Husband hobby..

[Angrywife123]

So I'm a sahm to 4 kids 7 & under.. my husbworks longish hours. He pulls his weight at home, I do main bits as expected cause I'm home more. I'd say I seem to do family days alone 60% of the time..

So here's my aibu:
My husband started a hobby about 8 months ago.. no problem.. but he wants to do it every week! Which I think is unreasonable.. he's now having a brat fit that he can't be good if he only goes once a month.. which is bullshit.
Its a whole day activity. If the kids weren't soo young it wouldn't be so bad but I just think it's a lot right now if I'm honest.. it means me carting the younger two around try to get the older two to party's, do homework with them.

I remember when my dad suddenly got into fishing.

He would go for a days out fishing. Worse thing, he hated fish!!

Men seem to go through these cycles of hobbies.

He did football and golf too. Now he just drinks

I'd be fuming if my husband disappeared once a week all day. He needs to have the children and give you a break. End of.

Tell him you’ve also decided you’re going to take up fishing as a hobby and you’ll be going once a week and that’s not unreasonable and he shouldn’t mind and if he does, you’ll be ringing up a friend to sulk and say DH says I’m not allowed, not fair, boo boo.

@BigFatLiar

i know you did

but as I said my hobbies aren’t really child friendly

but giving them up was non negotiable so I still did them and left them with their dad and then I looked after them whilst their dad did his sport.

And yes that meant a reduction in “family time” but so what? 🤷‍♀️ We still did see each other!

Hobbies - often a good way for men to check out of family life regularly.
Cycling - all day rides.
Golf - 18 holes 10am till 4pm every Sunday.
Fishing - night fishing, afternoons, matches etc.
Video games - headphones on, world of their own.
Sports - training, match days, practices.

Their justification is often along the lines of,
"I work 50 hours, I deserve a hobby and time on my own, you don't work, all you do is look after the kids..."

Do you run all day? Stay in the gym all day? The op isn’t objecting to her OH having a hobby, what is pissing her off is being left with four kids under seven ALL day for a day EVERY weekend.

I agree, men's hobbies do seem to go on all day. It's ridiculous. DH has been out for near on 10 hours today doing a hobby and is now home moaning about how 'knackered' he is. No doubt he'll be snoring on the sofa by 7 and in bed by 9. Tomorrow he'll keep going on about how he's 'coming down with something' or has a cold or a headache so he can just sit on the sofa all day

Some women's do too. Mine takes up most of one weekend day, sometimes the entire weekend and sometimes a weekday evening.
It's something that has never changed even when the kids came along.

That will blow some people’s minds on here!

Some women's do too. Mine takes up most of one weekend day, sometimes the entire weekend and sometimes a weekday evening.
It's something that has never changed even when the kids came along.
DH and I both scaled back our hobbies when we had DC, but can both happily have days away from the house.
The idea of being chained to the house to have family time all weekend sounds suffocating.

I wonder if it makes a difference whether the parents were hobby people before having children. People who were hobby people before children are probably going to be in relationships with other hobby people, so both value time to pursue their interests.
People who weren't hobby people pre children were probably happy pottering around the house and not doing too much, and would probably have a relationship with another non-hobby person, which makes it quite a bit change if their (usually male) partner suddenly gains a time consuming hobby once children arrive. The (usually male) partner suddenly wants to opt out of family life a lot, which is unreasonable, but instead of seeing an opportunity for both of them to have time out the house, the non hobby partner (usually female) uses things like 'but I want family time' as cover for 'i actually want us all to potter around the house together and have no desire for any interests beyond the home'.

You might not want to hear this but many people find looking after small children rather boring.

He works all week and wants to do something relaxing and fun in his spare time. Not unreasonable.

You could simply agree that you expect him to return the favour so you can also have time to yourself to do something away from the kids.

I assume you are not working full time so you have time during the week. He doesn't.

Having 4 kids to me is over the top and it does not surprise me that this is causing some friction.

@Artygirlghost 4 DC under 7 is working full time if you are doing al the household chores and metal load as well childcare and school runs.

OK so overall I'm not being unreasonable then? Lol I don't expect him to loose himself or give everything up.. he does other bits during the week (watching football in peace.. how he likes it) he also works hard, does equal share of taking kids to clubs, if I'm tired/had a crappie day he'll take over cooking and everything.. just like if he's had Shit day ill take control more. I'm not to fussed about hobbies at the minute.. I don't want tit for tat or equal days either really.. I just think half of our "free" days a month shouldn't be just him days.

I've been out for a few hours with one of the kids.. came back house is tidyish, kids have been fed.. so can't moan, he is how ever still having a bit of a brat fit that he's giving up fishing.. selling all his stuff (he won't) but I'm certainly not backing down and saying I'll be happy for him to go every week. Lol so thanks for making me not feel like some controlling crazy witch.

Something like every 3 to 4 weeks would be reasonable so you could tell him that's your compromise once he's stopped sulking and stropping about.

Hahaaahaa yes the op should just take up a hobby like fishing and devote an entire day a week to it IN HER FREE TIME WHILE SHES HOME WITH 4 CHILDREN. i think you’ve solved it!
Those children weren’t an immaculate conception by the way. If Dh says he wants a 4th to me he’s not getting a free pass on parenting them.

Update!! So he's still in a mood.. so I said OK if you want to go once a week then I get the same amount of me time!! I'll go out and do what I want one day a week.. I was told I was being spiteful and it was shot down straight away... he knows me doing something would mean drinks/dinners/places where there could be men! :o

@Artygirlghost i definitely don't have time during the week.. school run then cleaning up, never ending washing plus trying to entertain a 2 year old and 6 month old.. and yes looking after children IS boring.. the endless feeding, changing nappies, making bottles, cleaning up, playing boring games but WE had them.. so WE have to do them things for them.. & if I'm honest he wanted 3+ kids...

Definitely insist on equal time.

This was my dad. If we wanted to spend time with him, we had to go too. And we did. From an early age. No reason he can’t take them too - at least 1 or 2 of the DC.

"Spiteful"?! That's a revealing response about how he sees your respective roles in life. So you're just there to facilitate his life?

@Wideawakeandconfused he can't take the kids because its match fishing so its all day and competitive.. its complete crap.

@tickticksnooze he's always had trust issues.. God knows why I've never cheated or done anything to make him think I would.. he's just a selfish nob. So options

A. Let him go fishing, fuck him and leave him when I'm in a position too. Take his money and have a lovely/struggle day out with the kids.

B. Tell him he can't go fuckin fishing cause its not fair and have him around all the time with a face like a slapped arse..

Because obviously hes being nice and doing things to get his way. Absolute prick

Who told you he can’t? We did - and joined in the comp. I won many as a young child. Don’t make excuses for him.

Well he can't have it both ways can be

I'd compromise him on ever 3rd weekend but you will also be going out for a day every 3rd weekend or a weekend away every 6 weeks or similar.