Am I stingy? Boyfriend says i am?

[llpoolj]

My boyfriend lives with me.
He earns £700 more than me a month.
He is always "skint"
He said he needed £20 for his phone.
So I said "il take it out of my savings account,just give me it on Monday when you get paid"
So then today he borrows another £10 and says so that's £310 I owe you Monday (£300 half of rent and bills )
I say no £330 ...£20 for phone too
He said "really ,your going to take that off me"
"I only topped up because you wanted me too"
(He didn't -he told me he needed to top up"
So he says "you know I would give you my last"
I said I buy you so much
I spent £10 buying him McDonald's today,I bought the food all week
I spent £170 last week on concert tickets for his birthday -then 2 hoodies for his birthday.
I reminded him of this and he says "no you can't class the tickets for my birthday -you wanted to go too"
I also bought us Xmas pjs for £30 two days ago

So how does he have the audacity to say I'm tight?
I just wanted it back to in my savings.
I'm feeling shitty and horrible now
I'm honestly not tight -I just don't want to get the mick took out of me

We go on holiday in two weeks
I've bought the sun tan lotion,after sun,case straps ,case locks ,luggage tags ,case scales,I bought him shorts for holiday and 2 tees and god knows what else

Couldn't have put it better 😂

Your BF is a child. Get rid of him.

"So he says "you know I would give you my last""

Ah, those beautiful words that don't mean anything... He WOULD give you his last if he wasn't jerk, if he cared enough, if he treated you with respect. He would, he would... Dream on.

To add, unless you earn the same amount bills should be paid by percentage of earnings not split in half. For example if you earn 100 and he earns 200, the bill is 75. You should pay 25 and he should pay 50. You have both used a quarter of your earnings. That’s fair.

He would be out of my life and my sight faster than a fart in the wind.
I'm so stealing that !
As for your boyfriend op, he is a user and you are his cash cow, sorry. Ditch him pronto.

So STOP buying him stuff, all the odds and sods add up.
what is he spending his money on if he gets more than you?
You must both be sharing the rent and other bills, food etc?

You reply that you have new clothes because you bought them and he is not a child and you are not his parent. What does he spend his money on? Does he have any good qualities?

OP the dialogue you're having with this adult man is more like the conversation a mother has with a entitled child. How women find men attractive as romantic equals with these types of dynamics going on at home is beyond me. We may have been brought up conditioned to be caregivers to men, perpertually demonstrate reasons to choose or stay with us over someone else and make their lives as problem free as possible but that doesn't mean we must continue in the pursuit as adults. I cannot imagine buying a mans every day clothes/pants/socks for them as though I'm their mother, it just doesn't sit right.

Stop buying him things and taking on the load (mental and financial) of these things. He is perfectly capable of buying his own suncream etc and preparing for a holiday. He's manipulative and knows exactly how to wheedle more and more out of you and that is exactly what he's doing- either preying on the fact he knows you love him as reason why you should or suggesting that you don't really love him and are 'tight 'if you don't- you won't ever win.

I would be questioning what it is he does for you and what kind of partner rinses the other dry by doing that when they are the higher earner not reasonably contributing. Stop focusing on the insult that he's called you tight (when it's obviously actually him that is) and think about why your partner makes you feel that way.

Honestly, I have the same conversations with my 17 year old son! That frustrates me enough, I can’t imagine my husband being like this too!

@llpoolj

let him wear shitty old clothes and him complain then. If it bothered him that much he would buy some wouldn’t he?

it’s up to him

you do you.

it really is that simple

THIS 😂

He earns more than you but you end up paying for everything???!!!!

HELLOOOOOOOO!! Time to dump this cocklodger.

Years ago I did have someone who briefly tried to get me to mammy him like that - give him money or do his shitwork for him. He was informed that I could be a lover or a mother to him, not both. And that if I was expected to be his mammy, he'd not be getting sex ever again from me, plus I'd dump him anyway because it's not what I signed up for. He kept it up and yeah, he got swiftly dumped.

I'm 18 years with DH. I have never bought him 'holiday clothes' and if he dared to complain about not having new clothes for his holiday with the implied dig that I should have sorted it out, I'd go through him for a shortcut.

They definitely class as a gift. Quite a few of my presents from my fella have been gig tickets. He’s come with me as he likes the bands (only by being forced to listen to them because of me 😂) but I would never dream of telling him they don’t count because he gets to come too. Your man is definitely sponging off you, and you’re allowing it. I’m not going to tell you to leave him as that’s your choice, but you definitely need to open your eyes and take a look in the mirror. Then scrub the word mug off your forehead before you find yourself without saving because he’s spent it all. If finances are separate, then they should stay that way, he pays for himself and you pay for you. In my house out finances are combined and then we can spend what’s left, leaves no room for tit-for-tat over who is able to buy what. Good luck!

I’d just posted recently about something similar but it was a very new relationship. Let him pay for himself and yes take the money off him.

Stop buying anything for him - stop lending anything to him- stop giving him money...
See how long he stays.

Bin the leech.

OP - get rid of him before it's too late! It's only going to get worse

@dontgobaconmyheart is right please listen to this.

This man child - can you imagine longer term? Marriage ? Children? If he is this selfish and freeloading now what sort of long term partner would he make do you think?

Your money values do not align. You clearly save and look after your money - he is a spender and has no regard for whose money he spends. This will cost dear down the line. He isn’t behaving like an adult . He is also manipulating you even if he himself doesn’t realise it.

Find a responsible functional adult man. ( hard to find I know but they do exist). I suspect this one is selfish in more ways than just money.

Good luck.

@llpoolj how are you doing?

Obviously you don't OWE anybody a response.
But I suspect that all this has been horribly hard to read & you are reeling.
Also, that you are going to stay with your b/f - or at least until you've had the holiday, as you don't want to waste that.

That's nothing to feel shy about.
It's your decision, but I don't think there's been a single PP who hasn't seen your b/f for the nasty user he is.
How does that make you feel, & what support do you need with those feelings?

So what if he doesn't buy himself clothes! Nit sure why you think you then have to.

Dump him

Stop buying him stuff!! Just stop!!

He’s either spending his money on something he’s not telling you about and that’s why he’s wanting to lend from you and being skirty or he’s taking the piss out of you either way you deserve better. Get rid of him and take someone else on holiday and to the concert who will appreciate it and you more!

So what exactly does he do with his money? I wonder if he’s squirrelling away enough for a deposit on a house and very soon you won’t see him for dust. He wouldn’t have it any better if he was still living with mummy and daddy would he

He’s taking the absolute piss and to tell you you’re right is gaslighting. Get rid