Partner left me 8 months pregnant and 2 weeks later had a new girlfriend

[EJLx]

I'm currently days away from having my baby and her dad has just admitted he's in a new relationship and has moved in with this woman, he decided he'd tell me now because they would both like to have my daughter over at their house for sleepovers when she's born. He left me at 6 months pregnant with no explanation, then weeks later came back and said he'd made a mistake so we got back together.... 2 months later he left me again only this time it came out that he'd been seeing other woman and telling them how he'd love to be with them and not me, telling me he was on night shifts when he was actually taking different women out, I say women, they were 18/19 early 20s. We haven't been together since, he swore blind none of it was true but minds were already made up and we'd decided we would leave it and just concentrate on being parents. He moved out to live with friends and he'd come round and see me, telling me he was sorting himself out and he wasn't with anyone and he was putting all his efforts into sorting himself out for when our daughter is born. In the last few days it's come to light that he's actually in a full blown relationship with someone, not one of the ones from before, and hes moved in with her. I received a message from her telling me how she's going to love and look after my daughter and they want her to stay over at their house when she's born....out of the blue, it was only a day before this that he was telling me he's living between friends and has no fixed address. I tried to be nice and grown up and I said it was fine and that we'd make something work somehow... But I know I'm kidding myself , I've now told him I don't want him at the birth I don't want him anywhere near us and that he'll have to take me to court. I feel awful, I love him so much and this baby was planned and wanted more than anything , I cant believe he's done this to me. He's said he'll go to court..he's keeping his new girlfriend and he wants my baby too. Should I just get on with it and allow it ..let him come to the birth, let her be a part of my baby's life let them take my baby overnight every now and again... Or put a stop to it now and let it go to court... I never wanted this, I wanted him to be part of everything even with all the cheating but the fact he's moved in with someone and she has the front to come to me and tell me she's going to do this that and the other just sickens me. My baby isn't even here yet and I'm already having to think about sharing her with a woman I've never met. I don't know what to do for the best, I still love him and I know that's clouding my judgement, I just don't see why he should get this new happy life and my baby included when I've been left, completely alone, after almost 8 years together. I'm so sad and confused 😭

I am also saddened to see so many people say don’t put him on the birth certificate. I know I personally would hate to not have a named father on my own birth certificate, don’t do that to your child.

But you absolutely should give her your surname, tell him he is not coming to the birth and block the new girlfriend.

I also would not make him go to court over access because I feel he will enjoy that process and will stick with it probably more determinedly than he will stick with agreed visitation. Overnights are not appropriate with a young baby but I would agree to regular short visits that he probably will get bored of doing quite quickly but at least you know you have done what you can in your child’s best interests - which is to have two involved parents.

If unmarried she cannot put his name on the birth certificate. he has to do that.

as he is being manipulative her signing the certificate alone is reasonable.

his name can be added later it’s not a do or die situation.

@EveningOverRooftops

The more I think about this, the more I'm convinced it's more likely the gf manipulating the situation.

I mean who does that? Texts a heavily pregnant woman telling her her baby will be loved by a complete stranger who is (currently) shagging the child's father?

Seems she's wanted to push the OP 'over the edge' to create immediate drama and, from her POV, in the longer-term increase the likelihood the father will not achieve any access at all due to her bizarre demands.

I suspect, very much, frequent visits to see his child, in his ex's home, just the three of them, will not be a comfortable situation for the gf.

For goodness sake we all know the process when unmarried, I doubt previous poster was being so literal and really meant don’t actively prevent his name going on.

I am not surprised to see the naivete around putting a man's name on the birth cert. There are a lot of women here who have been conditioned to be kind to the point where you you shoot yourself in the foot and expect a pat on the back for selflessness.

Allowing a name on a birth cert is not merely a courtesy.

It has enormous repercussions as long as the child is a minor. A vindictive, bored, mean, abusive man can make a woman's life hell just because his name on the birth cert allows him rights over the child, which naturally impinge on the mother's life.

If this man genuinely wants to be a part of the baby's life then he needs to demonstrate interedt by financial support, and he needs to go to courtvto establish that he is for for the privilege of contact. I would strongly suggest that his conduct during the relationship, including abandonment of the mother while pregnant, is not an indication of any kind of concern for his baby.

No judge in family court will look askance at a woman who is not married refusing to out the name of the father on tbe birth cert. She can easily point to the appalling way the relationship broke down when she was pregnant, and the outrageous demand from the new girlfriend and the former BF to have the baby overnight from birth. If this man tries to insist on this he will be refused as the best interests of the baby cone first, and he will be shown up as a man trying to play keep away, not a man who puts the baby's best interests first.

She's been with him 2 weeks! Under no circumstances do you let your baby out your sight. He can still see baby, at your house. No over night stays.

Who in their right minds want to rip a newborn baby and their mother apart because he's found a new shag mate after 2 weeks.

It really isn't true isn't it that some people fall in love so quickly when they don't have anywhere to live!

Stick to your guns, you do not have to hand your baby over. I certainly wouldn't.

And the new woman sounds a bit full on! Sounds a bit odd actually.

I'd literally take my baby and run if possible. Move, deactivate social media, number & email change. Let him find you if he's so keen.

Since it's going to be you and the baby most of the time it would make sense for you to breastfeed the baby. No need to get out of bed to make a bottle etc. It'll work out cheaper for you and help with your argument that the baby doesn't go for sleepovers. He's made his choice, you need to be strong for your baby now.

Log everything, cold factual details only, no emotion. Then you have a record to use in court should you need one.

Do what is right for you and baby. Keep him away from the birth. Keep him off the birth certificate (if you aren’t married) he can be added later if appropriate for your child and he proved himself to be financially and emotionally reliable. Offer visits to yours (him only) a couple of hours at a time, a few times a week. And try your hardest to BF.

This is excellent advice.

Give the baby your surname

Definitely go through the CMS for maintenance. Don't let him get away with not supporting his child. Especially after the way he has behaved.

All the advice here is really good OP/ do listen and don’t get stressed and sucked into their games.
in actual fact his new girlfriend sounds very young, naive and dare I say desperate. She sounds paranoid that when the baby comes he will want to get back with you so she wants to insert herself to make sure that doesn’t happen.

So sorry OP what a distressing situation.

Priority right now should be on you and your baby. Tell him you'll be in touch when you're ready for him to visit (not crazy GF) after the birth, then block him (and the GF).

That gives you space to give birth and register baby with your surname and focus on building a hat bond with your baby.

When you're ready you can then contact him to let him know baby is born and when is a suitable time for him to visit. Make clear girlfriend is not welcome, and be sure to have someone with you for support who will be on your side.

You can then discuss visitation (as others said, not overnights for at least the first year, possibly never if you don't want it) and child maintenance (take a look at what CMS would give you and ask for more).

I know you're heart broken but your baby will arrive soon and if you focus on that bond you'll soon see you're better off without him. But also be open with your Midwife and seek extra emotional support where you can.

Good lucl

There's a middle ground between letting your newborn go and stay with your ex (not ok regardless of whether he has a new girlfriend or not) and refusing contact so he has to go to court.

he should be having contact at your house or if you can't bear that, for very short periods at his house or in the community (but it will make it much easier for you if you can have him come over to you for an hour every other day for example) and there is no need for her to be involved at all.

Oh sweetheart, what horrible thing to go through.
Your ex sounds really flakey and his
" girlfriend " must be really naive
My bet is that by the time you deliver your precious daughter he will have moved onto the next woman.
Honestly, try not to give him anymore headspace.

Anyone with such shallow emotions will not turn out to be a reliable father figure.
You'll be doing everyone a favour by blocking him and girlfriend (s) and turn your attentions to being the vest mom you can be without this ridiculous pantomime.

There's no need to be rude. Actually I disagree. I don't think everyone knows the process at all and I fully believe that when people talk about how wrong it is not to put a father's name on the birth certificate, they do think that this is something a mother can choose to do. She can't if unmarried, unless the father is present or with certain documentation in his absences.

This is horrible, after 8 years of marriage he planned to have a baby with you and 6 months on he already cheated and seems to have completely moved on from you as seen from the text of this new girlfriend.
But you should not trust this woman as she's only been with him for very short period of time and I doubt she's gonna last that long, not likely to be as long as 8 years! So you're still the most important person in his life.
The fact that he moved out to sort himself out means that he's not going to the direction you want him to, maybe he made a mistake at the beginning to satisfy his sex drive as he couldn't have it when you're pregnant? But I'm not justifying the action for him, and what it means for you is that he won't be in the role of your life partner anymore, and this is something that you will take some time to understand.
Personally, I won't let him have it all after what he's done to you, think about yourself because you'll be the mum of this baby and the lifeline of a new little life, get other support around you and assume he is now out of your life temporarily and cut your connections with them so you can be surrounded by people who give you good vibes-happy mum happy baby.
If you still love him you can hope he will come to senses and come back to you eventually, but after you've made it without him you may think twice when he beg you back again.

I would be doing:

1. not allowed at birth, it is for you to feel comfortable
2. CMS straight away, he can bloody pay for his child (don't forget to register for child benefit, too)
3. little visits to your house to see baby when suits you and him, no girlfriend allowed. It's bonding for dad only
4. even if you're not BF, you tell him you are. Have ready made store bought bottles in your bedroom and go there for "privacy" if baby needs feeding. Then there is no reasonable way for overnights or taking baby from you.

Good luck, what a dick

Meant to add, your surname.

So sorry you are in this situation. I agree with this post. Also a bit more strongly I think girlfriend sounds weird and nasty. What woman not only gets with a man in knowledge that he is in a relationship, but also knows woman is pregnant ? I would say don’t let her into you or your baby’s life she sounds messed up you must block suggestions of contact with her. Take care of yourself you are vulnerable at the moment. Your partner? Sorry complete waste of time. But for child’s sake devise a way of contact for future. Of course court he needs to be ordered to give financial support to you. Take care, it’ll get better

with his past track record I highly doubt he will even be with this woman by the time your baby is old enough for sleepovers !

Your baby is not a doll for them to play happy families with after they've screwed you over.

If you're breastfeeding then the baby stays with you and his little g/friend doesn't get to play mummy with expressed milk and feeding bottles.

Totally agree with PP DO NOT put him on the birth certificate. He’s stressed you out so much during this pregnancy which any reasonable partner wouldn’t do for fear of damaging the babies growth. That’s where his heads at, I’ll do whatever the eff i want and you can deal with it. It stops here. This isn’t about you and him, its about your child. The fact the new shag think’s she’ll be having your baby overnight is both laughable and alarming. No birth certificate no rights. Offer limited contact as pp mentioned if he plays ball and steps up offer more when appropriate when she is older. Emotions need to be put aside, this is about your babies welfare nothing else, and I wouldn’t think of handing my baby over to this clown and his latest childbride to play happy families with til they get bored next.