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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

867 replies

Alondra · 31/10/2022 11:55

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

OP posts:
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IhateHermioneGranger · 01/11/2022 20:02

Wiccan · 01/11/2022 18:43

I completely agree with @the1950sringringring this is now insane! 2 Alpha females going at it for 2 days straight what has anyone achieved ? Please just agree to disagree , this now cannot be good for either of your mental health .

No one is forcing you to read or comment on the thread.

Lostintuesday · 01/11/2022 20:19

@AMorningstar I don't think you'll admit it but at some point, maybe today or tomorrow, some of these comments will come back to you and maybe you'll notice that a tiny bit of the sheen has been taken off your stellar, amazing life with your fantastic husband.
I don't know many women that would chose not to work and I know plenty that can afford to. My friends mum is still an RMN in a dementia ward at nearly 70 even though her husband has long retired and she's worked in that roll for her whole life, getting bit, spat at, hit etc. There's a greater calling for some of us, a calling beyond parenting and honestly it makes me personally (not saying everyone) a better mum/ wife/ sister/ friend because of it.

Lostintuesday · 01/11/2022 20:19

*role

AMorningstar · 01/11/2022 20:23

Lostintuesday · 01/11/2022 20:19

@AMorningstar I don't think you'll admit it but at some point, maybe today or tomorrow, some of these comments will come back to you and maybe you'll notice that a tiny bit of the sheen has been taken off your stellar, amazing life with your fantastic husband.
I don't know many women that would chose not to work and I know plenty that can afford to. My friends mum is still an RMN in a dementia ward at nearly 70 even though her husband has long retired and she's worked in that roll for her whole life, getting bit, spat at, hit etc. There's a greater calling for some of us, a calling beyond parenting and honestly it makes me personally (not saying everyone) a better mum/ wife/ sister/ friend because of it.

Why would a sheen be taken off?

I'm glad she enjoys it. My mum worked part time and retired in her 50s and wouldn't go back if you paid her, literally. My dad worked a high powered job all his life and retired late 50s too. They're both happy with it. As I've said a few times it's a case of different things fulfil different people.

RedAppleGirl · 01/11/2022 21:39

Kenmasterspoloneck · 01/11/2022 19:10

I agree. If everything goes swimmingly and there’s no break up, illness, other woman etc then there is a chance that if you would rather stay at home and not be part of the working world, that you can pull it off and get away with it unscathed. However it’s setting yourself up for a really bumpy ride and a huge imbalance of power. If it’s what you want personally then fine but you can’t pretend that we exist in silos. We are part of a larger society that needs people to contribute in a greater capacity than just for their own kids. People who create, provide, care and support, lead and influence all around us. The imbalance of power created by the man working and the woman being barefoot in the kitchen has taken years to even begin to redress. Let’s not go back there and pretend individual choices don’t have an impact on society on a wider scale. If we all felt we had the right to fanny about all day we’d be screwed!

Power, people don't work to balance power.
They work because of mass industrialization and the obvious follow-on development 'consumerism'.

Crikeyalmighty · 01/11/2022 21:58

Is it just me or does anyone remember Victoria gillick in the 80s- as this thread is kind of reminding me of it!!

I think rather than a pissing party it might be a good idea for the 2 main protagonists to just 'agree to disagree'

All I can say @AMorningstar is that if you are able to not have a formal job, have plenty of time for friends and painting and self maintanance and money of your own- then many women would envy that lifestyle yes- not all by a long chalk, but lots would- it is I feel rather rubbing it in though don't you think for those who certainly don't have that luxury but would like it- or could certainly fancy a few years of it.

Personally I would feel rather vulnerable in case my chosen perfect life went tits up- but it's your choice.

Herejustforthisone · 01/11/2022 22:23

How the fucking shit tits is this argument still going on? I thought certain posters had resting, shagging and beautification for their husbands, to be getting on with?

Can anyone give me the highlights of the thread? 😆

Herejustforthisone · 01/11/2022 22:27

No do you know what, it’s awful. It’s just awful pit fighting by women. Forget it. I’m hiding it. The first thread was bad enough.

sst1234 · 01/11/2022 23:15

AMorningstar · 01/11/2022 13:03

Also he doesn't work "long hours" and I never said he did. He works from home, with flexible hours, he gets to pick them himself. He works a normal amount of hours. The hilariously wrong assumptions about my life here are brilliant - just ask me if you want to know something, rather than making up some stupid narrative to fit your argument.

Let’s get you an interview on the Late show in the US instead. Your memoirs will do well too. A life well lived and all that. The world can learn so much from your valuable experiences.

sst1234 · 01/11/2022 23:18

Wiccan · 01/11/2022 18:43

I completely agree with @the1950sringringring this is now insane! 2 Alpha females going at it for 2 days straight what has anyone achieved ? Please just agree to disagree , this now cannot be good for either of your mental health .

I’m not sure you can call OP an alpha female. A handmaiden maybe.

RandomMusings7 · 02/11/2022 09:36

Show over? :(

ambermorning · 02/11/2022 09:44

Maybe the anti-SAHM robots' batteries ran out? Or they got in such a spin they self-combusted?

LolaSmiles · 03/11/2022 11:51

Herejustforthisone
I've just realised there's a part 2 😂

We can probably guess the highlights though. They're probably the same as the last thread.

TartanGirl1 · 05/11/2022 21:52

ambermorning · 02/11/2022 09:44

Maybe the anti-SAHM robots' batteries ran out? Or they got in such a spin they self-combusted?

Yeah cause it has been a one sided debate... 🙄

piesforever · 06/11/2022 07:54

What is a House Wife these days? I've seen sahm get obsessed with the minutae of kids lives, not healthy at all.

Chinsupmeloves · 27/02/2026 21:45

A SAH housewife is different to a SAHM. Not having DC and only having to do the usual chores is an easier role than looking after the kids.

Butchyrestingface · 28/02/2026 09:41

Chinsupmeloves · 27/02/2026 21:45

A SAH housewife is different to a SAHM. Not having DC and only having to do the usual chores is an easier role than looking after the kids.

Why on earth did you resurrect a 3.5 year old thread? Grin

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