Husband hobby..

[Angrywife123]

So I'm a sahm to 4 kids 7 & under.. my husbworks longish hours. He pulls his weight at home, I do main bits as expected cause I'm home more. I'd say I seem to do family days alone 60% of the time..

So here's my aibu:
My husband started a hobby about 8 months ago.. no problem.. but he wants to do it every week! Which I think is unreasonable.. he's now having a brat fit that he can't be good if he only goes once a month.. which is bullshit.
Its a whole day activity. If the kids weren't soo young it wouldn't be so bad but I just think it's a lot right now if I'm honest.. it means me carting the younger two around try to get the older two to party's, do homework with them.

My dad used to go fishing every weekend when I was a kid. My mum would make sandwiches and flasks of soup/coffee and off he'd go, loaded down with equipment and 5 kids in tow. Occasionally mum would come too and sit and read a book by the river. But mostly it was just us and dad. Your DH is using it as an excuse to opt out of parenting.

@tartytowers it's awful isn't it.. it shouldnt be such hardwork for someone who chose to Marry you and children with you to spend time with you. Its not like he makes effort to organise a day out for the family or a date day/time for us.

@Angrywife123 exactly the same here! My DH is out all day today and I guarantee he'll be too 'tired' tomorrow to do anything with me and/or the DC. Said tiredness will make him in a foul mood and he'll probably claim to have one or a selection of minor ailments so he can just laze around all day watching TV series' that he likes. So again, another day to himself whilst I do all housework/meals/ferrying kids around/dog walking

@ForwardRolls it's not about me doing my own thing... I'm happy spending time with the kids. I choose to have kids when I did and I knew what it'd take to have another and so did he.

Week nights are busy with clubs and homework/reading.. they are young so they all go to bed quite early. If I have one day off at a weekend and so does he then when do the kids get family time? When do we get couple time?

Why on earth does he need to go every week and for all day?!!! It's fishing!

My guess is, he wants to spend hours in peace by the side of a tranquil river without any young children around him. Bloody selfish.

If its match fishing it probably does take most of the day. It has a start and finish time then the weigh in and results.

Hence the final part of my post.

@Fladdermus Your childhood sounds lovely.. I'd happily do that. Family time outside! Doing things.. but funny enough my husband won't go on muddy long walks collecting sticks and stuff with us incase he gets his trainers dirty... he's a good hand on dad for practical stuff.. but if I'm honest he'd leave the older ones with tablets and the toddler watching TV all day if he had his way lately.

DH is a keen fisherman and during fishing season often pops out for an hour or so of an evening, or at the weekend. DDs 5 and 7 often go with him and love it. He does occasionally go for a full day without the kids in tow but maybe once every few months. There is absolutely no need to dedicate a full child-free day every week to this. It does depend where you live, I suppose, we are very lucky to have lovely fishing spots within 5 minutes walk so travel could add some time on, but even so! It seems like your DH's approach to this/attitude is the problem here rather than the demands of this hobby.

as a compromise would once every 2 weeks work for you both? he has 2 sundays a month and then family time on the saturday and you have the other 2 sundays and family time on the saturday, that way your kids still get some time.

But then I always thought fishing was were you turned up at 4am and were back home at 10

That's why I said one day per month each then 6 days per month family time.

I would also tell him he can go fishing after the DC are in bed.

Also he can wear his fishing gear to take the DC on an outdoor walk so his trainers don't get mucky 🙄

@BigFatLiar yeah I understand its a long day.. normal fishing would probably suit our family.. weekly doing this just doesn't suit our family's needs.

Exactly
This,

even if ur "Hobby" was to go shopping, stay in bed with door locked or go get a pampering, EVERY week........

Apologies, I had missed that it was competitions he was doing so my comments are less relevant other than the point that fishing in general doesn't have to be a time-consuming hobby.

Never really understood people looking to have time consuming hobbies when they have little children. Being mum and dad should take up your time. Weekends were fun times with them. We both wanted children and we both wanted to spend lots of time with them. We're a lot older now and those early years seem to have passed so quickly.

@Darkdarkdeeds I wouldn't mind it so much how your husband does it.. my older two would love going too, but he's only interested in matches and will only go one place that's 45 minuets away even thought we have 3 within 15 minuets of us.
It's frustrating cause I feel bad.. I've never said he can't go or stop him but it's also made very clear how I feel about it lol
I even brought my son a little rod for his birthday but my husband took him once and won't again.

Exactly @BigFatLiar! I actually want to spend time with my kids but my husband has always been intent on doing as many hobbies as he can. I actually feel a bit lonely as we have no family time and if we do he's in a foul mood. Mind you, he's never been a hands on dad either

he's now having a brat fit that he can't be good if he only goes once a month..

Ha ha! My DH has fished fairly regularly since he was a kid and he's still shit!

But he goes with his mates and/or his brother, they don't compete except with each other. I don't resent it because it's kind of like therapy for them but then we don't have children that I'm left with.

Once a month for fun is fine. Regularly to compete in your circumstances is bloody ridiculous.

@Angrywife123

YABU

so long as you get some time to yourself each week as well then I see no problem

it’s really important to have time to yourself and to have hobbies even when you become a parent

not every bit of time needs to be family time!

it’s GOOD for kids to see their mum and dad being PEOPLE not just parents !

@BigFatLiar

NO!!

being mum and dad should not take up all your time

it’s important to keep hold of some of the person you were before you had kids - your hobbies, etc

you don’t cease to exist as a person just cos you’re a parent

I divorced a fisherman, we didn't even have DC!
It's a really antisocial sport unless you are involved in it.

@Hadalifeonce yeah fishing isn't what I thought it was.. or at least the way my husband does it. Poor bloody fish too. Lol

@rainbowstardrops

its not selfish at all to want some time for your self

so long as op gets time to herself too

what’s the issue?!

@tartytowers

most people want to do both - spend time with their kids and spend some time doing their hobby they enjoy.

Doesn’t make them a worse parent then some parents who give up everything they used to enjoy - hobbies, going out with pals etc when they have kids

We did lots

We have an allotment which takes up lots of time
We work on old cars (ours to start with)
We go to various rally for steam and old engines, visit old steam railways, hike.
Most of these though we still did with the children, they had their own little garden on the allotment (basically a sand pit), they had their own workbench in the garage to help out, lots of fun on the trains and rallys.
We didn't cease to be who we were we just adapted to include our children.