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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I overreacting about my sil

194 replies

abi9396 · 28/10/2022 15:25

My sil is starting to really bother me but I don’t know if I’m thinking to much into it. We have a 6 week old son and a 6 year old son. We visited mil and sil last week and sil said to my partner that we need to wean baby a lot earlier this time as we made a mistake last time and didn’t wean our eldest early enough. She said it quite firmly to my partner and acted as if I wasn’t even there. Another day this week we had to leave our eldest withmil and sil happened to be home that day too so after we left i had a message of her asking if she could take that baby out but didn’t want to use his pram she wanted to use her own. She said if you don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m taking it as a yes and taking him out anyway. She keeps saying we’re using the wrong nappies they’re to cheap. Every time we visit mil and sil she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs. She’ll talk as if I’m not sat in the same room as them, saying the milk don’t come out of his bottles fast enough, she messaged me the other day to say I could come over and pick a photo of my baby to take home with me if I liked. She messages me all the time demanding a photo of the kids as she’s misses them constantly. Am I thinking to much into this. When my eldest was a baby I remember a comment she made about the baby grows I used to dress him in, she said she was sick of seeing him in the same colours.

OP posts:
escapingthecity · 28/10/2022 15:27

She can git tae fuck.

Does she have children of her own?

Brefugee · 28/10/2022 15:28

just use these words: Fuck. Off.

and make sure they are not in sole charge of your baby until you know you are ready to wean.

What's your husband's position on this?

SunshineClouds1 · 28/10/2022 15:31

Wtf

How old is she?
Does she have kids?

I wouldn't leave baby with them tbh if she's not happy about waiting for a reply from you.

Your baby, you parent how you want.

abi9396 · 28/10/2022 15:34

escapingthecity · 28/10/2022 15:27

She can git tae fuck.

Does she have children of her own?

no she doesn’t have children of her own. She really wants a baby of her own she always has and was trying for a baby with her boyfriend but found out he was living a double life for the 8 years they were together. She lives with mil and has a spare room full of baby stuff. But now wants to use her own pram for my baby

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 28/10/2022 15:37

She sounds unhinged just tell her to fuck off

escapingthecity · 28/10/2022 15:38

Sounds like she is projecting some of her own views onto your kids as an outlet for the maternal feelings she desperately wants to pour into her own children. That is sad for her. But she needs to zip it

Name99 · 28/10/2022 15:38

How old is she?
She doesn't sound well tbh

SunshineClouds1 · 28/10/2022 15:40

no she doesn’t have children of her own. She really wants a baby of her own she always has and was trying for a baby with her boyfriend but found out he was living a double life for the 8 years they were together. She lives with mil and has a spare room full of baby stuff. But now wants to use her own pram for my baby

Sorry but it's like she's trying to mother your baby.
It's sad she hasn't been able to have her own but having a room of baby stuff ready etc, she doesn't sound well.

nomistake · 28/10/2022 15:41

Have you seen the hand that rocks the cradle?

Underanothersky · 28/10/2022 15:45

Tell her to mind her own business

Electricstar · 28/10/2022 15:47

Just from what you’ve told us it sounds like SIL is struggling with the fact that she does not have her own children and she is almost using your baby like her own. Everything you have said, especially about taking baby out in her own pram makes me think that she wants to pretend or act like your 6 week old is her baby instead.
Her comments about what you should or shouldn’t be doing, are what she would do with her own baby if she had one. I wouldn’t take these comments to heart.

On one hand I feel really sorry for her, I know how hard it has been myself watching others have babies whilst I couldn’t or after my losses. But, I think mentally she sounds unwell and I am not sure if I would be able to trust her too much with my baby because of this.

Cw112 · 28/10/2022 15:47

It sounds like she's jealous and sad that her own life hasn't gone that way and she's using your kids as surrogate children for her own grief. Which is awful and I feel so sorry for her, but it's not OK to treat you that way. Can your dh speak to her gently and tell her to back off a bit or could he get his mum to have a word, whoever it would be best coming from. It sounds like you just need to start having really clear boundaries with her and shutting her down when she's being pass remarkable. Eg you're not buying expensive enough nappies, we're happy with these nappies for now thanks. Change topic and move on. I think I'd find it so grating tbh but remembering that it's from a place of her own sadness rather than any reflection on my parenting would probably help me find patience with her.

flatterthanever · 28/10/2022 15:48

don't understand the photo thing? But yeah this sounds like a tough dynamic driven by her own situ but for sure not fun for you

abi9396 · 28/10/2022 15:48

SunshineClouds1 · 28/10/2022 15:40

no she doesn’t have children of her own. She really wants a baby of her own she always has and was trying for a baby with her boyfriend but found out he was living a double life for the 8 years they were together. She lives with mil and has a spare room full of baby stuff. But now wants to use her own pram for my baby

Sorry but it's like she's trying to mother your baby.
It's sad she hasn't been able to have her own but having a room of baby stuff ready etc, she doesn't sound well.

when my eldest was a baby, she went out and bought her own pram for him even though she never had him regularly but she wanted her own choice of pram, it was never used. She always said we weren’t weaning him early enough and needed to do it sooner. My partner listens to her criticism and advice and then comes back to me and tells me like we should try what she says. But she’s never been a parent

OP posts:
ABJ100 · 28/10/2022 15:48

She really sounds deranged and I would be wary of leaving your kids there. What is your dh saying? You need to tell her to back off.

ExtraOnions · 28/10/2022 15:49

Practice this … say “ Thanks for sharing your views”, head to the side, smile … then ignore anything she says

Name99 · 28/10/2022 15:49

I think your partner needs to grow a backbone and tell her to stop giving this advice as its not wanted
Does the family generally tiptoe around her?

neverbeenskiing · 28/10/2022 15:50

Your DH needs to pull her up on these co

SquishyGloopyBum · 28/10/2022 15:50

You have a partner problem here op. He needs to back you up.

mushroomdecoup · 28/10/2022 15:50

I agree with sunshine she doesn't sound very well. When you said use her own pram I thought she had her own children, she doesn't have children and she is possibly looking to use your baby as a substitute for the one she doesn't yet have. Otherwise she would use your pram.

I would tread very carefully on this one. Her not acknowledging you in the room is like she is ignoring the fact that you are a mother. Her giving out advice on your baby when she has never had one of her own is worrying behaviour.

I don't know about anyone else but I was originally told it would be very difficult to have a baby. I bought my first baby item after my first scan at 12 weeks. Nothing before and nothing major until after the 20 week scan.

neverbeenskiing · 28/10/2022 15:51

Sorry posted too soon, your DH needs to pull her up on these comments. She has clearly had a very difficult time, but that doesn't give her the right to treat you like this.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2022 15:51

Don't be a doormat. Tell her very clearly to back the fuck off and she can keep her parenting advise to herself. You need to stand up for yourself and you need to have a huge talk with your partner.

mushroomdecoup · 28/10/2022 15:52

Incredibly worrying reading your update about your partner listening to her advice. She is not the parent of the child, she does not get to say when a child is weaned. Why is he listening to her? I would be reducing the amount of time either child spent in her presence especially if you are not there.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 28/10/2022 15:52

Block them. Let your dh send pics. Be less available for visiting and visits. My ils never had my mobile number. Made for a much easier life op.

ChaosDemon · 28/10/2022 15:53

nomistake · 28/10/2022 15:41

Have you seen the hand that rocks the cradle?

Beat me to it, that movie is all I could think about reading this thread!!