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Original poster

Am I stingy? Boyfriend says i am?

390 replies

llpoolj · 29/10/2022 17:39

My boyfriend lives with me.
He earns £700 more than me a month.
He is always "skint"
He said he needed £20 for his phone.
So I said "il take it out of my savings account,just give me it on Monday when you get paid"
So then today he borrows another £10 and says so that's £310 I owe you Monday (£300 half of rent and bills )
I say no £330 ...£20 for phone too
He said "really ,your going to take that off me"
"I only topped up because you wanted me too"
(He didn't -he told me he needed to top up"
So he says "you know I would give you my last"
I said I buy you so much
I spent £10 buying him McDonald's today,I bought the food all week
I spent £170 last week on concert tickets for his birthday -then 2 hoodies for his birthday.
I reminded him of this and he says "no you can't class the tickets for my birthday -you wanted to go too"
I also bought us Xmas pjs for £30 two days ago

So how does he have the audacity to say I'm tight?
I just wanted it back to in my savings.
I'm feeling shitty and horrible now
I'm honestly not tight -I just don't want to get the mick took out of me

We go on holiday in two weeks
I've bought the sun tan lotion,after sun,case straps ,case locks ,luggage tags ,case scales,I bought him shorts for holiday and 2 tees and god knows what else

OP posts:
Unseelie · 31/10/2022 16:09

If he earns more than you, he should be giving you money, not the other way around.

Worse than that, however, is him arguing with you and bullying you, claiming you wanted him to top up, saying half the birthday present doesn’t count, etc. His gaslighting attitude is a huge red flag

This relationship has no future. The only question is how long it takes you to realise that.

Ladyof2022 · 31/10/2022 16:10

Has the OP ever returned to the thread?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/10/2022 16:14

SecretVictoria · 30/10/2022 18:18

What adult still tops up a phone, especially one who earns a lot?!

I do. Have neither need nor wish for a contract.

HedgehogintheFog · 31/10/2022 16:20

When DH and I were first dating, he was on a much higher salary than me. Years and years later, he admitted that he used to slip £10 notes into my wallet, as he knew money was tight, but he also knew I would never accept it from him if he gave it to me upfront.

He sounds seriously ungrateful. Of course the ticket is a gift if you are not expecting him to pay for his.

It doesn't really matter whether you can afford it or not, he is clearly taking advantage of you.

Fernticket · 31/10/2022 16:25

TheRossatron · 29/10/2022 17:43

How can women have sex with these kinds of men and find them attractive?

He's a shameless, freeloading cunt. He would be out of my life and my sight faster than a fart in the wind. Fucking rancid.

This💯.

newnamethanks · 31/10/2022 16:37

Still time to swap him before Christmas. Or return the pyjamas. Either way OP, you know what he is and you need to lose him ASAP.

caringcarer · 31/10/2022 16:45

He is only with you for what he can get from you. How on earth can you be happy with this unequal relationship? He really is not a keeper. Just dump him off, but you won't because you love him. He knows that and takes full advantage of you. Can you really not see why he stays with you, because noone we lose would be so stupid as to let him trample all over them and pay them for the treatment too.

Madamum18 · 31/10/2022 18:07

He is sponging off you and sees you as an easy bank account! You are letting him! Why are you with him? he won't change!

TurquoiseDragon · 31/10/2022 18:25

He's the one being stingy. He earns more but you are paying more. I don't think this relationship will end well. Either you get resentful at being asked to pay for everything, or you realise this is how it'll always be and leave him anyway. I vote for the second choice.

I left an abusive ex after 30 years, and I left with no savings because he coerced me into paying for so, so much. While he ended up sitting pretty with a paid up house, great insurance payouts and lots of cash savings. I still have the horrible memory of being sat at the dining table while he stood over me, phone in hand, forcing me to agree to transfer £10,000 from my redundancy payout to pay off his mortgage.

We're moving into his house as the kids inherited it. I'm glad at least that they've got his money, but I'll never be able to afford a house of my own now, short of a lottery win (and look at those pigs flying by...).

STARCATCHER22 · 31/10/2022 22:12

HedgehogintheFog · 31/10/2022 16:20

When DH and I were first dating, he was on a much higher salary than me. Years and years later, he admitted that he used to slip £10 notes into my wallet, as he knew money was tight, but he also knew I would never accept it from him if he gave it to me upfront.

He sounds seriously ungrateful. Of course the ticket is a gift if you are not expecting him to pay for his.

It doesn't really matter whether you can afford it or not, he is clearly taking advantage of you.

I don’t really understand the relevance of the first part of your comment. I assume it’s meant to be endearing and show how amazing your husband is… It certainly isn’t of any use or help to the OP…

TabsKane · 01/11/2022 10:07

Please. Stop letting him do this to you. Please. You have a whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to settle for this shit.

set new rules and ask him to be a better person. If he won’t, go and find a better person.

please do not stay stuck in this

MarvellousMonsters · 01/11/2022 10:14

What exactly is he spending all that money on that he's still skint??

He needs to write out a budget, income/outgoings. He sounds like a giant baby, if you don't sort this he'll be sponging off you forever. For goodness sake don't have kids until you've resolved this.

MsRosley · 01/11/2022 10:25

Why are you putting up with this tight-arsed tosser, OP?

Cattihorocks · 01/11/2022 10:28

dump him and move on

russetmellow · 01/11/2022 10:29

llpoolj · 29/10/2022 17:43

@Itsallyellow22 he won't buy anything ,then he will complain that I have new clothes and he has nothing.
I can't win

He sounds awful, and nasty, and stingy. He's the mean one, not you.

Booklover3 · 01/11/2022 10:29

Who paid for the holiday? I think you would be better off going alone! He’s a cheeky fucker.

CamelFlarge · 01/11/2022 10:32

Kick him out, or if he won't leave then you do (and end the tenancy). Write it off to experience, start afresh, be grateful you got out before any kids made it harder.

rossie21 · 01/11/2022 10:34

llpoolj · 29/10/2022 17:43

@Keyansier he doesn't have to pay for the concert tickets -I bought them for his birthday
He is saying they don't class as a birthday gift because I'm getting the second ticket as I also like the band so I'm going with him

What a nerve!

There is someone mean in this relationship. It’s not you.

PeachyIsThinking · 01/11/2022 10:35

We often give each other tickets for birthdays etc, but I could see why he might not see it as a gift- that’s something you need to agree in BEFORE you purchase such things.

He’s either right or he’s playing you. Neither is very attractive in a long term partner.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 01/11/2022 10:43

He's spotted your weakness (fear of being seen as stingy) and is exploiting it/you for all he can get. Run for the hills!

MavisChunch29 · 01/11/2022 10:44

Ditch him and let him get a credit card instead.

Theskyisfallingdown · 01/11/2022 10:45

OP not bothered coming back?

@llpoolj there are eight billion humans on the planet. There is no need to pay a man to be your boyfriend.

Topsyturvy78 · 01/11/2022 10:47

Ask him what he's doing with all his money. What does he do with the extra £700 he earns? I wouldn't be buying him clothes. You aren't the stingy one he is. Concert tickets are fine for a birthday gift. I took my daughter to a concert one year for her birthday.

abblie · 01/11/2022 10:48

Ammmm MOVE out ASAP the freeloader and stop being so soft ffs he is living like a king while your his slave

Kattiekat · 01/11/2022 10:51

He may be one of those people who no matter what put an amount in their savings.
once it’s in there they never touch it, no matter what it’s like that money doesn’t exist, so to him he really is broke.
I know someone like that. Will take your last penny while their savings remain untouched.