To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

Most of us absolutely do realise this but it's not fair, kind, or practical to make a child sick when there's a clear alternative.

Yes and how likely is internal decapitation? Come on now. Getting bent out of shape about low probability risks is not rational.

@Xaviera yes but internal decapitation is not. Do the math. OPS dd is far more likely to be mauled by a strangers dog.

Yanbu at all! A lot of people don’t seem to understand just how much safer RF is (as is clear by some of the responses on this thread). And this whole ‘in our day we didnt even have car seats (etc) and survived’ well yes because you were lucky! If we know something is considerably safer for our dc, why not do it.

Exactly!!

I also wonder this.

Does FF make a huge difference in terms of car sickness? I never knew that!

@namechange3394
Eh?????? think you need to re-read my post again

Our of interest, when she goes on school trips next year at the age of 4, on a coach without a car seat, will you allow her to go? Or will you provide her RF car seat and only allow her to go if they sit her in it?
Will she be allowed to go on holidays in the future? Public transport?

It’s much safer for anyone to sit in a car rear facing. But obviously if you’re driving the car that’s impossible.

Agree.

I assume they have to cross them.

The risk of her choking on her own vomit is likely higher than anything happening as a result of the way she's facing in the event of an accident.

@Xaviera when you think of all the children travelling in cars right at this very moment, compared to how frequently they are involved in serious accidents (not prangs or shunts) then it's not so very common, thankfully.

I would not be risking my relationship with my parents, or my daughter's relationship with her grandparents over it. There is risk everywhere.

Completely agree with Lastqueen . The distraction of having a child potentially being sick and aspirating and also not being able to actually see them is a far higher risk IMHO .
I personally cannot even go on a train ,rear facing without feeling sick and disoriented.

Think its to do with being able to see out the windows My puppy was really carsick but once he grew enough to see out the window it stopped

You know what's safer for your child and you wish to do it. If they don't want to rf then she can't go in their car. Simple as that. I don't see how child safety is being ott

@Xaviera is that how you travel as a front passenger then?

I’m a DGM and when we have the DGCs (5 and 2) we use the car seats from their father’s car, which happen to be FF. As the GPs we wouldn’t make an issue out of it either way, we stick to the decisions that DS and DDiL make for their own children.

YANBU at all. Stand your ground, luckily my parents and anyone who drives my child are fully on board with my choices, which are that they remain rearward facing until they have outgrown their 25kg seat. My child is 5 and has no problem with this, even when her friends are in the car and facing forwards.

It would be perfectly possible for everyone except the driver though and yet we don't do it. Why? Perhaps because constant nausea and vomiting are more than a minor inconvenience- oh except for small children of course.

I still get travel sickness despite sitting forward. I appreciate it is unpleasant but there are other ways to alleviate travel sickness than reducing her level of safety. If I had to choose between her being sick but less likely to be killed in a car accident, or not being sick but less likely to die, well, it's a no brainer to me.

Whether you are being unreasonable or not is a moot point because you are totally entrenched in the fact that rear facing is safer and the only option.

Realistically, at almost 4, her travel sickness is severe and could be alleviated by switching her round. Perhaps your parents are worried about the risk of her choking on vomit and not being able to see her when rear facing.

Rather than getting irritated with your parents, perhaps consider why they keep saying it rather than asking here.

Ask yourself if this is the hill you're prepared to die on. For the amount of times they take her in the car, is it that big a risk?

I agree. Mine were RF until about eight, we had been in Sweden and there children are RF for much longer. So we had Swedish car seats designed for tall Swedes, and my dds were very light so fitted them for years.
Rear facing seats are safer, so if you have one then your DPs should use it !

Sorry, more likely.