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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police as DS isn't home

166 replies

KilianAmarien · 28/10/2022 21:14

DS is 12 and is adopted and has ASD. He went out this morning at about 11am and is still out, he only took his pocket money which is about £10. He messaged me at about 5 and told me to stop calling him and I can't make him come home and he's staying at a friends.

This is his 2nd time doing it, I don't know this friend, he was excluded from school and is currently at a PRU, and has always struggled to make friends.

I just don't understand why he's done this as since being at the PRU his behaviour has gotten better there and at home.

I'm worried about where he is etc, we adopted him and his sister when they were 4&5.

He is currently being seeing by cahms for his behaviour and he does suffer with anxiety, mainly about me leaving him as we are very close. I messaged DD to see if DS has mentioned any friends to her and she said no.

I just want him home. Will I be overreacting to call the police? ExH says I would be although I'm not sure if he's biased as hes also blamed me as DS has never done this with him, although according to DD he is constantly saying he wants to come home whilst there and he misses me etc.

OP posts:
canyouextrapol · 28/10/2022 21:16

I'd have called hours ago! 12! He's a child!

CellarBellaatemycoal · 28/10/2022 21:16

Yanbu. He’s still little. Of course you’re worried.

Needmorelego · 28/10/2022 21:17

Yes call the police. Now.

AriettyHomily · 28/10/2022 21:17

With the background. Even without, call the police.

user29 · 28/10/2022 21:17

Yes of course you do! Jeez!

kitcat15 · 28/10/2022 21:18

Of what significance is it that he is adopted?

TeaAndJaffacakes · 28/10/2022 21:18

Call OP. Non urgent line rather than 999 I would have thought. If nothing else they’ll have advice on how you should handle the situation. Hopefully they will be able to trace him via his cellphone.

SnarkyBag · 28/10/2022 21:19

kitcat15 · 28/10/2022 21:18

Of what significance is it that he is adopted?

It’s gives a lot of context behind the behaviour actually so quite relevant

StoneofDestiny · 28/10/2022 21:20

Yes - call the police. He's only 12.

Poetnojo · 28/10/2022 21:21

kitcat15 · 28/10/2022 21:18

Of what significance is it that he is adopted?

So as not to drip feed. For background context. Could you really not figure that out by yourself?

Rachie1973 · 28/10/2022 21:21

kitcat15 · 28/10/2022 21:18

Of what significance is it that he is adopted?

Quite a lot. Research childhood trauma and then ask.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 28/10/2022 21:21

Sounds like he is worried that actually you won't worry and get him found... So obviously that's what needs to be done ASAP.
Ime when school and friendships are a struggle they question whether anyone at all thinks they are great. More so being adopted imo.
What an awful night op.

PunchDrunkTurtle · 28/10/2022 21:22

kitcat15 · 28/10/2022 21:18

Of what significance is it that he is adopted?

You're trying to take offence to something clearly relevant.

Yes, OP you should absolutely call.

Singleandproud · 28/10/2022 21:22

He is a vulnerable child: ASD, MH difficulties and adopted. He is perfect bait for County Lines recruitment mention the above to the police when you call.

ChefCheese · 28/10/2022 21:24

Call the police

Darbs76 · 28/10/2022 21:24

kitcat15 · 28/10/2022 21:18

Of what significance is it that he is adopted?

Oh come on. If he had been adopted at 2hrs old, maybe no significance. Fact he was 4 or 5, hugely significant to this thread

Mrsjayy · 28/10/2022 21:25

Definitely phone the police he's a vulnerable child don't bother with the non emergency line just phone 999.

gamechangling · 28/10/2022 21:30

Have you got controls on the phone so can track - life 360 or Apple find my friends?

Google family link to control apps
Or family safety - can turn off apps - which May be advantage possible not today but in future -

Would certainly have rung if don't know the friend or can't track or get to friend - & certainly nearer 5 -

Phone now - ensure state vulnerable - & they can track device if you can't

40andfit · 28/10/2022 21:32

I would have also called hours ago.

Newmumatlast · 28/10/2022 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rainydaize · 28/10/2022 21:36

Hope he comes home soon OP

Coldilox · 28/10/2022 21:38

I’m a police officer, and I would urge you to call. He is 12, vulnerable and you have no idea where he is. They will take it seriously.

GinandDubonnet · 28/10/2022 21:41

DH is a police officer. 999 definitely.

Starlightstarbright1 · 28/10/2022 21:42

Yes call. I had similar at that age. I informed him I would call the police if he didn't come home ..

He has adhd /asd..

He came home not wanting police involvement.

Hope your ds comes home soon

girlmom21 · 28/10/2022 21:44

Please call them. I hope you're all ok

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