To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Some nasty comments here ! It's not sponging off your husband to care for your children, its not his money its our money-that's what a family/marriage is. Love, nurture, respect.

I too would be devastated if any of my children wanted to be SAHP. In my opinion, being a SAHP or housewife/husband is embarrassing as it just suggests laziness and entitlement. I honestly couldn't imagine relying on my other half for all financial matters and I certainly wouldn't want to be a kept woman, it's not 1950 and I take pride in my independence.

That aside, I couldn't think of anything more unattractive than a person who did not want to work. Most SAHPs I know are honestly, quite boring to talk to and you can tell they rarely have an adult conversation.

I think a part of why so many people are negative towards SAHPs is the sheer number who insist that being at home all day (usually when the kids are in school for most of it) is a million times harder than actual working - it's not. It really isn't. I manage to work full time, raise my kids, do the housework and have home cooked meals every day. I also fit in socialising, time with DH and the gym. How others think housework is a full time job is beyond me.

Tbh I see it coming from both sides. People are as equally critical of working mums. Some people actually think it’s through choice. Sometimes it is, but ,mostly it’s because it’s necessary to work ft just to pay the bills. There are some that are so far removed from the financial issues faced by others, that they don’t understand, because they’re in a bubble where money isn’t an issue and they are lucky to be able to be a SAHM, which is out of reach for most.

Men don't nurture, carry babies and give birth, do they? Men are breadwinners. Women can have jobs and earn money, it's all about balance.

@AMorningstar Ok, I give up
You're not going to answer what I thought were very reasonable questions.

In my experience people are very often nasty and judgmental when they’re jealous. Full stop. But this topic has been done to death on MN, it’s a very touchy subject and it brings out the worst in everyone on the site….both sides attacking each other while others bring out the popcorn. So I really don’t think it’s a good idea to do this again OP.

I have plenty, I respect myself enough to spend my life doing what I love rather than making money for someone else and wasting away in a cubicle but go off hun.

Being a housewife is basically a euphemism for being unemployed. There's no need for it when you could be at work earning money and paying taxes.

Exactly.

Sorry do you think people exist solely to pay the government money? How depressing.

😂

What a ridiculous and judgemental comment. You'd be the first person to complain if I made half as many judgements about working parents and spouses.

@AMorningstar but it's ok for your husband to have to work twice as hard to support you and to take money from your parents because you can't/ don't or won't earn any.
Life sounds pretty 1950's around your way.

Women should be at home caring for their children. Instead you get kids put into daycare while the mother goes to work. I'd rather care for my kids than leave them in the company of strangers.

😂🤓😝oh dear...

wasting away in a cubicle, being a wage slave, being a cog in a wheel.

For somebody who is so sensitive to ''nastiness'' you're not being very nice now. I don't care though. Unlike you @AMorningstar I'm not extremely defensive about working in a cubicle Actually, I have a lovely view. And it's not America, so I can see my colleagues' heads.

Men are breadwinners? Is that the 11th commandment or something? 😂

We're talking housewives (zero kids) and moms who never return to work after the kids are grown.

So what nurturing do you do for 7+ year olds that keeps you busy for 40 hours a week?

Choosing not to earn your own living for decades and having zero ambition to learn something, accomplish something, create something is simply lazy and complacent.

I'm also firmly in the camp that would be 100% disappointing if any child of mine refused to have a career.

I would rather raise kids than be a wage slave.

I find the use of terms like "wage slave" confusing here. I understand wanting to stay home with children, especially if your partner is happy to be the sole earner, but do you call your partner a wage slave? Does he know that's how you view him?

There are some very odd views of work on this thread. As I said, I understand wanting to stay home with children, but the comments that work is something everyone dreads on Sunday afternoon, wage slaves, feeling life slipping away at sitting at a desk etc are weird and don't reflect jobs I've had. Although I am lucky that I genuinely love my job and do it despite the fact we could afford for me not to.

@SarahShorty you can work around your children.
You don't have to use childcare.
There are choices other than ironing and the dishes

My husband is an adult man who can make his own choices about what he wants out of life and what he's comfortable with. No one forced him to marry me. He, believe it or not, believes his children are best raised with a stay at home parent. That's his right to believe that - and luckily he married someone who shares his belief.

If he wanted to be married to someone who split the paid work equally he couldve done that. As could I. Neither of us want that.

I have plenty, I respect myself enough to spend my life doing what I love rather than making money for someone else and wasting away in a cubicle but go off hun.

Your ability to spend your life doing what you love and not 'wasting away in a cubicle' (cue the violins!) has nothing to do with self respect but rather luck at having being bank rolled by your daddy and then by your husband (so far).

How much respect do you have for your husband, btw, who must be doing a lot of heavy lifting to enable you to pursue this apparent odyssey of self-actualisation that is dealing with admin and being at home to let the tradesmen in?

I'm well aware. She made a stupid stereotype about housewives, I shot back with an equally stereotypical statement. Funny how you only comment on one side.

Do you teach maths?