To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

Well personally I think you are unreasonable on all sorts of levels but she's your kid so your choice.

It’s not an argument I would have had with my parents.
They needed to drive my DC around and at 3.5 I would have been fine with them in the back FF.

@Untitledsquatboulder I'm not saying they can't see her at all. Simply that they can't take her out in the car if they can't respect my wishes in regards to her safety.

you're being a bit over the top but your child your rules. Don't come whining to everyone when they don't want to see her as much though

If she gets car sick RF then I'd be minimising car journeys tbh. Nausea is horrendous

If you want to be fighting with your parents over this then carry on. Seems a shame.
Do you insist other parents also do RF when transporting her?

@Sparklingbrook but I wouldn't be okay with it. RF is safer, I know this and they know this. There wouldn't be an argument if they simply didn't keep mentioning FF her when they know my wishes. Other parents choose to FF at this age which is fine, but I don't wish to.

So you need to continue arguing about it in that case. No other option. 🤷‍♀️

You're being OTT, but as a PP says she's your kid so your rules apply. What does her father say?

@Sparklingbrook yes I do actually. We don't go out in the car much anyway due to her car sickness but sometimes it's unavoidable. Again, if other parents choose to FF their own children that's fine and none of my business.

It’s literally a case of your kid, your rules

Unfortunately RF as opposed to FF make a difference to motion sickness. Your child, your rules but....

Way OTT in my opinion but as previous posters have said, your child, your choice.
However I would do anything to alleviate being car sick for the poor child; that’s miserable and really unfair if there is an easy solution

@OliveKitten He thinks that it's our child and our rules so my parents should respect it. As do I.

I am one of the biggest advocates of RF, but at 3.5 if she gets car sick RF then I would try her FF tbh. You say it's safer RF but I'm not sure her vomitting on her own in the back is massively "safe", and indeed distracting for the driver presumably. Some things are more nuanced than "this is the right way to do it".

I wouldn't be letting your parents dictate anything though.

Absolutely ridiculous, over the top nonsense. You would rather the child be car sick? Give me strength.

Again, if other parents choose to FF their own children that's fine and none of my business.

But other parents transporting your child. How will that work?
By 3.5 mine were regularly travelling to and from friends houses driven by other parents.

Your child so its up to you but personally I think it's OTT.

My thoughts exactly.

The child is nearly 4 for gods sake.

My DC has been FF while with in laws since 18 months as you can’t fit anyone comfortably in the passenger front in their car while the car seat is RF. they only do local journeys on slower roads so risk is minimal. When they did a longer motorway journey I asked if they could RF DC which they did and MIL sat in the back.

still RF in our cars as DC has no issue with it. I think at that age with sickness being a factor I’d definitely see if FF helps. If your DC was younger I’d understand more.

I 100% agree. There is no point in rf if you are then going to allow ff from time to time and risk her safety.
thats like only wearing a seatbelt on most of your journeys but not all. I hate the -well it never did you any harm -argument.
rather than an anecdote of one maybe read up on actual facts and research.
Stick to your guns because if anything did happen you’d never forgive yourself.

If she's allowed to FF with grandparents she will kick off when you put her RF. She's your child and yanbu. You've not said they can't see her just that they have to do this one thing your way, it's their choice if it's so important to them they would choose not to see her.

I don't think anyone other than me and DH had driven DC around when they were 3! Is that very unusual?

And didn't you give them your car seat? Presumably these friends didn't have a load of spare car seats sitting about? In which case if it had been a RF one, they'd have used that?

Have the people saying the OP is being OTT done any research themselves into the safety of RF vs FF? Comparison videos of crash test dummies and whatnot? RF is SO much safer and I think a lot of people don't realise this.

if they’re get seriously car sick I think the risks of them vomiting and choking could be much more immediate than FF… but your child…