To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

But life isnt too short for your partner I assume, who has to pay for literally everything you do? I really hope they don't start to resent you.

I've seen posts about the stupidity of being financially dependent on a partner.

My last few bosses have been women. To be honest I prefer women bosses. My current boss bought me a raspberry and almond scone with butter on Friday. This is quite a new role. Easier than the last I'd say. My previous boss was a woman twenty years younger than I am but she was very calm under pressure.

It's because they alway drone on about how hard work it is ( people work and do the same)
How if you have a different opinion then you are obviously jealous ( err no I'm not jealous of having no financial freedom and putting the whole financial strain on my partner but ok)

I have mainly been a SAHP/housewife for the last 25 years and have never received any funny comments from people. My DH was fortunate to be able to retire at 55 and now neither of us work.

You do leave yourself vulnerable if you give up work altogether, especially if it's for more than a couple of years. I would always caution any would be SAHP to 'keep their hand in' with a part-time job at least.

I haven’t seen much of that - and what there is is counterbalanced by the ‘oh it’s so awful to put your kids in nursery’ stuff. lots of people are SAHM at least for a couple years so it can’t be seen as that peculiar.

But if it’s long term, ie when the kids are at school, so you are a housewife more than a SAHM then yeah I guess some people are wtf do you do, and others are concerned for your financial welfare, and sometimes they probably could address that more politely.

I would be pretty devastated if my daughter chose to be a SAHP for any length of time, because I would worry for her financially and in terms of loss of confidence.

Why do you think we have no financial freedom? I wouldn't marry a man who made me ask his permission.

Even if were married which I'm not, and even if this notional h were a big earner, I'd still work two days a week just to earn credits for my own contributory pension.

My mum was a SAHM until we left home and then remained as a housewife.

I do think housewives have a role to benefit wider society too. My mum knows all the neighbours (and i mean ALL of them...there must be 100s as well) and who needs help. She shops for people, takes elderly neighbours to medical appointments, helps at church, volunteers for organisations etc. If she was working FT she wouldnt have the energy!

Yes and no. I'm happy with my decisions and criticism doesn't upset me personally, but I do find it generally dispaponting that people are willing to be unkind about strangers. Not just on this topic either

@AMorningstar oh believe me, I'd have NO trouble filling my time, listening to audibles, making art, going away to different towns overnight, threading up the sewing machine, taking up the flute again, perfecting my languages but nothing gives me as much simple joy as knowing I'm looking after me.

But I've never said anything nasty to a housewife. Frankly, If you've married a good one and money's not an issue, it's a different situation from the one I was in. And I learned the lesson (that I've passed on as a warning) the hard way.

Any warnings I've given weren't directed at women who are married to high earners who can comfortably carry the whole family and who wouldn't ride you hard in a divorce.

Lot of v binary views on display here. By no means do I wish to be defined by my work and career, and make an effort to find real meaning in my life outside my work. But the worst case scenario planner in me just couldn’t be a housewife or stay at home parent - even if DH and I are together until the very end, what if his capacity to work is restricted for some reason? Ultimately, I do need money!

"*A woman's place is in the wrong"
*
I think this sums it up perfectly to be honest.

No matter what the duck women di they are judged, harshly. In a way that a man just never would be.

I think the judgement is ridiculous. The same people who will claim to be feminist at will then be attacking other women for their life choices. As long as it is a woman’s choice, then it should be supported. If a woman wants to work she should be able to without judgement. If she wants to be a childless housewife then she should be able to without judgement. If she wants to be a SAHM then she should be able to without judgment. It’s nobody else business if those involved are happy - and people saying it’s a drain on the working partner, sometimes women can and do enter relationships ships with money! I know a housewife who was betrayed for being a lazy sponge. But she had more money than her husband and financially she contributed much more to the relationship and this allowed him to pursue his career. So judgemental to make assumptions.

everyone needs to stop worrying about what others are doing and concentrate on their own lives. Why continuously knock other women down? You’re not a true feminist if you hold such opinions.

I pressed send too soon!

But my view is my view. I have to say I don’t experience the nastiness in either direction in real life, it tends to be worse in online spaces.

Not really, I'm just seeing it a lot more now rather than 5 years ago when I permanently gave up work. I don't remember seeing so many anti housewife comments before, some for sure but it seems to be everywhere at the moment.

@AMorningstar if I were you, I'd join forces with those of us giving out the warnings. YOur situation is ok, nobody's worried about you! But if you're on here often you'll know that there are often threads from women who have a ''dp'' and a baby and the dp is already a bit lazy with childcare and housework and they're going to have to give up their job now they are pregnant with dc2. Their life is a totally different situation and warnings giving from behind a cushion to women in this situation are not directed at you!

This is also valid. My husband works and I don't, but my dad gave us the money for the deposit on our house for example. It's not always the case that the assets are only provided by the man.

I meant berated, not betrayed. Stupid autocorrect.

I just see continuing paid employment as in the same category as, getting my car MOTd, taking the kids for their vaccines, paying insurance. It's something to keep you safe and give you the best cushion should you need it. I do it for my family. If my husband died tomorrow I know I could support my family and give them a stable life after such a devastating loss. I also don't think my husband deserves to be trapped as the only earner. I pour my heart into the time I spend with my kids, they're happy and get a lot of positives from nursery, my relationship is balanced and the kids spend equal time with their Mum and Dad, they've grown up seeing each of us in both a caring and earning role. I think SAHPs do any amazing (and amazingly undervalued) job, but to opt out of work completely long term is just...I think I'd see it like if someone stopped paying into their pension or stopped paying insurance and spent the money on holidays/hobbies instead. Sure it would be fulfilling and enjoyable, but it's not without its risks and it's not the choice I would make. No viciousness/superiority in it, just different. You do you, I'll do me, all the best. Shrug.