To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

I follow several housewives on various platforms - mainly for ideas, tips and tricks on stuff to do with the kids, recipes and so on - and it's much more prevalent in the comments recently. Idk why.

Yes, I have a good father and a good husband. Unsure of your point?

I would rather raise kids than be a wage slave.

It's not always the case that the assets are only provided by the man

have a think about your two examples of where your money came from ...

Ouch

So would I. I personally find it more fulfilling but each to their own.

So you have been completely dependent on men for your lifestyle.
You have no financial freedom if you don't earn your own money.
It really is that simple.

@AMorningstar do you understand that a warning is not nastiness? You don't sound vulnerable at all but many mothers put themselves in to a very vulnerable position. You don't seem to acknowledge that at all, you don't seem to acknowledge that most of what goes on on mn is warnings

You have your lifestyle which you like, fair enough, but there's more at stake than a lifestyle, for many mothers, not married, dc still young enough to need childcare, it'd be madness to give up work/have another child.

My husband didn't provide the finances for our home. So the idea that it's always from the husband is incorrect.

@SarahShorty some of us can multitask and do both.
I would rather work than sponge of my partner but each to their own eh 😘

I'd rather breed puppies than be a wage slave. It's way better to be honest. Eight weeks hard work then a nice long rest.

It's my future retirement dream.

I can't be arsed with work at all these days, or working privately for a man at home. It's still work

That makes absolutely no sense. What on earth is there to be jealous of ? IMO, being a SAHP suits very few people, male or female.

How is it no financial freedom? He doesn't put limits on what I buy or can spend it on. I have equal access to all our accounts. I can do whatever he can do with it. Its weird that you think my husband would stop me using the money

Jealousy!!! Being at home, watching CBeebies, autumn walks, siestas, reading, precious time together.....or p plodding on day in day out as a cog in a wheel at work and that Sunday afternoon build-up to steeling yourself to go back to the office etc 🙃

It's weird you think spending someone else's money is financial freedom 😂

I don’t mind what other people do, but I if your kid’s are all over 7 I think the idea he is domestically supported by you in a way that is in any way equal to how much you are financially supported by him is delusional.

Housework, sorting out tradesmen etc - it can all be outsourced (I used to spend a lot more time cooking than I do now, when I realised no one gives a shit about home cooked from scratch meals every night). Time into family relationships - you can fit that around work (maybe not if you are both working a squillion hours, but people with choices don’t have to.)

I totally get the point that your husband earns enough money and likes his gig (or you have family money, whatever) and you don’t want to work work so why should you - that’s fair enough, but it is not an even level of contribution.

I think if you want to be a housewife that’s cool, but you should own the reality of it, rather than kid yourself.

So basically if you've a rich family of origin and you marry a half way decent rich man you're going to be OK, but you're still not answering the very reasonable questions I've asked repeated @AMorningstar

Do you understand that there are a lot of vulnerable women out there!? They're not in your situation. They could benefit from heeding the warnings. Do you understand that a warning is not ''nasty''.

I think you are barmy to give up work and do housewife things. Each to their own but don’t be surprised if your partner decides that you don’t understand the pressure of his role and he finds someone who does.

I don’t want to be in the control of a partner who holds the purse strings.

Everyone is entitled to live as they choose, but I'll be honest that I struggle with anyone that actively chooses to remain unemployed and expect someone else to pay for them

Call it a 'housewife' but it is not really different from the 25 year old that lives in mums house and refuses to get a job. Taking in parcels and doing a bit of cleaning is not really an equal contribution in my mind, but if it works for your family and your husband doesn't resent keeping you then great

You're one of the people my OP is referencing. Snide comments and nastiness, no substance. Hope you find peace from whatever is bothering you.

I'd always advise caution and that women do their own risk assessment before becoming a SAHM. Everyone's lives and circumstances are different, though.

I've seen really horrible comments from both sides and all I think is that those women can't be very happy.

But it's a-ok for your husband to spend his life as a wage slave instead?

@AMorningstar and I hope you find self respect spending someone else's money and fulfilment while you are washing the dishes 😘