Am I overreacting about my sil

[abi9396]

My sil is starting to really bother me but I don’t know if I’m thinking to much into it. We have a 6 week old son and a 6 year old son. We visited mil and sil last week and sil said to my partner that we need to wean baby a lot earlier this time as we made a mistake last time and didn’t wean our eldest early enough. She said it quite firmly to my partner and acted as if I wasn’t even there. Another day this week we had to leave our eldest withmil and sil happened to be home that day too so after we left i had a message of her asking if she could take that baby out but didn’t want to use his pram she wanted to use her own. She said if you don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m taking it as a yes and taking him out anyway. She keeps saying we’re using the wrong nappies they’re to cheap. Every time we visit mil and sil she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs. She’ll talk as if I’m not sat in the same room as them, saying the milk don’t come out of his bottles fast enough, she messaged me the other day to say I could come over and pick a photo of my baby to take home with me if I liked. She messages me all the time demanding a photo of the kids as she’s misses them constantly. Am I thinking to much into this. When my eldest was a baby I remember a comment she made about the baby grows I used to dress him in, she said she was sick of seeing him in the same colours.

I would be keeping my kids well away from her until she gets help for her serious psychological issues.

Cut off contact. Sad she cant have kids but she's trying to take over and undermine you.

It's very sad she hasn't been able to havea child of her own but that doesn't mean she gets to play a parental role in your child's life.

Think it's best to put up some boundaries and stop ignoring some requests.

Your DP is as deranged as her if he is even thinking of taking her advice

I was going to ask if she wanted children - Im pregnant and I have a friend who is a little like this, telling me I'm doing everything wrong when preparing for a baby, she wants children too but we're in our 30s now and all her relationships haven't worked out.

I think like my friend, your sil's behaviour probably comes from jealousy

Serious boundaries issues. I’d be putting a stop to that asap! Speak up and shut her down when she steps out of line, if these things don’t work have a proper sit down talk with her to explain your issue-sensitive but firm. If that doesn’t work don’t visit or majorly limit visits. Your DH needs to step up too, you’re a team!!
shudder! it’s really unacceptable & downright creepy behaviour, though I appreciate she most probably needs psychological support.

Just read this bit "My partner listens to her criticism and advice and then comes back to me and tells me like we should try what she says." That's bad! You need to speak to your DH and approach her together

This is giving me the hand that rocks the cradle vibes…. Don’t leave your child alone around her. She sounds unstable.

Your husband needs to step up and have a word with her and your m’n’law. If your m’n’law is responsible for the baby and she lets your s’n’law do as she pleases you have a problem.

Sorry but this is creepy as fuck. There is no way in hell I would leave either of my kids with her. She is unhinged. Be clear about your boundaries, say no and don't engage in giving reasons or justifications- you don't need to. I wouldn't be taking any advice from her and I would be creating as much distance as I could

I would distance yourself and baby from her to be honest. It’s not fair what she’s doing and not fair for your partner to be listening to her ‘Advice’. Be firm with your partner and MIL that until THEY address SIL behaviour on your behalf, you and the kids won’t be visiting. It’s freaky as F.

creepy and would make me never leave my kids alone with her.

This is a bit concerning Op. I wouldn't leave any of your children in her or MIL's care.

Tricky. How about

1. Hey SIL, I am thrilled you're as in love with our baby as we are, it's amazing. But last time I checked my csection scar/stretchmarks/episiotomy scar (better as more of an eewww factor) I'm the one who gave birth, so I think I will make the final decisions thanks.

Or

1. Thanks for the advice, I'll bear it in mind. By the way, what are you basing it on? Only my midwife/HV/paediatrician say this....They're the experts so....

Or

1. (When SIL ignores you & just talks to DH) Hey. I am here you know. Lady with the episiotomy scar. Mother of DS. Be nice if I voukx bevpartbof this conversation

You are not BU in any way. But she is.

Massive red flag that your 6YO doesn't want to spend time with her. 6 is old enough to be be somewhat rational about it but young enough to be judging her by her virtues. Listen to your child and don't leave him with her!

i would be telling her she is acting bat shit crazy because
1 baby's not hers
2 dont talk like im not there
3 go buy a reborn doll
4 i didn't ask, want or need your opinion so why do you think its ok to push it on us?

then if your mother-in-law isn't a problem (i would argue she is a bit as she's allowing her daughter to act this way in front of you) tell her very firmly she's coming to you from no one as sister-in-law is to unhinged for you and the children to be around and stick to it and quite frankly you don't trust her.

she sounds that unhinged i wouldn't put it past her to parade the baby off as hers once she outside

you also have a husband problem he should be telling her to mind her own

it gets right on my nerves when people on here say get your husband to say it as it's his family, no its your baby, you're the mother you don't need a man to come to your rescue you deal with things yourself (well i certainly do as im alpha type person)

OP wow that sounds like a difficult situation for you to navigate. It's an unfortunate set of circumstances but in reality they need to be addressed individually. You don't have to be a psychiatrist to see that SIL is in deep trouble mentally and should seek help however your priority is the wellbeing of you and your child. You cannot pour from an empty cup so in this sensitive scenario ît may be wise to 'grey rock' her so to speak therefore you put your mental health first.

Congratulations on the baby and hats off to you for humbly showing SIL so much compassion.

Gosh, that sounds very unhealthy. I would be making sure there were some firm boundaries in place there OP. Sounds like the poor woman has suffered some disappointments with her relationships. But your child(ren) are not hers to play make believe with. She is their aunt. Dressing your child in "her" clothes, taking them out in "her" pram and giving unwanted advice about feeding and weaning would all be overstepping those boundaries.
I hope she has some support, but you need to have some firm lines for your dc's sakes.

"NO", as in a whole sentence.
& "NO" also to your H
Tell him you now rearing your (pl) second child. She has no children & is not an authority. She is actually behaving very strangely. Deranged
Dont let her go anywhere alone with your baby.

She has a very, very unhealthy obsession with your baby. She must be told to back off. I’d be reluctant to even go round.
“she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs” Don’t tolerate this! He’s YOUR baby! He’s not hers, to “give” to you if she wants to! Stand your ground.
Of course you’re not overthinking it, what on earth!!

This is super super creepy.
L

Stop leaving your kids with her. Like seriously.

That really is a strong red flag that I would take serious notice of.

Love a fellow Scots way of speaking!

I agree.