Husband hobby..

[Angrywife123]

So I'm a sahm to 4 kids 7 & under.. my husbworks longish hours. He pulls his weight at home, I do main bits as expected cause I'm home more. I'd say I seem to do family days alone 60% of the time..

So here's my aibu:
My husband started a hobby about 8 months ago.. no problem.. but he wants to do it every week! Which I think is unreasonable.. he's now having a brat fit that he can't be good if he only goes once a month.. which is bullshit.
Its a whole day activity. If the kids weren't soo young it wouldn't be so bad but I just think it's a lot right now if I'm honest.. it means me carting the younger two around try to get the older two to party's, do homework with them.

@LuckySantangelo35 agreed. But I'm sure you'll have read in my post that my DH doesn't want to do both, just his own thing?

@LuckySantangelo35 of course it's important to have some time for yourself but the OP isn't getting any!

She has four children every day and has to go on days out etc with the children on her own!
Of course he can have a hobby but not to the extent where it isn't fair on everyone and it's affecting the family as a whole. That is selfish!

My husband goes twice a month but the difference is we only have two children. Since they were both about 6 he has taken them with him. Would that be an option? I love the peace when they go 😁

It's not about OP getting her own time, it's about her time with her children being made more difficult because her husband doesn't take part.

Four kids. To entertain. Every weekend. That's a LOT. I only have one and I'd be decidedly unimpressed if DH disappeared all day every Saturday.

@BigFatLiar

that’s great if you can include your kids and adapt your hobbies to them

you cannot do that with all hobbies though

my hobby is gym/running - can’t do these with the kids in tow

should I just give them up?

He needs a different hobby.

Buy him a train set.

@SeptemberSon yeah that's exactly it.. we went into have a lot of kids with a close age gap.. we made the decision together.. I want my kids to each get the same amount of attention and days out as family's with less kids.. and they do but its all done at my expense.
i have a lot of mum guilt having so many (couple of happy accidents) which is obviously on me and I get he needs his time but a weekend is so short for him not to be around for half of it is a lot

He is using his new hobby to try and check out of family life and leave the remaining 40% to you!

You need a break, so does he - it should be completely equal. With four kids it is extremely unlikely to happen until they are older.

So it would be a big fat no from me. I would tell him to pack in his tantrum and get on with the weekend.

@Kissingfrogs25

what do you mean by “getting on with the weekend?”

there would be no way I would be doing anything if my partner spoke to me like that!

Yes you give them up if you have 4 young children unless you can do them in your own time once they are asleep in bed.

As in get on and look after the children.

@Kissingfrogs25

nah

does everyone really give up exercising unless they can do it when the kids are in the bed?!

really?!

it would be hard to only do it when kids in bed especially in winter when it would be dark to go running once they’re in bed

The thing is, women, or rather mums, have hobbies that take an hour or two; a run, a gym class, meeting a friend for a coffee or a couple of drinks. We don't usually have hobbies that take all day or sometimes a jaunt of a few days to do.

Wait until he wants to do 'night fishing' because that'll be the next step.😉

Exactly!

can’t believe some people on here think I should give up something that I enjoy and that keeps me fit and that takes about an hour to each time!

There comes a time where you just need to live your own life, and sod the dull boring old men you've been lumbered with. Once mine completely lost interest in spending any time with us, I returned to work and cultivated a new social circle and my own hobbies. He can do his hobby one weekend and you can do yours, or your plans, the weekend after. Lots of laughter and conversation, which Meldrew indoors can't provide.

He can realise you're not a house servant. If he gets freedom, so do you.

@LuckySantangelo35 you obviously really enjoy your hobby and done it prekids also or you had less kids to fit around your life.. my husband decided he wanted this life with children.. this amount of children knowing the work that would go into it then decided to take up this hobby that takes up basically a day of his time everytime & quite costly doing it the amount he wants to do it. And like someone else said it takes up the second day of the weekend too cause he's tired after and the evening before while he sets it all up.. once a week is a lot.

That’s me now… just do my own thing now, girly holidays, one Sunday I even booked myself a holiday and left on the Tuesday… the look on his face when I said ‘I’m of to Spain the day after tomorrow’ byyyyyeeee!

Oh god yes, my husband does the setting up the night before too. He's really disorganised and leaves stuff everywhere then gets in a mood when he can't find X or Y that he put in an obscure place a year ago.

You keep saying you both decided to have a lot of children

I'm mkt sure who you're trying to convince but I suspect it's maybe not as true as you think

You should both be entitled to time off and family time.

Figuring that out is obviously going to be harder when you've got loads of kids

I like your style!! Thats brilliant!

I've never said he can't go or stop him but it's also made very clear how I feel about it lol

Which amounts to the same thing. That would worry me slightly.

Sounds like an excuse to check out of parenting.

Tell him that from now on you each get a full Weekend day to yourselves and see how he responds

Create yourself a hobby and go fortnightly, therefore he can go fishing fortnightly. Even if you can't think of anything, go shopping for the day but tell him you're going to a group of ladies who meet to learn a skill, make something up, he'll never know.

So when is your day off ?