To feel inconvenienced by DH wanting 'better quality' sex

[dhaex]

NC here for obvious reasons, I have no one IRL I am comfortable asking this question.

DH recently has started to sometimes not get it up. He has started to say it's because I don't make an effort (admittedly I don't)

So I am asking if I'm your sex life you have standards? So for example he said he just wants a few basic things to make the sec better. He said he doesn't expect these every time but some of the times.

They are;

• shaven pubic hair
• a bit of makeup
• hair not looking a mess
• a wash beforehand

Are these things reasonable to expect of you before sex? To be honest I just cba to do these things in order to have sex but I also have to understand sex is based on attraction so I am being lazy to not want to do these things but equally we are TTC and to be frank it's wearing me out and I just cannot be bothered.

Please help do you except the above requirements to have sex?

Please don't come on saying what a twat my husband sounds I'm not here to roast him I'm genuinely wanting to know if people make an effort for sex and if so is the above ask fair

Thank you

It must make for a sorry spectacle when these ED guys watch porn, desperately tugging on their lifeless genitals, faced with the guys on screen having proper full-sized working penises.

You wrote "To be honest I just cba..." and that's the start and end of it. His requests (are they really demands?) are testers - it's already clear to him that you can't be rrsed - are you asexual or is it just you can't be bothered with him? There's still time for you both to find happiness but unless you buck up and either end it or decide to make an effort with your sex life it will only get worse. Honestly if it's got bad enough that you're asking strangers on the internet for advice you'd both be better off ending it asap and remain celibate or find someone who really does do it for you.

Lifeless genitals I can't 😂😂😭😭😭

I think these kind of “requests” would be a bit of a turn off in themselves tbh.

hello.... look, there is a lot more going on here than that the list of requirements and the 'not getting up'. Lets just slow down and relax a moment
His issues, your issues etc doesnt get you anywhere.
May I ask a little more about you?
How old are you both?
How long have you been together and can i hear a little more about your everyday rleationship and more about when you decided to go for a pregnacy?

Also if i may ask,,,, How do feel in general as in your physical and mental health?
How do you feel about trying for a baby?
thank you
BF

"these kind of requests are a turn off" what being clean?!

His porn use isn't excessive and I doubt it's having any effect on his performance. MN seems obsessed with the death grip idea. Many men and women watch porn as a stimulus to real sex. I think the real issue is this is a long relationship and a bit of boredom and stress relating to the TTC has set in. Hence he is trying to spice it up with making it look a bit like the porn. Personally I wouldn't like the shaving bit but there are other things possible. Two people with no children have a lot of scope for an exciting sex life so it's just finding things both of you find a turn on.

Me and OH both brush our teeth and jump in the shower beforehand, that's just a courtesy surely?

I never wear make up, shave sometimes but not every time, and never all of it (the regrowth 😬)

Shower and a shave before but otherwise no to his requests

If you’ve been out for a nice evening and are glammed up, maybe keep the hair done and makeup on until after you’re done. It’s probably a nice treat compared to no makeup and messy hair of usual.

Lol no. I never shave my pubes or wear make up anymore so definitely not for sex. Making an effort is more for special occasion sex for me (and even then not so much nowadays tbh!) Often it happens when we've just woken up so I haven't washed or done my hair. Sometimes I do ask my husband brush his teeth first if his breath bothers me when kissing and I'd do the same for him (although he doesn't care and never asks me to) but that's about it for making an effort. Usually a bit of kissing and touching each other and the rest happens no problem!

Tbh porn can cause erectile dysfunction- he's used to getting off to women who have gone to all that effort and now his dick is letting him down and he's making that your problem. I bet if he gave himself a break from it he'd have better luck. I know you say he'd never give it up but maybe he should use try 1 month of no porn and see if he sees any improvement.

I’m now a bit concerned that I’d been doing sex wrong for all of these years. Because I have never once thought it would be a nice treat if the other person was wearing some / more make up.

@Drodeadledbedfedheadredsaid Shaving for a pre-pubescent look and putting on makeup all for a porn star look, has nothing to do with being 'clean'!!

I don't think I have ever 'jumped in the shower beforehand'?

So you're getting down to it, and then you interrupt proceedings to have a shower? Are you not washing regularly enough in the first place?

I agree with the PP who said that men who want a completely clean and odorless fanny, might not actually be that into fanny! It's not supposed to be scrubbed to within an inch of its life at all times!

Noo we don't start then stop to get in the shower 😂 but if it's on the cards for that night (we're both self employed, have young kids, a house full of neuro-diversity and OH has a long term back injury, sex just happening is incredibly rare, we generally know by dinner time if it's going to fall into place).

We shower in the mornings generally, so if sex is planned we will both jump in the shower beforehand once the kids are in bed, often together so it becomes foreplay, and brush our teeth. By that time we've worked, walked dogs, walked the school run etc... I'm incredibly sensitive to smells so I'm not having a peen near my mouth that's not freshly washed, or having day long, 3 meals later breath in my face

I don't get wearing makeup to bed just to have sex, given it's in the evening and you will just go to sleep afterwards. But yes, shower, brushed teeth etc. are normal. Unless it's a spontaneous quickie during the day, but if we're at home my husband gets quick washing up, so we don't catch UTI or so. I can't have morning sex without brushed teeth too 😬

A quick update to this thread. I am the OP.

Yesterday for the first time in years I decided to make an effort and wear some nice underwear and surprise DH. It was the best sex we had in years, I agree with him and it's encouraged me to make more effort. Genuinely I found it much much more enjoyable.

I then today 24 hours later took pregnancy test that was positive sSp hopefully it's the end of my TTC journey,

Of course it's not from yesterday lol it's actually sadly from the time I posted this - so a bit sad to know it's happened when we were cross with each other but oh well.

Thanks for the replies on here anyway and thought I'd just come back to update

Congratulations!

Congratulations on the result

Being pregnant shouldn't stop you having fun though

@BigFatLiar @NoNameNowAgain thank you both.

I think it's TTC ground us both down to the point of creating this thread but fingers crossed that's the end of TTC I hope

Congrats OP but never put up with sexual nagging of any kind. xx

Well I'm glad you're happy but to me that's a really sad update. You're now tied for life to a man you agree is a misogynist.

Can’t help but agree :(
All the best OP with the pregnancy and bubba when he/she arrives ♥️ look after yourself

You categorically cannot get a positive pregnancy test after 24 hours. Bullshit.

It's from the other night I think..around the time this thread was created

Read it again - OP thinks she got pregnant around the time this thread was created.