To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

[Alondra]

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

Imma grab my popcorn 🍿

I think that there is nastiness towards stay at home mothers but I also think there is just as much nastiness towards working mothers. I think a lot of people like to have their opinions on what they view is right and what is wrong - either way there is going to be someone judging you for whatever choice you decide to make.

I'm not sure what any of that has to do with chosing to be a housewife or why you've quoted me.

Govts absolutely should be doing more about the cost of living and to support women.

Off the top of my head, they should be tackling high housing costs and fuel and food costs

They should be tackling the wage crisis and wealth inequality

They should be providing heavily subsidised childcare and much better education services.

None of these are likely to happen while the top 1 % control all the wealth and power. And certainly not (in this country) while people keep voting tory.

But all that is irrelevant to 1 woman choosing to be a housewife and then getting pissed off not everyone thinks its amazing

But all that is irrelevant to 1 woman choosing to be a housewife and then getting pissed off not everyone thinks its amazing.

I agree with your post except the above bit. A woman should be able to choose what's best for her and her family without getting insulted for her choice. If she thinks her choice is amazing who are we to tell her the opposite except to remind her what could happen if she is not financially independent?

Women have the right to choose what's best for themselves and their children without having to justify their decision to paternalistic, passive aggressive, nasty and condescending post from other women.

Part 2. What took you so long. How long before this one descends into chaos.

YANBU it’s jealousy. I wish I had the money to stay at home, and the option to return to my career afterwards but I don’t.

We’re not ‘having it all’ these days we’re ‘doing it all’. And we’re not any happier for it.

I didn't read the last thread. Can anybody offer a synopsis?

And yes I agree there’s a snide inference that being a SAHM is ‘letting the side down’

@Alondra

Why the need for the insults?

It's far too subjective.

You think people critiquing the choice are nasty.

They think they're just sharing their view, as asked.

If the op didn't want people to share their views on her choice, she shouldn't have started a thread asking them to.

Very few choices in this life are immune from criticism and judgement.

There's nothing special or scared about being unemployed.

It's not above judgement

I really think a lot of it is jealousy from people trapped by their circumstances. Some SAHMs are jealous of women who have the agency to work, and some women who work are jealous of women who have the agency to be a SAHM.

I'm currently an accidental SAHM because we moved from a country where I had full time childcare for free while I worked, to the UK where I can't afford even half the hours I'd need to fund to be able to work. I had a job lined up but had to turn it down.

I think people's anger comes from people feeling trapped in their own circumstances and thinking other people have agency to do something different, not seeing that those people either have limited choices themselves, or have chosen the thing voluntarily that doesn't work for the jealous person.

What we need isn't to tear people apart for their choices or the things they have done out of necessity, but to support a system that enables EVERY woman to have the agency and choices so she can feel fulfilled and happy, regardless of whether that is as a SAHM or a working woman or a bit of both.

@cofeetablebook

Op started a thread saying no one should be allowed to be nasty about housewives

Women should respect and support each other.

She then spent the thread being nasty about women who worked and eventually said she didn't even like women

🤷‍♀️

OP, if you love your life so much why are you spending all day yesterday and today on MN? You really needed another thread about this?

I'm guessing you are just trying to bug people.

Ty @Topgub

Oh jeeze

I csnt cope with the nonsense jealousy accusations again

🥱🤦‍♀️

Is that aimed at me?

Are you getting help for taking things personally that weren't about you specifically?

@SpookabooAtTheZoo

No. There are multiple accusations of jealousy on this short thread already. It's ridiculous as well as being rubbish.

Is there any actual need fothat personal remark?

Also, have you heard of irony?

I’ve reported this new thread. It is deliberately goady and very clearly designed to pit working women and SAHM against each other under the guise of asking an innocent question.

I think everyone should be allowed to make a choice if it works for them- however you can’t expect a person who has made diametrically opposed decisions to agree with your reasons and to fully appreciate the consequences of those decisions. It is definitely true that being a SAHp leaves you with less choice if your relationship doesn’t work out. Unless you have lots of savings. You may get a decent settlement but it’s usually assets split and a period of spousal maintenance ( often short) and apart from maintenance for kids you are on your own. There’s no ongoing provision of half the ex’s earnings. The longer out of work the harder to get back in to job market. I’m sure it’s true that having one partner at home makes life a little easier but it presents it’s own issues. Disconnect can occur between partners. It happened to my parents as my father went from strength to strength in his career and I’m afraid to say he lost respect for my mother. They grew apart.

@Wildeheart

Oh for gods sake.

You could just not read it you know.

@Alondra wanted to continue the actual relevant part of the discussion around gender politics. I presume

Absolutely no need to report it.

Yep, let's close down all discussion. On any controversial topic.

Beautifully said.

I hope you are able get where you wish and apologise for the disgusting cost of childcare in the UK.

I used to be a SAHM until DD was 3-4. I did have her young and me and OH are still together. I'm now 29 and I feel I have much more agency and equality in our partnership because I work full time. I don't regret being a SAHM it was lovely but school age I think it's bad mentally for you, unless you volunteer etc. Cleaning and making dinner doesn't take 6 hours a day.

Yep. Getting tired of the thread marshalls. Who do they think they are? We’re grown women and we know where the ‘exit’ button is.

SAHMs hate WMs and vice versa
Ain't nothing like the sistahood and this ain't nothing like the sistahood.
Rinse and repeat. The OP of the first thread (which was a TAAT) isn't the same one as this one.

What does TAAT mean?

I dont hate sahms.

I do hate any notion of never judging or criticising women's choices because of 'sistahood'

Up there with be kind pish.