Am I overreacting about my sil

[abi9396]

My sil is starting to really bother me but I don’t know if I’m thinking to much into it. We have a 6 week old son and a 6 year old son. We visited mil and sil last week and sil said to my partner that we need to wean baby a lot earlier this time as we made a mistake last time and didn’t wean our eldest early enough. She said it quite firmly to my partner and acted as if I wasn’t even there. Another day this week we had to leave our eldest withmil and sil happened to be home that day too so after we left i had a message of her asking if she could take that baby out but didn’t want to use his pram she wanted to use her own. She said if you don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m taking it as a yes and taking him out anyway. She keeps saying we’re using the wrong nappies they’re to cheap. Every time we visit mil and sil she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs. She’ll talk as if I’m not sat in the same room as them, saying the milk don’t come out of his bottles fast enough, she messaged me the other day to say I could come over and pick a photo of my baby to take home with me if I liked. She messages me all the time demanding a photo of the kids as she’s misses them constantly. Am I thinking to much into this. When my eldest was a baby I remember a comment she made about the baby grows I used to dress him in, she said she was sick of seeing him in the same colours.

Doesn't your oldest sons reaction tell you everything you need to know?! You don't need facts to protect your children, instinct is fine...

She doesn't sound well. Alarm bells would have sounded for me with your first, by what you have described. I wouldn't be letting them near her alone let alone leaving either..

Do not leave any of your children around this woman.

It’s extremely concerning….
Your 6 year old is very uncomfortable around her…. Listen to him.
Do not let her have the children alone ever again.
I’m sorry for her sadness but a room full of baby stuff and a pram and no baby is just creepy.
Visit for short periods only if you must, and be prepared to leave as soon as she starts any nonsense.
Personally, that level of creepy behaviour would make me want to go NC
Be very wary, and never ever leave your children alone in a room with her.

Your 6 year old is telling you something with this adamant refusal to be near her. Listen to him! And don't leave your baby with her. Ever.

What the heck is wrong with your partner/husband? Why is he allowing this to happen?

You are under-reacting.

Woman up. Every time she tries anything along the lines of "we weren’t weaning him early enough and needed to do it sooner", have a set response - "And what the fuck would you know about it, madam?"

"My partner listens to her criticism and advice and then comes back to me and tells me like we should try what she says."
Read him the Riot Act. Point out that his sister knows fuck all. You've had two children and she has none so why does he think she knows ANYTHING about raising children? Does MIL say anything when her daughter pulls these stunts?

Seriously. Her behaviour is well into the creepy overstepping range. These are YOUR children, not hers. I'm not sure I'd be visiting MIL at all, since SIL would always be there, I'd just invite MIL over to mine - SIL will probably tag along. You might find it easier to assert yourself on your own territory. She should find it harder to pull her crap for the same reason, but she sounds too far gone for that really.

Assert yourself. Every time. Don't do the polite not-making-waves keeping-the-peace doormat crap. Time to be momma bear!

🤣 Natty, I love your bluntness!

I would stay far away from her and keep your children away from her. She is obsessing over your children, treats you with disrespect, and acts like she’s your children’s mother. Do not leave your children with mil or sil. Very simple. Don’t be pressured into having relationship with either one of them. When you look back, you‘ll wonder how you could be so manipulated by them.

She doesn't have a baby of her own and very much wants one so she tries to be a "mum" vicariously, by hijacking yours. I can appreciate it's annoying but it's also sad, she's quite clearly going off the rails with frustrated motherhood. You and the MIL need to have a serious talk with her.

‘Fuck off’, to summarise what my response would be. Agree with pp, she sounds absolutely unhinged.

Sounds a lot like my mil! Everything I’m doing with my twins is wrong. But I’ve started defending myself now.

To be honest I would be worried about what she does with your baby once you have left. I have a strong feeling she probably is trying to be your babies mum and trying to bring it up her way and disrespect your views and ways.
I personally would stop taking baby around, if you need your mil, then see if she can come to yours or you pick her up. You should stop leaving your baby in the presence of your sil.

she sounds a bit scary I personally wouldn’t let her anywhere near my baby.

I wouldn’t leave either of the children with her (or MIL if she’s going the be around). She sounds unhinged. You need to get your husband on side though.

Ooh, that’s batshit territory. Limit all contact immediately. As she lives with MIL you need to find alternative childcare.

I admire your eldest. They can sense things better than us

Her behaviour is unreasonable. Sucks for her. But your baby. Your rules

Why is she being allowed ANY access to your children? She is odd and is disrespectful towards you.

Tell her that since she's so desperate to raise a child she should have her own instead of trying to take control of yours.

You are ultimately responsible for your two children and their health, happiness and safety. I would not leave either of them alone with your MiL or SiL. I would be very blunt with your SiL and lay the law down to her. It doesn't matter if her behaviour comes from not being able to have a child of her own. There is a reason why your oldest son doesn't want to be in your SiL's company and may not be able to articulate the reason to you.

She doesn't have a baby but has her own pram and gives parenting criticism.... cuckoo...

As she has given you her advice, it's surely fair to give her yours.

"SIL, I absolutely do NOT want you to put baby in your pram and this is why.

I'm really concerned about you seeming to develop a fantasy that he is your baby and you're his mother ".

Is she even a blood relative of your baby?

The fact that she has her own pram when she doesn’t have children is a huge red flag.

Please do not leave your children with her… you don’t know what she might be capable of…. She is far too emotionally involved and it’s not safe.

I take it she has no children herself. She needs to mind her own business. You need to tell her that you gave birth to YOUR CHILDREN not her. Your husband needs to speak up i know blood is thicker than water but she's thicker than wood.

I take it she lives with mil & doesn’t have children?
you need to sit Dh down & the all to him calmly & tell him all of this & and say it’s his sister he’s to deal with it immediately if he doesn’t from now on mil comes to you to see the children & she comes ALONE; sil sounds a bit unhinged to me; almost as though she’s trying to take control of your children who tge fuck is she to tell you what nappies/formula you are to use; as for not bringing baby to use to change nappy or for a feed; that’s bang out of order your his mummy your there to care for him not her. You need to stop this immediately or your in for some very serious trouble in the future; which could lead to problems for both children