Am I overreacting about my sil

[abi9396]

My sil is starting to really bother me but I don’t know if I’m thinking to much into it. We have a 6 week old son and a 6 year old son. We visited mil and sil last week and sil said to my partner that we need to wean baby a lot earlier this time as we made a mistake last time and didn’t wean our eldest early enough. She said it quite firmly to my partner and acted as if I wasn’t even there. Another day this week we had to leave our eldest withmil and sil happened to be home that day too so after we left i had a message of her asking if she could take that baby out but didn’t want to use his pram she wanted to use her own. She said if you don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m taking it as a yes and taking him out anyway. She keeps saying we’re using the wrong nappies they’re to cheap. Every time we visit mil and sil she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs. She’ll talk as if I’m not sat in the same room as them, saying the milk don’t come out of his bottles fast enough, she messaged me the other day to say I could come over and pick a photo of my baby to take home with me if I liked. She messages me all the time demanding a photo of the kids as she’s misses them constantly. Am I thinking to much into this. When my eldest was a baby I remember a comment she made about the baby grows I used to dress him in, she said she was sick of seeing him in the same colours.

Why are you letting her do this? she is a bully.

This is very sad but it's not your problem to deal with.

It's incredibly disturbing that your eldest refuses to be on his own with her!

My partner listens to her criticism and advice and then comes back to me and tells me like we should try what she says. But she’s never been a parent

Then your partner is a dick, & you need to deal with HIM, not your SiL.
If your partner had your back, you could present a united front to SiL. Grey Rock her suggestions, not allow her to have the baby unsupervised, let her know that YOU TWO are the parents & sole decision makers.

What have you said to him about his disloyalty & lack of support?

Every one we visit them baby is passed between mil and sil. If he needs a nappy change mil will pass him to sil who then tells me what to get out of his bag. I feel like I just don’t exist when we’re there. My partner is quite happy for them to take over though he says it’s his time off from baby duties when he’s over his mothers house. Every time my baby cries when we are there I go to see to him but mil quickly calls for sil telling her that “your nephew needs you, he’s crying”. My mil agrees with everything sil does

You feel like you don't exist every time you go to MiL's because ... every time you go to MiL's, you act as if you don't.
Why are you allowing them to set the agenda like this?
When MiL calls SiL over because the baby is crying, tell them he needs his mother & that YOU will be the one picking him up. Stop meekly passing his things to SiL when she orders you about, & tell her not to bother as YOU can change your own child's nappy.

I'm not entirely sure why you even bother visiting.
Your partner sounds unassertive - surely he can't make you go, if you don't want to?

Your partner sounds unassertive - surely he can't make you go, if you don't want to?

It can be amazing how many men who are meek and unassertive with their friends and families are mean bastards to their wives and children. What's the saying? "Street angel, house devil"?

Most def. something very wrong with your SIL. I wouldn't leave my baby with her unsupervised, she might abduct your child or "take him on a holiday" or such.

They sound creepy OP!

Avoid going there as much as possible

The crazy lady cant play dolls with your precious child

I agree with everyone else. She’s not well. This, however, isn’t your problem. Your partner needs to grow a pair and stand up to her but ultimately this is a very unhealthy situation and it sounds as though the entire family is dancing to her tune. I would stop letting her take your baby out, however unpopular that makes you, but suggest that your partner finds out about some counselling or support that she could access to help her deal with her heartbreak. Good luck.

Tell her to go fuck herself

I agree with this. I personally wouldn’t leave the baby with her or mil whilst she is around. Her behaviour is a little worrying.

She sounds utterly creepy, as does the mil for enabling it. There's something very wrong about it all in my mind! To actually buy her own pram! Creepy!😱

YANBU. I would be very concerned about her behaviour with your baby...and I would not want to leave my baby with her in the circumstances you describe. I think that she seems to be suffering from mental health problems linked to her not having and desperately wanting a child, and I think she needs counselling.

I think you need further discussion with your husband, with very specific concerns describing her behaviours rather than your concerns per se. He has to see that her behaviour really is not normal 

She needs to mind her own business and not try and monopolise the baby, and stop telling you what to do. Tell her to mind her own business. She sounds as if she has mental health problems.

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, comes to mind.

A room full of baby stuff and no baby of her own? It sounds like she has an unhealthy attachment to your children, she's alluding them almost being her own so she has some kind of influence in a child's life...because she's desperate.

Do not leave her alone with your children. She has disassociated with you being their Mother so she can take control.

Any update OP?

Yep. Listen to the child.

"Do not leave her alone with your children. She has disassociated with you being their Mother so she can take control."

Totally agree with this. Listen to your gut OP.

She's batshit bit you have a voice. Use it. So when she talks about weaning earlier ask what's her reasoning? Tell her the nhs advice or say you will do so when your baby is ready and no sooner. Do not use them for childcare, pay a babysitter, use a nursery but do not leave your kids there. I'm not sure I'd be too fussed about her changing the odd nappy but if you are you need to be proactive and go get your baby. Anytime she says stuff you disagree with in terms of your child's care shut her down. It will be hard and they will pushback because they aren't used to you answering back but honestly it's now or never. As for your partner, well I'd be asking the idiot why he thinks a woman who had no kids (presumably doesn't work with young children or has healthcare training) would know better in terms of your children's care than you do. I'm all for listening to different viewpoints and taking them on board but it doesn't seem like she presents things like that?

Use it. So when she talks about weaning earlier ask what's her reasoning? Tell her the nhs advice or say you will do so when your baby is ready and no sooner

I agree about the voice, but I'd not go into explaining my reasoning. A simple 'I appreciate that's your opinion sil, however x is my baby and I'll raise him/her as I see fit' then change the subject.