lives is a more gradual process now than it used to be so people tend to set up a joint account at some point but are less likely to switch everything over to it than they used to. My husband and I have slowly had more and more things that come out of the joint account over several years and have some bills that still come out of our personal accounts. I imagine over time more will move over to the joint account.

We do it I think the most common way. Each have our own current accounts that our wages comes into. We have a joint account that we pay the same amount into each month, all household bills, shared car payments, food shopping etc comes out of this.

The rest of our wages stay in out current accounts and we spend or save it as we please.

Just feels much simpler.

We pay similar-ish amount to our joint account to cover bills and if anything else cropping up, we transfer more to our joint account. We have a completely different view on spending. I like to save but he wants to indulge in buying frivolous things now and then.
Another reason is that I am an immigrant from a developing country while my husband is not. I need to make sure I am financially independent as I have no blood related family here. My family is thousand miles away and their money worth peanuts here. So, no one else to depend on if things go wrong in here.

I didn't read it as ageist or negative, just wondered how they'd arrived at that conclusion.

We only have one (joint) bank account, both our wages go in and everything comes out of it. We're mid 40s.

DH earns much more than me in part because of our respective career choices and in part because my earning took a hit when I was a trailing wife (& mum) during several moves for his career.

We're both very happy with our arrangement and don't argue about money.

Been married for 43 years and have never had shared finances/joint accounts.
I have always paid for food and utility bills and DH paid for everything else. Holidays, house repairs/replacements/childcare we generally paid half each.

Since mortgage was paid off in 2009, DH has taken over paying for holidays and he saves a considerable amount every month but puts 50% of the savings in my name.😄

Has always worked great for us although we always earned pretty similar amounts when working but he gets £200 a month more state pension than me as he fell onto the old rate whereas I am in the new rate. ☹️ Thankfully we both have pretty good private pensions too.

Same but only married 16 years and not in age bucket suggested above lol.

We met in our 40s
Now in our 50s and married
Separate finances here

DH and I have always had separate bank accounts. Been together 27 years. Married 26. At one time I was the chief income earner while he earned a lot less and then it reversed - at that time the person with the most paid for most bills. We currently earn about the same and spend roughly the same on household bills. He pays for some of them and I pay for others.

It never occurred to me to get a joint bank account. While breaking up has never been remotely on the horizon, I don’t feel comfortable merging finances just in case. I didn’t change my surname for the same reason.

I would never have totally joint, all in one pot, finances. Regardless of who earns more

im a saver, and I’ve been in a relationship with a spender. I’m not saving my money, they spend theirs, then my savings need to be used for “joint” stuff.

I’ll always keep separate, and split in proportion to earnings

I’d also consider your financial set up to be separate finances. Shared finances mean pooling salary/income or each paying an equal amount into a joint account.

Different set ups work for different families but to jointly finance the family via a joint account is probably what most people think of when they talk of shared finances.

I don't know, I'm 25 and we got married when I was 23. Even when we were just living together unmarried, we just naturally drifted into a all money is joint money set-up. We've never even talked about it, it just seemed natural. Especially now we're married, we just have no concept of who's money is who's - it's all just joint. It seems so clinical to specifically spell out who pays for what.

None of my friends are married yet, so I suppose I don't have any comparisons of people my age.

@AMorningstar I find it weird as well. We have joint everything. Why be married if youre not a team 🤷🏻‍♀️

@meateatingveggie We're married. We're a team.

Entirely separate finances here, as they have been for the last 25 years of marriage. We're also married and a team.

Similar age to you and we also do it this way.a

Married, both in our 30s, shared accounts since we got married. We're a team, with similar attitudes around spending.

Personally for us everything is shared. If either of us wanted to make a big purchase then obviously we check with the other. I’m sure separate finances can work well for a lot of couples too.
However we know a couple where totally separate finances not been fair, she earns a lot less and is now accumulating debt on credit cards. So it’s open to financial abuse I guess?

Separate.
I pay for everything except the Internet / Netflix. DH sends me a DD each month and if the split of bills and food is over that, he pays me accordingly.

I bought some jeans for hi mthe other day, when he pays me for Oct I'll add them on to his bill. If I wanted a book in town and had no money, I'd use his card and would pay him back at some point.

We just ways have. But we also moved in together having known each other 4 months so I think I was more cautious, especially as the higher earner.