To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

[Alondra]

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

@cagliari

If I wanted psychoanalysis I certainly wouldn't be getting it from some weirdo on mn

🤣🤣

Yes! What is the thread called?

Our relationship is different to many relationships for a myriad of reasons not solely because of our ideological beliefs around divorce

Again to clarify, neither of us have any beef with divorced people and believe people can live how they wish. Its just not something we would do

No I havent.

I made a thread about jealousy this morning.

Inspired by the previous one.

I never said I'd have enough to last my entire life. Obviously I'd have to work if he became disabled. But he isn't. So unless that happens, I don't need to.

Fucking hell. I'm devastated I missed it 😂

Its just a simple question Topgub - try to break it down? Let's start with, have you ever met a SAHM? Is there a particular SAHM you don't like? Did a SAHM ever ram you with a buggy in Tesco? Did someone at work leave to be a SAHM and this annoyed you? Was your mother a SAHM and you didn't like her?

Try to remember when it all started. Nobody is like this for nothing.

I think the obsessed with SAHM comes from our natural instinct to justify our own right choices and reassure ourselves that we have made the 'right' choice. Arguably working is more socially accepted, you don't need to justify yourself and you have objective measures (e.g. income, seniority at work, satisfaction from work) that is quantifiable and reassures your internal self that you are doing the 'right' thing.

As a SAHM you don't have that so much. You're consumers/customers/service users (i.e. kids!) don't often give feedback. Other peoples kids who work often behave and succeed in a similar way so there's not really a tangible benefit. Your partner might be grateful and enjoy you being a SAHM/housewife but we don't tend to place huge amounts on importance on the opinions of those close to use, especially when they have a vested interest (e.g. their food all cooked, house cleaned etc.)

So we seek validation from others and mn is used for this. We seek people telling us its the right thing, its noticeably better for children, that we are WORKING in some way and contributing.

That's my opinion. I am a working mother and get a lot from parenthood and adore my kids but objectively I get more for myself from work. I have no judgement of SAHP although when things so fall apart, as they do for SAHP or WOHP they often suffer significantly more and it would worry me for my DC if they ever decided to stay home.

You got married and had kids very young. The brain isn't even fully cooked until 25. Yet you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that, unlike other women, you've made a superior, more informed choice of partner and that your relationship is infallible because you agree you don't believe in divorce.

This simplistic black-and-white view of relationships and human nature will come back to bite you in the ass sooner or later.

Btw, I take it the answer is no on the insurance 😐

Yes it is precisely these presumptions that make you sound immature and naive. I do think that once you have a little more life experience behind you , you may come back to these comments and cringe. That’s not to say you will end up getting divorced, but I think you’ll come to understand a little more about life’s complexity and diversity , and realise you’re perhaps not quite as unique, special and different to others as you think you are.

Its weird you HAVE to believe other women will have a bad time in relationships because its absolutely incomprehensible to you that some marriages are happy. Quite sad actually.

It's awful and it's playing to all the worst and cheapest points, but my God I can't deny its success. It seems it's actually spawned two more threads now, not just one.

In the previous thread I (somewhat facetiously) said that I hoped it was giving OP satisfaction for whatever was being sought. Joke's on me, I guess, because it most definitely has, with absolute runaway success.

That is absolutely not what I have said. Try again...

You know very little about myself or my husband so your armchair analysis of us is completely meaningless but thanks for the attempt.

I think it just upsets some people to know others enjoy their marriages. Maybe it hits a nerve idk

Oh my god this comment is fucking hilarious!

I have seen you on a number of SAHM threads that you first comment is always looking for @Topgub or "calling out" Topgub, it is kinda obsessive.

And I have seen them explain many many times about the issue in society of the role of SAHM and also say so many times that it is not about the individual.

If you have that much of an issue with Topgub maybe you shouldn't engage rather than stalk them.

You only ever comment on the comments criticising the WPs here and never the abuse directed at the housewives and SAHP, why

@cagliari

Oh dear.

Maybe you should be asking why my views upset you to this degree?

That you have to make stuff up and follow me about making wee digs?

To recap, you have at least two children, one of each has special needs, you bring in zero income and the breadwinner of the family doesn't even have life insurance or disability insurance. You call this financial freedom because hubby let's you spend freely and insist you are not in any way made vulnerable by this set up.

Can you maybe just maybe see why some people might find your attitude a little immature, @AMorningstar ?

You've made up a lot of things there. Filled in the gaps, incorrectly, because I refused to answer your inane interrogation of me. 🤣

Nobody has to 'look for Topgub. .' She lives on the SAHM threads. Obviously.

No I'm not trying to "psychoanalyse" her. What is wrong with people taking everything so literally.

I would genuinely like to know why certain posters are so obsessed about SAHMs. Not just Topgub. Nobody ever answers this.

Why do you care enough to not just comment once, but go on and on for days / months / years? It's very extreme.

Do you actually have any idea?

All the things I've listed minus the insurance have been based entirely on your words throughout several threads. And I'm 99% sure i'm right about the insurance too :)

But ok, yolo, you do you.

My analysis was purely based on the comments you have made on these threads. Of course I don’t claim to any insights about you or your husband beyond those.