To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

(And I say that even though mine weren't RF at that age)

You're making your 3.5yr old kid RF even though it makes her sick? That's nuts.

At 3.5 this would not something I’d be choosing to kick up such a fuss about. It feels rather OTT
How often would she be travelling with them? Do they have their own car seat or would they borrow yours? Does this insistence on RF involve them purchasing a very expensive new seat?

But at the end of the day she’s your child so you get to choose.

You are being totally unreasonable, causing you DD's sickness to be worse and causing a rift with your parents.

Absolutely your child your rules and you get to insist they are followed, but you also get to live with the results.

Your poor child! Being car sick is horrific. Yes I'm sure YOU would rather her feel that way to be marginally more safe in the unlikely event of an accident. Those that care about children not feeling like death would FF.

You seem like you've decided a bunch of rules and are way too stubborn to treat your child as an individual and admit maybe she has different needs than what you've decided.

I'm hoping this is a reverse.

As others have said, your child your rules. However you're being unreasonable, let your child sit forward for christ sakes

No YANBU.

We only stopped RF at 3.5 as ds outgrew his car seat and we bought the next stage. He was also travel sick which mostly could be managed by not eating within an hour of travelling, keeping him cool and also looking out the window (rather than playing etc).
He was still travel sick facing forwards. It's lessened now as he grows.

I'm with you on this, ask them to google internal decapitation

I don't think you are being unreasonable. She is your child and you make the choices regarding her safety. I had the same conversation many times with my family. It is still safer for a 3.5 year old to rear face mine rf until 4 when I put her in a booster cause she had outgrown her 18kg car seat. If you have a car seat that goes all the way to 25kg why wouldnt you use it.

Agree

YANBU Honestly, I completely understand how you feel @IdiotSandwich05 . I have the same argument with my 2 year old’s dad. He wants to put her in a forward facing seat so that she can see out the window. We both have adult children who we used to put in forward facing car seats. But the advice about safety has changed and if you know better, you do better! That’s my argument.

If you can do something to increase the chances that your child will survive an accident, why on Earth would you not do it?

Of course there is a point "wearing a seatbelt on some of your journeys but not all". If you don't wear one at all then you're guaranteed to not be wearing it if you crash. If you wear one 50 percent of the time you've got a 50 percent chance that you're wearing it when you crash.

I agree DC should be RF at 3.5 and that it's fuck all to do with her parents, but there is not "no point" doing it the 95 percent of the time someone other than the OP's parents is driving.

In the event of a crash, I would rather she was RF as it is demonstrably safer. If that meant she was sick, well yes I'd rather that but she was less likely to be seriously injured or killed if there was a crash. I get travel sickness too so I appreciate it's unpleasant but if we did crash I would never forgive myself if she was FF when RF is undeniably and demonstrably safer. We don't go out in the car much due to said sickness but sometimes it's unavoidable.

Yes. I was going to say the same thing. FF really might make a huge Difference. Your parents are not going to put their grandchild in danger.

What ridiculous responses you have had so far! Some people get very defensive over their right to make a less safe choice for their child.
my child however will rear face in all vehicles (mine, grandparents and the car he travels in with nursery) I have bought rf seats for all those vehicles and would hit the roof if any other was used.
My child my rules. I can’t see any gain for them in this other than some weird control issue.

Mine were at preschool at 3.5 and regularly got picked up by their friends parents, went back to their house to play and delivered home later.
In Reception it was at least a weekly occurrence after school.
Car seats were always used we just left them at the preschool. However mine were FF by this stage anyway.

I think that you are creating a massive issue out of this.

Based on the small risk that your child could be in a serious car accident whilst in the care of your parents, you are willing to seriously damage your relationship with them. You are willing for your child to regularly feel car sick, which I could argue is distracting for the driver, increasing the likelihood of an accident.

Yeah then Google "shark attacks" and never let them swim in the sea. Or "torn apart by pitbulls" and never ever take them to the park.

Can't be too careful.

Ffs she is 3

Your kid your rules but tbh i think youre being over the top and a bit unfair to your daughter to not try FF at that age if she gets bad car sickness.

FF vs RF makes a massive difference for some children with that and being car sick is completely miserable. If it doesn't help your daughter you can always put her back in the RF seat.

What a stupid comment. Car accidents are far more likely to happen than shark attacks. Sadly, car accidents are not rare.

Ah that makes sense, we did have playdates in nursery/reception (not anywhere near weekly it must be said!) but we live in an area where almost all DC walk to school and there wouldn't be a drive home!

This. Poor kiddy being carsick.

Aren't their legs really cramped up being RF at 3.5 or did I just have very tall children?

This.