Am I overreacting about my sil

[abi9396]

My sil is starting to really bother me but I don’t know if I’m thinking to much into it. We have a 6 week old son and a 6 year old son. We visited mil and sil last week and sil said to my partner that we need to wean baby a lot earlier this time as we made a mistake last time and didn’t wean our eldest early enough. She said it quite firmly to my partner and acted as if I wasn’t even there. Another day this week we had to leave our eldest withmil and sil happened to be home that day too so after we left i had a message of her asking if she could take that baby out but didn’t want to use his pram she wanted to use her own. She said if you don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m taking it as a yes and taking him out anyway. She keeps saying we’re using the wrong nappies they’re to cheap. Every time we visit mil and sil she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs. She’ll talk as if I’m not sat in the same room as them, saying the milk don’t come out of his bottles fast enough, she messaged me the other day to say I could come over and pick a photo of my baby to take home with me if I liked. She messages me all the time demanding a photo of the kids as she’s misses them constantly. Am I thinking to much into this. When my eldest was a baby I remember a comment she made about the baby grows I used to dress him in, she said she was sick of seeing him in the same colours.

Agree with everyone else that this behaviour is not normal, big red flags!!!
Whilst I don’t think you need to be aggressively rude ( cos we all know that will backfire and you will get accused of being mean/ upsetting her/ rubbing it in her face as she couldn’t have her own, could also provoke her into trying to harm you/ dc in some way) you definitely need to keep your kids away from her. Your DH needs to read this thread and wake up to what is going on here. The fact that your older one will not go near her is telling you all you need to know, please follow your instinct and safeguard your kids because all the signs are there.

As others have said, tell her to fuck off. I certainly wouldn’t leave your DC with them, it sounds like they really have a problem. Buy her a “Tiny Tears” doll (if they still make them); that would be an ideal Christmas gift for her. Oh, and tell your DH to pull himself together and back you up, unless he wants to move in with MIL and SIL.

If your MIL wants to see the baby she comes to your home - without your SIL - and SIL gets nowhere near your baby.

And if your "D"H doesn't grow a backbone and support you in this, maybe ask yourself if you actually want him around either. He sounds very unsupportive.

@Natty13 "I eventually told him if he wanted to make parenting decisions with his sister, he could fuck her and make a baby for them to do with what they wanted."

I am in awe. You rock, and I raise my glass to you. 🍷

I think this is just because of her need to have a baby. Ask your dh to discuss ivf with her.

Why in the ever loving fuck are you still engaging with this? Tell her to fuck off - and have strong words with your DH at the same time.

You're right to be concerned as this is worrying behaviour especially wanting to put your baby in her own pram. That's clearly so she can pretend that your baby is her baby. I would not be surprised if she is plotting to try to ma You're right to be concerned as this is worr
You're right to be concerned as this is worrying behaviour especially wanting to put your baby in her own pram. That's clearly so she can pretend that your baby is her baby. I would not be surprised if she is plotting to try to make it seem like you are not a good mother and the nappies and the milk comments seem to support the possibility. Of course she's on a hiding to nothing but I would make sure that you limit her alone time with your baby xx
ying behaviour especially wanting to put your baby in her own pram. That's clearly so she can pretend that your baby is her baby. I would not be surprised if she is plotting to try to make it seem like you are not a good mother and the nappies and the milk comments seem to support the possibility. Of course she's on a hiding to nothing but I would make sure that you limit her alone time with your baby xx ke it seem like you are not a good mother and the nappies and the milk comments seem to support the possibility. Of course she's on a hiding to nothing but I would make sure that you limit her alone time with your baby xx

yes she does live with my mil. I’ve spoken to my partner about the way she is it feels like we’re having the exact same conversation that we had years ago when my eldest was a baby. She bought her own pram when my eldest was little and I remember telling my partner I wasn’t happy about this and him making out like I was over reacting. I’ve not long found out that mil and sil tried my baby with a little bit of food before we had started weaning him which I had no idea about. Every one we visit them baby is passed between mil and sil. If he needs a nappy change mil will pass him to sil who then tells me what to get out of his bag. I feel like I just don’t exist when we’re there. My partner is quite happy for them to take over though he says it’s his time off from baby duties when he’s over his mothers house. Every time my baby cries when we are there I go to see to him but mil quickly calls for sil telling her that “your nephew needs you, he’s crying”. My mil agrees with everything sil does. My mil can’t visit us as she’s very over weight without sounding rude and has to have oxygen running constantly so she never leaves the house due to her health so we have to visit her at her home.

You don't have to tolerate this. Why on earth aren't you telling them to F off. It really is that simple

You absolutely need to put a stop to this. It’s extremely controlling behaviour. I would definitely cut down on the visits to the in-laws. How often do you visit? Oh, & your OH sounds like a wet blanket for not supporting you.

It does worry me that she pretends my baby is hers. I always remember reading a message on partners phone a few years back when my eldest was 6 months and sil asking to take him out as she wanted to use her new pram. Sil wanted to take him into her work place to meet everyone. She’d also bought a travel system and sent a photo of it to my partner saying “make sure she doesn’t have a shit fit about me having my own pram” and partner didn’t see anything wrong with it when I told him how I felt and that I was over reacting. He’s always been the same, when I haven’t been happy with what mil and sil does regarding our children I’ve always been the unreasonable one. We had so many arguments over mil and sil when my eldest was a baby. Things calmed down as my son got older and mil and sil backed off. But now we have baby number 2 it’s like it’s all happening again if that makes sense.

Even if she's a full-time oxygen user, she can still leave her home, by using portable oxygen cylinders. How do I know this? Because my DM has emphysema and uses oxygen full time.

Oh I didn’t know this. My partner always tells me
she can’t come over and we have to go over there to visit. She never leaves her house

I always feel threads like this are almost unbelievable, who would genuinely let their in laws behave like this 🤯

I really feel for you it sounds like mil & sil work like a tag team; but he’s your baby & they’re seriously over stepping some boundaries & your Dh needs to back you up 100% or the children need to be kept at home whilst he visit alone. God I’d have gone nuclear if anyone had tried to introduce solids to my child without my permission this woman has some serious issues; the list of what could have happened to him are endless & hubby needs to see this as she is a direct risk to his children if she can go behind your backs & give solids because in her obscure brain thinks it’s time then what else is she capable of doing; the woman sounds a few sandwiches short of a picnic & mil is encouraging her odd behaviour. It’s also quite telling that your older child doesn’t want to go out alone with his aunt has he ever been able to verbalise why? It might be worth having a gentle chat with him to see why he feels so strongly about not wanting to be alone in her company his answer could be really important xx

I would be keeping them both at arms length. Your SIL sounds crazy but let’s be nice and say she’s not very well. I would be clear in a nice way to your dh what you think and that you’ll be visiting less. Can you get additional support for you, like have your mum or family around more? Have you asked dh why he thinks taking advice from his sister is a good idea when she’s not had children? How about you get advice from your mum, family, friends?

It's sad for a broody woman not to be able to have her own baby although these days she can using donated sperm. She is trying to demean you over your children and interfering with the way that you bring them up. This is to make her feel better because she can't do it. But, this is obviously upsetting you and you and your children are the important ones here. You need to take a stand and explain to your DH, MIL and SIL that you are finding SIL's behaviour upsetting and that if she continues to behave that way then you cannot continue to visit her or allow her to visit. If you have no problem with MIL then she can visit you. DH may be annoyed but you need him to understand that her behaviour is unacceptable, you may be surprised. My MIL interfered between my DH and his siblings making me the bad guy over something I had no knowledge of. His sister wrote an awful letter to him refusing to have anything to do with my and he wrote back to her that I, and our sons, are his family so she could take a running jump. Lots more happened and she apologised but DH has never forgiven any of his family over it.

My partner is quite happy for them to take over though he says it’s his time off from baby duties when he’s over his mothers house.

I'd tell him "Well then, you'll be overjoyed to know that your 'time off' will be even better because neither the baby nor I will be there to interrupt it. Neither of us will step foot in that house until MiL and SiL understand WHO is the mother here, and behave accordingly.

The SiL buying her own pram & baby accoutrements wouldn't really bother me. If she wants to waste her own money, more power to her. But her (and MiL's) behaviour is out of bounds. Way out of bounds

She may even be telling people that your baby is hers when she's out and about or visiting mates (if she has any)
I think she needs help and I definitely think you should not visit your mil when she's there.
Why haven't you told her to shut up before now? She sounds weird and I bet she's telling strangers that your baby son is hers.
You need to put a stop to it immediately.

It sounds like your dh has grown up with mil enabling and excusing behaviours and sil is the perfect example of that so he's glazing over what's very obvious to everyone else. If my kid was crying and mil was passing them to sil to settle I'd be walking over and saying "it's ok I'll take him now" and if she refuses just state "I've got this thanks but he wants his mum" and lift him from her. You don't need to do it in a rude way but be firm. And I'd tell dh that you're done being undermined as a mother and that's how it's going to be from now on. If my 6 year old wasn't happy to be there I wouldn't have them there unsupervised anyway but to be honest the solids behind your back thing would have taken me to the fair. That's dangerous and id be so super clear that if they try anything like that with this one then neither child will be visiting in future.

Oh hell no!

Fucking hell - the hand that rocks the cradle.

Show your husband this:

YOUR SISTER IS UNHINGED AND NEEDS MENTAL HELP. HAVING A ROOM FULL OF BABY STUFF AND A PRAM WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE A CHILD IS NOT NORMAL.

Sorry to be harsh, I’m sure she’s had a tough ride, as have most people these days - everyone has a story. However, it’s not an excuse to act like a stark raving lunatic/baby snatcher in training.

I'm not troll hunting but I can't honestly fathom how this situation can be true.

If someone behaved like they are behaving I'd laugh in their face and ask them wtf is wrong with them.

Op, you aren't even properly responding to what people are saying. You just sound passive about it.

You all sound very odd.

wow, your SIL is an absolute nutcase. Theres no way id be letting her anywhere near my children

Sounds very much like my ex & his mother - his sister was normal though & had 2 kids of her own. MIL always knew best & DH would tell me to listen to her - I got fed up of being second fiddle & arguing with him about his mum so he spat his dummy out. I made all the decisions after that & stuck to them. That's 15 years ago and he's still the same, his mother comes first even now, we're long gone.

In your situation they're all controlled by the sister, DH does things their way to keep them happy and to make his life easier - but at a cost to you. He's married to you, they are your children - no-one else's. They should follow what you tell them to do with your child, NOT the other way round. Your children need protecting from this behaviour - they come first every time, no ifs no buts - daddy is enabling his mother & sister. He needs to grow a pair and take responsibility for you and your children, his family come way down the list. Take care and be strong xx