Should MIL be charging her GC for staying with her?

[LifeIsGreatForUnicorns]

Background - DS got offered an apprenticeship in a different town to where we live (2 hours away by train)
As we was staying all week and most weekends an agreement was made he would pay her £400 a month.
After about 6 months, his company changed how they wanted him to work so he was wfh more (he wasn't enjoying living at MIL's as he didn't know anyone, etc) so he reverted to doing approx 2 days a week there and the rest of the time here at home
We changed the payments to £200 to me and £200 to her. Over the last 3 months, he has stayed there only 3 times and as he spends the majority of time at home, I suggested I get the money instead.
FI - when he stays at MIL in the last 3 months, she doesn't cook for him (he buys his own food) & he brings his washing home- whereas at home, he generally eats with us, his washing goes in, etc

He has had to go to up for a couple of nights this week and next (he will probably not then go for a couple of weeks and then may stay 1 or 2 nights only)

MIL has said that if he stays in future he needs to pay £25 a night to stay (no food being offered still!)

For context - she is a single pensioner on her own. There is no mortgage on her house. Last year she stayed with us for 3 months whilst having work completed on her house which we funded and took out a large amount added to our current mortgage which she now pays the interest only on (approx £125 pm) never clearing the capital as her house was in a terrible state with no proper heating and electricity upstairs etc. We did not charge her for staying with us and she made no contribution whilst here (as in she never even paid for a takeaway one night!)

AIBU to think she shouldn't charge DS when he stays occasionally?

YABU - of course she should charge and he should pay
YANBU - he's her GS so should stay free (but maybe it would be nice to get her something sometimes)

The cheeky cow! Bill her for £25 a night when she stayed and ask when she’s clearing her loan?

YANBU after reading that you’ve paid for her house to be renovated and she contributed nothing in 3 months. After reading that, she’s very cheeky!

I imagine she’s short of money from what you’ve said about her house and £400 a month probably made a huge difference. That then went down and now it’s reducing even more. I certainly wouldn’t ever charge a member of my family to sleep in my house but I can see how she might have arrived at this point.

If your DS refused to pay he’d have to pay to stay elsewhere presumably? So while it seems very mean I think he has to suck it up.

I'd rather get an air bnb than pay her. She's outrageous. But why did you fund her house? Weird.

Definitely not!! Have you mentioned all of this to her? I think she's being very cheeky!

Well it's her house and her choice but it's not one I can imagine most grandmothers making.

I think it’s fair for her to charge him whatever she wants. If she’s a pensioner she may really notice having one more person in the house too if her budget is very tight. what I don’t quite get though is why you think you have a say in this as it’s really her business and nothing to do with you, its very overstepping to get involved in how she runs her house and manages her finances. Just like what he pays you is between you and him.

I wouldn't charge but now she's set the tone your DS has to decide whether to go along with it or find somewhere else
He can't just say I'm staying and not giving you any money
Odd behaviour from her though

If she shouldn't be charging neither should you.
Double standards there I think

So she stays for 3 months with you and pays nothing, but wants her grandson to pay £25 per night? That is pretty outrageous actually - have you asked her WHY she wants to be paid so much? And why this would be fair given how you have helped her?

The £125 interest per month that she is paying on the mortgage could be leaving her short if she only has a small pension

What does your husband say? It's him really who should sort as it's his mum.
Personally I think she's being mean in general, but especially after everything you've done for her, but she may be seeing it at a different angle which you may not know unless your husband asks perhaps

Assuming he could be staying 4 nights a week if he was there with her full time. Monday - Thursday.
That's 16 nights a month which works out at £25 per night if paying £400 for the month

Why do you think you should get the money for when he stays there?

I find some approaches to charging in families bizarre. Not saying right or wrong - just different. Appreciate that doesn't help you, but my question is whether all these negotiations impact on your son's relationships with your MIL and with you?

Are you also charging your son £400 a month to live at home? Just curious as I know when I was a apprentice I didn't get paid more than 1200

Is she short of money? Or just really tight? Cause this might make a difference what responses you're going to get.

FWIW, generally I wouldn't expect to charge for overnight stays, but I think you should pay towards her bills if your DS stays there, depending on how often that is you should agree a figure, say £20pcm. What she's expecting is too much but I do wonder what her real reason for this is considering everything you've said so far.

Background on the house is that it is tied up in a trust for my DH (from his Grandad) MIL has never lived anywhere else and when Grandad died - it was tied up so she can live in it for life but if she was to sell it, then any proceeds are to go to DH.
MIL has never had a long term relationship (she had DH out of wedlock) and has only ever worked p/t as she's never had to pay rent as the house was already paid for.
She was diagnosed with a mild heart condition late 2020 and there was concern that if she went into hospital that she wouldn't be able to return to her house as there was no functioning electricity upstairs (she had lights but no plugs) and she couldn't use the bathroom as there was only a bath that she couldn't get in and out - she has never (in the 25 years i have known her) ever done any maintenance work on the house - except for new DG in 2007.
As ultimately, the house will be DH on death, we paid for the improvements as an investment as she did not want to move to live with us if her health failed and didn't want to go into a care home.

At this point, we did not know that DS was going to get his apprenticeship in this town as he was still doing his A-Levels!
There is no other family.

The fact that you allowed her to stay with you for 3 months for free and funded her renovations has nothing at all to do with your son staying with her now.
Presumably all parties agreed to funding her at the time and unless an agreement was made at that point that in return she would host your DS for free then you must separate the two things as they are in no way linked.
Equally, you cannot hold it over her that you hosted her free of charge and funded the renovations. Again, I assume you were in agreement with that setup at the time so it’s not fair to begrudge her it now.

As for the issue of DS paying her rent - it has nothing to do with you. Whilst I personally wouldn’t change family for staying on what appears to be a really ad hoc basis, she is well within her rights to do so. Equally, DS is well within his rights to say it doesn’t suit and find alternative accommodation.

You need to leave MIL and DS to sort it out themselves, it has nothing to do with you!

Send her an invoice for the 3 months she stayed with you and remove £25 for each night DS stays there from now on.
After all if it's worth £25 a night to sleep at a different home, then she owes you money and you owe her less money, so what DS owes should just go to pay down what she owes you.

And yes, are you charging your son when he's doing an apprenticeship? £400pcm on his apprentice wage is a lot of money as well, I am a bit shocked tbh. Then you seem to complain about MIL who is a single pensioner doing the same 🤷🏼‍♀️

Cheeky mare! Especially as she didn't pay her way when she stayed with you!

And a single pensioner who probably gets very little income

Have you noticed the cost of everything has gone up

I think as its her house its up to her what she charges but I don't think given everything said in the post that she should. Equally I think its is up to your son where he chooses to stay - tbh I think if I was him I would inclined to find somewhere else since it would give greater freedom.

None of this sounds great, to be honest. If you'd agreed to give her £400 a month, she presumably made plans on that basis and now you've changed the arrangement. I also think expecting her to have your son to stay whenever he fancies but with no set pattern is quite a lot to ask, especially as it sounds as if he's treating her place as a hotel (ie not spending time with her as a guest but literally just using her home and leaving).

You paying for the works on her house is quite odd. Is the idea that you'll inherit it and so get the value back that way and meanwhile she's paying the interest?

If it was me, I wouldn't be charging my son to stay anywhere but I would expect him to be a thoughtful and engaged guest. If he just wants a room whenever he fancies and doesn't want to interact, he should stay in a Travelodge.

Just so I'm clear, it's OK for you to charge your son but it's not OK for his grandmother to do the same?