Am I overreacting about my sil

[abi9396]

My sil is starting to really bother me but I don’t know if I’m thinking to much into it. We have a 6 week old son and a 6 year old son. We visited mil and sil last week and sil said to my partner that we need to wean baby a lot earlier this time as we made a mistake last time and didn’t wean our eldest early enough. She said it quite firmly to my partner and acted as if I wasn’t even there. Another day this week we had to leave our eldest withmil and sil happened to be home that day too so after we left i had a message of her asking if she could take that baby out but didn’t want to use his pram she wanted to use her own. She said if you don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m taking it as a yes and taking him out anyway. She keeps saying we’re using the wrong nappies they’re to cheap. Every time we visit mil and sil she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs. She’ll talk as if I’m not sat in the same room as them, saying the milk don’t come out of his bottles fast enough, she messaged me the other day to say I could come over and pick a photo of my baby to take home with me if I liked. She messages me all the time demanding a photo of the kids as she’s misses them constantly. Am I thinking to much into this. When my eldest was a baby I remember a comment she made about the baby grows I used to dress him in, she said she was sick of seeing him in the same colours.

She'd trigger my anxiety. I'd tell her to stfu, mind her own business and get busy making her own kids.

She sounds mentally unwell, angry, and jealous! Maybe she wants your son for herself. I’d avoid all contact

I believe she is mentally unwell. I do not want to scare but in a weak situation where sadness and jealousy play it's cards your sil might hurt your children fatally or cause death. Yes, I'm over reacting here. I also thing I'm over thinking. But I read stories like this on news all the time. And I want you to take care of your children and never leave them in your sil care in your absence. From the examples you mentioned she sounds like she is very jealous of you and that's why she ignores you as If you doesn't exist.

Your partner is the real issue.

he is enabling his mother’s and sister’s behaviour and belittling you/your mothering skills.

I think you should put your foot down with your DH and distance yourself from his family.

The SIL doesn’t sound mentally stable.

Nightmare. It doesn't help that your partner acts as if she is reasonable. She's not.

Exactly my thoughts

^

100% agree with all of this.

I’d start texting her with suggestions of where she might go with friends to meet a dp, text her telling her it’s no good babysitting nephew you need to get out there and meet men

play her at her own game

if it upsets her

say I’m looking out for you Mother Nature is bitch and I’m not

every time she text you, say concentrate on finding a man, go to this place with your friends ti meet a man

She’s using her kids as compensation for lack of her own. To me it sounds like you need to set a few boundaries with her as a lot of this stuff like weaning is none of her business

Print out the Australian immigration forms and leave them where she will see them.

Or a simple “F**k off you deluded cow” might work.

This is diabolical.
I'm sorry but your DP I'd enabling this.
Seen as youre surrounded by a bunch of kids and not adults, I'd stop going. Don't use them for childcare.
Just down go.
If your DP asks why tell him you've spent years explaining and your sick of him not listening to you.
If you get any msgs from SiL/MIL then relay that you've had enough of this bizarre behaviour, that sil needs serious help and she wouldn't allow that kind of unhinged behaviour towards her own child one day. Say it plain as day that vying her own pram and pretending your kids are hers is quite disgusting.
I'd even put the boot in and say that 6YO dislikes them and it's clear their behaviour is affecting your children so you won't be bringing them down.
If they want to see you kids they can make an effort themselves to come to yours (as PP said there are Oxy cylinders for travel use).

Be brutal. Fuck them. And fuck your DP for being a mummy's boy and not giving a shit about his wife. As a side note - my exh NEVER had my back when my ILs were around and I am happily divorced now!

Your SIL is clearly mentally unwell and needs professional help. Your MIL and DH enabling her is making things worse. I’d be clear about this with DH - he should support her in getting her the help she needs.

There’s no way on earth my children would be with them unsupervised. The 6yo doesn’t want to be with them. The 6wo doesn’t need to be left with them.

When you visit, be ready to physically take your baby back when you want to. Please don’t be fobbed off. “Thank you but I am taking him back now/changing him”.

When SIL dictates anything to do with baby care, have one or two phrases to close the conversation down, then change the subject: “We already have an approach that works for us / we’re happy with the way things are. Now, how’s your friend Jean?/ what did you think of the new Prime Minister/latest Strictly vote” Anything to divert.

Could you visit MIL when DIL is at work?

Please raise this with your HV in front of your husband so he can hear an independent , professional view: “We’d really appreciate your thoughts on how we can deflect the well-meaning advice from SIL - she’s very keen on babies and has a whole room full of baby clothes and equipment ready for when she decides to start a family. She’s telling us to wean baby DS asap. What are your thoughts on this?”

My SIL lost the plot when she realised she would never have children aged 45. She was a bit odd to start with but I bore the brunt because I dared have a happy marriage and a child. I had an awful miscarriage when I was 39 and her behaviour around that was so crap it made me despise her. I refused all contact with her for five years at one point. It’s the only time DH and I had a bad falling out. As much as you can feel sorry for someone who is suffering if they are going to treat you like shit then why would you put up with it.

This is where that crap blood is thicker than water stuff gets in the way. If it wasn’t his sister no way would he have put up with it and not would yours. Do not let your DH take your baby to the house without you.

Oh I can….my ex mil made it clear she didn’t like me but gave up her pt job as soon as she found out I was pg with our first. Both our mothers helped out with childcare but mil was a nightmare, telling my ex that she would come over the day after we got home from hospital so she could be the first one to take him out in his pram….nfh!! There was a lot more crap that went on, I am a fairly strong personality but believe me it’s not always easy when you’re trying to hold a relationship together along with being a new parent and everyone is undermining your confidence. Hence why they are now ex.

@ExtraJalapenos @MeridianB

totally agree with these two replies, OP please take their advice and put an end to this situation.

Tell her that nearly all adults with IBS were weaned early.

@threatmatrix. can you link to a source for this information, be really interested to read about this & how early is early? - thanks

It does sound like your SIL is having some form of mental health issues. The fact that she has a room full of baby stuff and a pram that she has bought rather than using yours. Your husband needs to have a chat with his mom with a view to getting his sister some counselling. She isn't a 'nut case' that needs sectioning, but she clearly has some emotional issues and some talking therapy with a professional will hopefully help her. I do wonder if she maybe had an early miscarriage whilst with her previous partner which might also explain why she has a collection of baby stuff at home.

So when Mil passes baby to SIL, and she starts telling you what to get out of the changing bag, you just laugh and take the baby off her. By force if you have to. And you say he’s my baby you know not yours. I know that sounds cruel, but you need to stop this right now. Your nephew needs you?! You say no MiL my son needs his mother. Call them out every single time.

As many of us suspected, they both tried to wean your oldest child without your permission and behind your back. And that child will no longer go anywhere near your SiL. That is such a red flag on its own. And MiL is clearly backing looney SiL.

MiL not being able to visit could be a blessing in disguise…. Because if you have to visit you can leave when you choose to. Are they very near to you? How often do you visit now? I would seriously start reducing visits. These two women are seriously nuts. None of their behaviour is normal. Stop leaving either of the children with them. You can simply say that your older child is a bit clingy at the moment and the baby needs his mum. So the taking baby out in her pram won’t happen. Then have a chat with your health visitor. I think it’s important that someone else knows about this crazy behaviour just in case. Tell her about the attempt to wean and the pram etc. I do think SiL needs help, but the priority has to be your children. They are not safe around these two.

And think about showing this thread to your husband. It might help him to see how very disturbing their behaviour is.

You know this isn’t right, or you wouldn’t have started this thread! Trust your gut instincts and protect your children. Personally, I would seriously consider moving away from them.

Either you and your baby never are there again. Ever.

Or you tell SIL in language she will understand to shut up and fuck off. She's not the parent. Her opinion is unwanted and irrelevant.

Oh and you have a DP problem but I suspect it will be easier to deal with them than him.

”why is it SIL that you think you know better than me, his mother, and the whole of the NHS?”

I agree with discussing with the HV when next convenient. Trouble is, if you separate from DH, SIL will be having all his time with the kids.

Dear god in heaven. Agree wholeheartedly with the PP who say that (a) your SIL needs counselling as she is obviously having some kind of mental health crisis where she is trying to make your child hers, and (b) you meed to go NC until either your partner backs you up, or she stops.

As for the 'can't leave the house because of oxygen' - as others have said that's bullshit on your MIL's part; my mum's friend is on permanent oxygen and swaps to the travel sized that go in a bag on the back of the wheelchair so she can go shopping / to bingo with her daughter. I would tell your partner that, too.

I do understand that your SIL may be upset by her lack of children; hell I needed help after all my miscarriages while we tried - but I never tried to say that my nephews or godchildren were my own, or tell their parents how to parent!

I am also concerned by the 6-yr old's reaction. You need to find out in a gentle way why this is -my gut feeling is that he's being asked to call aunt 'mum' and being introduced as her son when out. Given that I went nc with my own mother when I found out she was making my dd call her 'mummy' it's not beyond the realms of possibility.

The main thing though is to get your PP to back you up. Definitely get the HV to wade in on your behalf in front of him but it does sound as if he will defer to MIL/SIL instead of you no matter what - and unless that changes, it's a whole other problem.

Good luck, stick to your guns xx

Sounds like your partner is lazy and happy to handover his kids to whoever.

start refusing to visit them, he can visit his mother and sister, have plans on days he wants to visit.

don’t reply to SIL’s messages, you’re busy with a baby and young child you’re not going to see every message.

don’t respond or react to your SIL at all.

altho I think you’d have less of a problem if your partner had your back.

How old is she op and how old are you?