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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How much alcohol does your DH/DP drink weekly? (Average)

298 replies

Macbeth8 · 28/10/2022 20:12

Wanting to know as DH claims his drinking is below average for a man his age (mid 30s)
I disagree
Just a general idea would be nice so I could show him!

OP posts:
FlirtyMelons · 29/10/2022 10:35

During the week none then if he goes out at the weekend he drinks ridiculous amounts, it's a very unattractive quality. I'd much rather share a few drinks together rather that him get so wasted he can't even speak properly. He's 55 and just got worse as he's got older.

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 10:36

Yes Dh will happily drive in the morning even after drinking half a litre of vodka and a few bottles prior this.

My dhs parents drink absolutely shitloads and he isnt put off? Its like the norm in his family. They get offended if you DONT have a drink..the amount of times Iv been offered one and felt awkward cos Ive said no.

He is always functioning, never has a hangover and seems to think drinking this much is normal.

At first I blames lockdown where he drank much more TBH (finishing 2-3 one ltr bottles of vodka instead of 1 a week!)
But now its a constant battle . He says this is how much his colleagues drink. He doesnt go out drinking, prefers to drink at home so he always throws that one at me too cos apparently at his age men go out drinking 🙄

OP posts:
BreatheInFor4 · 29/10/2022 10:36

DH drinks probably 3-5 cans of beer a week at home, a few pints in the pub on a Saturday (2-4), and occasionally has a couple of mini bottles of red wine at home during the week. I’d say he averages about 10-20 units a week.

i have no problem with it, as his attitude towards alcohol is healthy. He doesn’t binge or drink every day, doesnt get drunk or act up, doesn’t need to drink to enjoy himself, can easily stop at one or two, or go without.

I’m teetotal because I had a drink problem! I haven’t had a drink for a few years now.
I remember well justifying necking a bottle of wine a night. That’s alcoholism for you.

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 10:40

I would be reporting him for drink driving @Macbeth8 that might be the wake up call he needs

monsteramunch · 29/10/2022 10:43

Yes Dh will happily drive in the morning even after drinking half a litre of vodka and a few bottles prior this.

He's drink driving.

One of the most selfish underreported crimes.

It's disgusting behaviour and would make me look at someone completely differently.

He's presumably not an idiot, so knows why there are laws about alcohol and driving.

Which means he's not doing so due to ignorance. He's doing so due to selfishness.

FlirtyMelons · 29/10/2022 10:45

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 10:36

Yes Dh will happily drive in the morning even after drinking half a litre of vodka and a few bottles prior this.

My dhs parents drink absolutely shitloads and he isnt put off? Its like the norm in his family. They get offended if you DONT have a drink..the amount of times Iv been offered one and felt awkward cos Ive said no.

He is always functioning, never has a hangover and seems to think drinking this much is normal.

At first I blames lockdown where he drank much more TBH (finishing 2-3 one ltr bottles of vodka instead of 1 a week!)
But now its a constant battle . He says this is how much his colleagues drink. He doesnt go out drinking, prefers to drink at home so he always throws that one at me too cos apparently at his age men go out drinking 🙄

This definitely isn't normal. We are a 'drinking' family but definitely don't drink that much. My dad probably has a whisky each might but that's about it, he will have probably 4 or 5 pints if out at the weekend.

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 13:00

He said its never shown up on breathalysers..he knows how much he can have apparently?
Yeh does the school run after drinking half a litre

Im confused when posters are saying o1 or 2 beers? Os that pints, cans, bottles?
DH drinks 500ml bottles all the time n says that it may look like hes drinking alot (our brown recycling bin is usually full or u can hear the loud clattering sounds of filling it up) but says they are bottles not pints

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 13:03

Has he been stopped by the police? You let your DC go in the car when he is over the limit?

Get your own breathalyser and check before he drives

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 29/10/2022 13:21

A 500ml bottle is a pint minus two mouthfuls (568ml = 1pt). Him trying to deny or claim otherwise is farcical. At that level of justification and excuses he's a functioning alcoholic.

monsteramunch · 29/10/2022 13:29

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 13:00

He said its never shown up on breathalysers..he knows how much he can have apparently?
Yeh does the school run after drinking half a litre

Im confused when posters are saying o1 or 2 beers? Os that pints, cans, bottles?
DH drinks 500ml bottles all the time n says that it may look like hes drinking alot (our brown recycling bin is usually full or u can hear the loud clattering sounds of filling it up) but says they are bottles not pints

So you let him drive your kids to school the morning after he's had half a litre of vodka (20 units) because he says it's fine? Because he's wrong.

And frankly you should know, just common sense wise. that someone isn't safe to drive at 8/9/10am if they've drunk half a litre of vodka the night before.

I can't believe you've taken his word for this and continue to be fine with him driving them to school.

He mentions a breathalyser - so he has been pulled over and breathalysed before?

Millsbills · 29/10/2022 13:31

Nothing regularly. DH is 35 and is a drink at Christmas and special occasions person. As am I

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 13:33

If I was a parent at your DC’s school I would be reporting him both to the police and the school

monsteramunch · 29/10/2022 13:34

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 13:33

If I was a parent at your DC’s school I would be reporting him both to the police and the school

Me too. Drink drivers are underreported and people like me who have been on the receiving end of their selfish behaviour have had our lives turned upside down because they wanted the convenience of driving after drinking.

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 13:37

@monsteramunch we lost a family member due to a drunk driver. I am sorry you have been impacted too

monsteramunch · 29/10/2022 13:37

So you let him drive your kids to school the morning after he's had half a litre of vodka (20 units) because he says it's fine? Because he's wrong.

And frankly you should know, just common sense wise. that someone isn't safe to drive at 8/9/10am if they've drunk half a litre of vodka the night before.

I can't believe you've taken his word for this and continue to be fine with him driving them to school.

He mentions a breathalyser - so he has been pulled over and breathalysed before?

Just to add to this, whenever he has half a litre of vodka, he is consuming 20 units and 1000 calories on that day. NHS guidance suggests a maximum of 14 units a week. So he's having more than that in a single day.

By putting his health at risk and his child's life at risk when he drives after drinking so much the night before, he's a pretty shit dad tbh.

And he's putting at risk everyone else on the road too. What a peach.

monsteramunch · 29/10/2022 13:41

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 13:37

@monsteramunch we lost a family member due to a drunk driver. I am sorry you have been impacted too

I'm so sorry to hear that Flowers

Thank you, life changing injuries for me including a condition from head trauma that saw me unable to work for over a year and will mean medication and treatment for the rest of my life.

All because of selfish people like OP's husband.

Drink driving is nowhere near stigmatised enough when it comes to the morning after, in my opinion.

I feel like the message has gotten through for most people re drink driving during the hours they are actively drinking, but people like OP's husband doing the school run the next day don't seem to give a shit.

And I'm sorry to say that OP knows full well he's drunk that much the night before and has allowed him to do the school run anyway, which makes her complicit.

Proteinpudding · 29/10/2022 13:42

My DP sounds similar to yours OP, we've both always preferred spirits (he's actually allergic to wine, and though we both like beer, find it very bloating)
He will get through 1-2 bottles of rum or whisky in a week, with a few (500ml) cans on top. He will have a drink at home 3-5 evenings a week, though no major difference between weekend and weekday.

I have noticed with our friends that it seems to go to either extreme; when people stop going out as much, either the drinking tails off naturally, or they get into drinks as a hobby (eg premiums drinks, fancy wines, cocktails) at home - and then if there is always alcohol in the house it can creep up rapidly.

My DP im sure has some awareness of health risks for the future, but right now he's annoyingly fit and active, his hangovers are mild or non existent. Fortunately he works from home and doesn't need to drive.

I have cut down and I'm hoping that it might encourage him to at some point but given he really doesn't see any downsides I can't see much changing, unless he gets bored of it. It does worry me though.

Shakirasma · 29/10/2022 13:43

DH drinks 500ml bottles all the time n says that it may look like hes drinking alot (our brown recycling bin is usually full or u can hear the loud clattering sounds of filling it up) but says they are bottles not pints

The difference between a 500ml bottle and a pint is 68ml. That's literally a couple of extra mouthfuls. The fact he makes an issue of that in order to claim a defense is ridiculous

thelobsterquadrille · 29/10/2022 13:44

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 13:00

He said its never shown up on breathalysers..he knows how much he can have apparently?
Yeh does the school run after drinking half a litre

Im confused when posters are saying o1 or 2 beers? Os that pints, cans, bottles?
DH drinks 500ml bottles all the time n says that it may look like hes drinking alot (our brown recycling bin is usually full or u can hear the loud clattering sounds of filling it up) but says they are bottles not pints

Your DH has a serious drink problem.

Goingonab33hunt · 29/10/2022 14:08

A lady I know was killed recently because of a drunk driver. She left behind a baby who will never know her mum. OP please don't allow your H to drive in that state no matter how much he claims he isn't drunk.

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 15:48

He bought a huge box of breathalysers for France so has used them if hes drank night before and always under? I dont think hed risk his job tbh

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 29/10/2022 15:51

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 15:48

He bought a huge box of breathalysers for France so has used them if hes drank night before and always under? I dont think hed risk his job tbh

How do you know he's using them? Does he do it in front of you and do you see the results?

monsteramunch · 29/10/2022 16:00

Macbeth8 · 29/10/2022 15:48

He bought a huge box of breathalysers for France so has used them if hes drank night before and always under? I dont think hed risk his job tbh

Sorry, just so I'm clear you really think that if someone drinks half a litre of vodka in the evening (20 units) then they wouldn't be over the drink drive limit taking kids to school in the morning?

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 16:10

Have you seen the results of these tests?

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 16:11

Does he do them properly?