To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Aspiring to stay at home is fucking ridiculous

Why?!

Home is relaxing, being at home can be stress free and many people enjoy this lifestyle. Why is that ridiculous to aspire to it?! Why must everyone have a pipe dream to be a fucking astronaut?

There are plenty of women who are trapped in miserable marriages due to lack of financial independence, and plenty in dire financial straits for the rest of their lives at the end of a relationship.

Being a SAHM can be brilliant if it works out. But the gamble is high and falls entirely on the woman.

So you want your husband to aspire to be at home?and be paid for by you? You feel this is a good aspiration for him to have?

I also think that most main earners want someone to help them with that burden rather than 'someone to let tradespeople in'. I know I'd want someone to help me bring in cash. Who gives a shit if you have to eat a tescos frozen pizza some evenings?

I don’t understand it / wouldn’t do it myself but I’d never say anything bad to someone else - their choice!

I never wanted to work full time. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Even as a little girl. I can remember wanting to be a mother from as early as 3 years old. That doesn't mean I don't want to do other things or have hobbies and interests - in fact I'm an artist and occasionally sell my work and exhibit - its not a career though and being at home actually gives me time to dedicate to my interests and passions

I'd love to have been a housewife. I think a lot of it is jealousy and because the shit you get off of SAHMs for working.

It would be nice if everyone just didn't give a shit about what other people do or don't do.

Social media is a funny thing. I tend not to post about the positives of my cool job - it just gets on people's nerves. Tbh I rarely do any work these days and am mostly living the life of the lazy - imagine posting about the positives of that, lol! It's like being a housewife, but better as you don't do any work at all. Outsource the cleaning completely.

I have rarely seen anyone on social media actually say they are a housewife. It’s normally a SAHM/working argument which gets messy when the SAHM says their children are all at school. It’s 6 of one, half a dozen of the other, as far as I can see.

For specifically when kids are grown: Home cooked meals, chores done, appointments managed, someone in for deliveries/tradespeople, less stressed so can put more effort into the relationship and family.

That sounds nice. You'd better hope your husband doesn't decide one day it's HIS turn to have a go at that and demand you go out to work.

Exactly. I like the simple, relaxing pace of being at home. I like not having an angry man yelling at me about deadlines or the high pressure environment. I don't see the problem.

Apparently I'm both a terrible person and a victim for being a housewife/SAHM. I do everything for my husband including laying out his clothes in the morning and preparing all his meals. He rarely cooks or cleans but has a list of jobs I can't do that he does. But apparently I'm being abused by him. I chose and still choose this life! And I get to spend his money in return.

I find the people most upset are usually the bitter ones who want to be traditional but can't/won't

Home is relaxing, being at home can be stress free and many people enjoy this lifestyle. Why is that ridiculous to aspire to it?! Why must everyone have a pipe dream to be a fucking astronaut?
Being at home all day would be lovely, but I'd want to have some sort of way of ensuring my financial security such as investments, savings, private pension, a rental property etc.

Nobody is suggesting everyone should have a piece dream to be an astronaut, but it's a fairly low bar for someone's goal in life is to marry a spouse who will fund their lifestyle of leisure for life.

My comments relate only to housewives, not SAHPs.

I have seen what can happen when relationships break up, and the person who hasn't had to work for years on end is suddenly having to support themselves with no work experience or qualifications. I don't like the idea of women making themselves so vulnerable.

I don't understand how anyone can be ok with watching their partner work hard and pay for everything, while they stay at home. Yeah, they do housework etc, but working couples manage that. Being the only one bringing in an income can be a massive burden. I'm that person now, for very different reasons.

I don't think I have ever been nasty about it, but I just can't imagine being financially supported by a man, or putting that pressure of being the only earner onto someone I love, if I am capable of working. Even if they say they love the set-up, in many cases they will feel that burden, and at times resentment.

I can't see men becoming househusbands any time soon. I wonder why that is? Not talking about SAHDs.

It’s jealousy (but they’ll never admit it).

Warnings not to let yourself become financially dependent on a man are not the same as vitriol for housewives. I've seen this confusion on mumsnet, it's usually from housewives who feel defensive.

I don't think the men I've ever been with wanted me to sit around putting effort in to the relationship. I wanted to have as much to say as they did when we met up. I'm not judging though, I learned this lesson the hard way. I left with nothing, two dependants and a debt, so anything I've ever said has been said as a warning, not with vitriol

I like not having an angry man yelling at me about deadlines or the high pressure environment

how do you have so little comprehension of work? Have you never worked? It would be a terrible employer where you had angry men shouting at you. Women are managers too. Do you think this is what happens to your husband or what he does? Be shouted at or get shouted at?

I think sometimes it might be the American SAHM fundamentalist idea - girls don't need education and a career, they need a bible and a strong man... Disagree with this wholeheartedly!
This is surely not what we want for our daughters? Or our sons?
When a family is in the fortunate position for one parent to be at home full time, that's a lovely bonus. No one else's business. When they have a financial imperative for both to work, or they choose for both to work, again, no one else's business.

I wouldn't go as far as being nasty to someone about their choices but I find the whole stay at home mum thing to be an outdated choice. I personally wouldn't want to rely on a man or woman to financially provide for me. Realistically what happens if it all goes wrong? It feels like quite a trapped situation to be in to be. Appreciate that childcare costs can make staying at home the better choice and that frustrates me. All women should have the option to work without being trapped by their choice to have children.

It was slightly hyperbolic, I'm well aware work isnt quite that simplistic or negative. I was demonstrating that to me, it feels like a highly pressurised environment which is something I do not enjoy or like.

I fully agree childcare should be cheaper and the choice should be there. It wouldn't change my choice but it should absolutely BE a choice.