Am I overreacting about my sil

[abi9396]

My sil is starting to really bother me but I don’t know if I’m thinking to much into it. We have a 6 week old son and a 6 year old son. We visited mil and sil last week and sil said to my partner that we need to wean baby a lot earlier this time as we made a mistake last time and didn’t wean our eldest early enough. She said it quite firmly to my partner and acted as if I wasn’t even there. Another day this week we had to leave our eldest withmil and sil happened to be home that day too so after we left i had a message of her asking if she could take that baby out but didn’t want to use his pram she wanted to use her own. She said if you don’t reply within 10 minutes I’m taking it as a yes and taking him out anyway. She keeps saying we’re using the wrong nappies they’re to cheap. Every time we visit mil and sil she avoids giving me the baby if he needs a feed or nappy change at all costs. She’ll talk as if I’m not sat in the same room as them, saying the milk don’t come out of his bottles fast enough, she messaged me the other day to say I could come over and pick a photo of my baby to take home with me if I liked. She messages me all the time demanding a photo of the kids as she’s misses them constantly. Am I thinking to much into this. When my eldest was a baby I remember a comment she made about the baby grows I used to dress him in, she said she was sick of seeing him in the same colours.

How exhausting. Tricky as she lives with Mil, but, you & hubby need to challenge her together. Good luck. Does your 6 yr old like her?

Does she have special needs? She's behaving in a very strange way. I would avoid taking the child there, tbh.

Why do you need internet strangers to tell you how wrong this is?! Stand up for yourself and children. Don't wait for your wet blanket partner to. Most never will coz 'anything for an easy life'. I would only be allowing sil to have supervised time with either child and I'd be stating very firmly that I'll wean baby when I'm good and ready. Just ooi why is sil of the opinion you weaned too late last time? (not that her opinion is worth shit though)

It’s very sad that she’s so desperate for a
DC and it hasn’t happened yet.

She must be 100% out in her place though that your baby is YOUR baby, that her parenting advice is unwarranted and that is she goes against your wishes in any way you’ll reduce contact or completely remove unsupervised contact.

Your DH needs to get his head out his arse to be honest and understand how important this is. Does he defer to her generally within the dynamics of the family? Does everyone tiptoe around her pushiness due to her circumstances and lack of her own DC?

Either it can be easily solved by getting him to understand you won’t stand for his deference to her if it’s “for a quiet life” or it’ll be a more difficult job if you do have a genuine DH problem.

A sensitive but firm chat between SIL and your partner is required here.

She needs to back off and stop telling an experienced mother what to do. Even if she did have her own, everyone parents differently and that should be respected.

My ILs are generally very lovely but on the odd occasion that one of them has started to be a bit bossy, I've batted that message straight to DH to ring them and not involve me.

I agree with this. And I wouldn't be surprised if she tells people when she's out and about with him that the baby is hers...

OP's DH is also a concern, though, for thinking his sister knows more than you do about your own baby. I'd be pulling him up sharply on this.

Just say no. Any other words are just fluff.

Acting as though you aren't there is very worrying. Did you get on before you had children? Does your 6 year old like spending time with her? Is she still interested in your DC1? Be kind but be even firmer. Be firm with your partner too. Are they all walking on egg shells, be a use in reality they know she's a bit unhinged? Is she past the age of having a baby? Don't pander to her, ever, if she steps over the line you choose to draw.

She...she doesn't have kids but has "her own pram"?!

Yeah I wouldn't be allowing her anywhere near my children. I really don't think she sounds well at all and I wouldn't trust her.

I'd also tell her to shut the f*ck up talking about choices for our kids, but that's just me. What a weirdo.

You said leaving the 6 year old with your Mil not the baby as well? I wouldn’t be leaving the baby with anyone yet let alone those two nutjobs! Keep baby away from her she’s in need of help dealing with her own issues and should not be around baby

The only solution to this, is not taking your baby over there as much.

Your SILs behaviour would piss me off too.

My ex did this with the taking advice off his sister and then telling me we should be doing those things.

I told him nicely it wasn't on. I told him a bit more firmly I didn't want him presenting her opinions as if she had a say. Neither of those worked so I eventually told him if he wanted to make parenting decisions with his sister, he could fuck her and make a baby for them to do with what they wanted. In the meantime, this was my child that he made with me and if he wanted to stay parenting in a family unit with me and sleeping in the same bed as me every night he could damn well remember who he was married to. Clue: it isn't your sister. He pretended to be mortified but I am the kind of person I'll say it nicely but clearly, twice, then if you ignore I am less nice. So he couldn't really argue because he had had 2 chances to nip it.

Agree with this -she sounds like a nut job. Leave well alone , your baby is the priority here not your deluded sister in law.

Agree with PP's it sounds like she's pretending your baby is hers when she has them. Me? I would avoid their home like the plague and when they eventually said something I would tell her I don't feel comfortable going round anymore with her insane comments and requests and you will continue to stay away until she realises the children are yours and acts accordingly! I would actually just go no contact but I know this is probably the rare thing to do but it would be better for my sanity and that comes first.

I agree with everyone else, your SIL sounds unstable and controlling. It sounds to me like she’s undermining you to make herself feel better about the fact she hasn’t had children. It seems like she’s trying to pass some of her own hurt onto you by making you feel like you are somehow failing (you aren’t). You need to either distance yourself from them, tell her to mind her own business, or preferably both.

@abi9396

Is she correct in here perspectives ?

@abi9396 @escapingthecity I also wondered this. The fact she wanted 'use her own pram' to take the baby out reminds me way to much of The hand that ricks the Cradle. She sounds like a proper weirdo!

She sounds like she has some issues - you should explain that to your partner and tell that you won’t be taking her advice. I might be sympathetic with her not be able to have children of her own but she is basically being very rude.

That is batshit crazy and she needs help. She is still mourning not having a baby and is trying to relive it through your baby.

my 6 year old refuses to go anywhere with her, every time she has asked him if he wants to go out with her or her pick him up and take him over mil’s instead of us taking him he gets upset and is adamant he doesn’t want to.

How old is she?
What's your DP and MILs opinion on it?

Your 6 yr old can see right through her, now it's time his parents do. God knows what she's doing to make him feel uncomfortable. Had a feeling you'd say that. See that's what would motivate me to cut all ties from her. Difficult yes but I think you know what needs to be done. Again be strong, you can do this.

it sounds like she’s had a hard time with her ex and not having her own child-maybe it’s too hard to suggest it but I’m sure she’d benefit from some counselling around this.

she’s a nutter. Tell her to fuck off. Then fuck off some more.