Husband ordered FOR me?

[SirMoose]

Going to start off by saying I have an eating disorder. Quite severely. It effects most areas of my life and I find eating very stressful. My husband knows I have an ED but I don’t think he quite grasps how bad it is and how difficult I find life. I also have some other issues going on currently that are effecting my executive functioning.

We decided this morning to get a takeaway tonight and watch a movie. This is great, I had plenty of time to think about and think about what I want to eat etc. Sat down to order tonight and he starts reeling off food from his mobile to me. Due to my functioning issues atm I found this really stressful as I couldn’t process anything he was saying and said to not worry about it I’ll have a look myself in a minute. I like to look through the menu and argue with myself in my head about what I’m going to eat. It’s just a little ritual I go through.

He then said it will be here in half an hour. So he just went ahead and ordered for me. I know he was trying to just avoid me stressing and thought he was doing a nice thing but I feel so anxious now. I’ve come upstairs for a little cry as I really don’t want to eat now, I feel like all the control has been taken away from me and I have no idea what’s arriving as he told me what he ordered verbally and I just can’t process things.

i know it’s probably me being a twat but Aibu to be this upset?

Someone struggling with their mental health would enrage you?

I don’t have an eating disorder and I’d be extremely pissed off if my husband ordered for me. It seems a bit controlling to me. Is he doing it to try to get you to eat more? If so that’s extremely misguided. I would also struggle to take it in if a long list of food was reeled off at me.

YANBU OP. I hope you mange to find a way to help yourself get better.

I get it OP. Been there.

It's the loss of control. He's really messed with your head.

He needs to be made to understand how utterly counterproductive and intrusive this behaviour is.

Gosh some people really don't understand eating disorders on this thread....

OP, is it possible your partner misunderstood you? You said you went blank and then you said something- could he have misinterpreted him?

Could you speak to him about how you feel? I think it's important you're upfront with him about how your ED affects you. Although I know this is hard...

@MolliciousIntent Yeah because these services are sooooo readily available at this moment in time.

He can have a snack. OP can't switch off her ED. Why can't people think

Apologies @SirMoose O forget some people don’t live in the arse end of nowhere and can order Deliveroo 🤦‍♀️. It sounds like an infuriating process for both of you, maybe just order separately in future? I hope you manage to get the help you need.

This

The NHS is hopeless for mental health support. Endless waiting lists, and periodic annoying text messages which get your hopes up thinking it might be an appointment, but they're just asking you to confirm you still want to be on the waiting list.

I feel for you but there is help out there. Your issues do impact on others. I hope you get some help

What a cuntish remark.

I think yanbu and some of the replies here are really harsh.
If he knows you need to do your own order, he shouldn’t have done what he did. It’s not like you were going to keep him waiting for an hour.
He seems to have very little understanding of your disorder, or empathy.
I don’t have an ED or any other disorder, but I could absolutely not choose my food from someone reeling off a list verbally - “do you want this this this this or this?” I need to see the written menu. And I would absolutely hate it if my husband ordered for me, even worse if he didn’t even say he’d done that and the food just turned up.

I feel like he was saving you from having an argument with yourself about what to eat. He was trying to help, go easy on him, also on yourself. Hope you can put it behind you and as other have said seem some help from your go.

I don't have any ED advice but this entire situation can be avoided in the future with better communication.

Tell your husband that when you get a takeaway you want to be able to read the menu (not have it read out to you) then select your food yourself. Tell him it's a weird little ritual you have. Tell him this when you're feeling more calm. Then it just becomes the way you order takeaways as a couple. It's not an unreasonable request at all.

(I don't have an ED but I like reading menus myself too.)

What about a hypnotist OP? Would you try that route to help with your ED?

OP said she would only take 5 minutes. I doubt this is the actually case. It's a tricky situation but we are all human and it's not you and I having to assist OP...the husband probably didn't wish to faff around otherwise OP would of spoken up clearly it's a deep issue

Have you ever heard of www.healthtalk.org ? People with loads of different diseases in lots of different phases of life talking about them and how they have affected them, might it be worth getting him to have a look so he understands what you are going through?

Does anyone else feel like this is all just a touch too attention seeking?

@monicagellerbing What a horrible comment!

If you think I’m a troll just report and move on.

@SirMoose the best you can do here is ignore the nasty posts. AIBU really isn't the place for posts like this, try mental health or relationships next time. The provision of support for any mental health issue is just not enough. People either aren't really listening to your posts or want to believe you're lying about that.

Keep trying with your GP. Have you set out how much this is effecting you? They're unlikely to listen unless you're very graphic and very distressed when you see them, even then laying it all out can get you nowhere but it's worth a try if you haven't previously. Online support groups I expect Facebook would have some.

Where I am the local university has psychology master's courses and runs group therapy for EDs and cheap one to one CBT and online CBT. You might find there's a local support group or an online one. It could be worth googling to see if there's a local ED support group or group therapy. I'd repost what you're going through, you might be able to find out where or how you can access support in the mental health board. Good luck with it all.

You say it came from a good place, I voted YABU.
You think that he was trying to be helpful.

Hope you get some help with your ED 💐 I’ve no experience, I’m sorry if that’s the wrong thing to say.

Please elaborate on the fact that nobody will help you, because that simply can't be true

How incredibly rude of your husband. If my husband ordered before I'd had a chance to choose what I wanted I'd be annoyed, how controlling of him. ED aside, what if you just didn't like what he picked?

No. Like I said it’s long.