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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

These texts show he's cheating on me. Don't they?

229 replies

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:36

I was on mine and my boyfriends iPad closing down some apps, in the process I've come across some texts between my boyfriend of 18 months and a woman dated last week. It appears he gave his number to this woman on a night out. It was a night where he was meant to come home, but he told me that he got drunk with some friends and didn't make the train.

In the text messages (at 11.30 at night) he asks where she is and she tells him she's in a bar. He tells her he doesn't believe she's in a bar and she texts him saying, 'I am. Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' He then responds, 'You're a saint.'
They then exchange several messages where he is trying to find the bar she is in. He can't find her so eventually gets a taxi to his friends house. She then texts him in the morning saying 'You wanted to stay out ;)' and he responds that 'I know I did! You were hiding from me telling me the wrong bar.'
Then the following day he text her asking how she is, and she replies she has covid, and he takes a test and tells her he is negative. Then the last text he says, 'Let me know when you are back in (our home town) and want to get covid, I'll take you out.' with a kissing face emoji on the end.

Typing all this out. Fuck. I don't know what to do. There isn't an innocent explanation is there. Do I confront him when he is home later? I want to call the woman and find out what actually happened.

OP posts:
RandomMusings7 · 25/10/2022 15:38

100% cheating. Do you even have to ask?!

badassbaby · 25/10/2022 15:38

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:36

I was on mine and my boyfriends iPad closing down some apps, in the process I've come across some texts between my boyfriend of 18 months and a woman dated last week. It appears he gave his number to this woman on a night out. It was a night where he was meant to come home, but he told me that he got drunk with some friends and didn't make the train.

In the text messages (at 11.30 at night) he asks where she is and she tells him she's in a bar. He tells her he doesn't believe she's in a bar and she texts him saying, 'I am. Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' He then responds, 'You're a saint.'
They then exchange several messages where he is trying to find the bar she is in. He can't find her so eventually gets a taxi to his friends house. She then texts him in the morning saying 'You wanted to stay out ;)' and he responds that 'I know I did! You were hiding from me telling me the wrong bar.'
Then the following day he text her asking how she is, and she replies she has covid, and he takes a test and tells her he is negative. Then the last text he says, 'Let me know when you are back in (our home town) and want to get covid, I'll take you out.' with a kissing face emoji on the end.

Typing all this out. Fuck. I don't know what to do. There isn't an innocent explanation is there. Do I confront him when he is home later? I want to call the woman and find out what actually happened.

Yep he's definitely wanting to cheat even though it doesn't seem like he was successful...this time.
What a cunt. I'm so so sorry you must be devastated 😞

Nap1983 · 25/10/2022 15:38

Sounds like has was trying hard to cheat but actually never…. The intents there though.

RandomMusings7 · 25/10/2022 15:39

The only reason he didn't sleep with her is because she wouldn't have him. Intent is all that matters. But get an sti check. There might be others we was successful with...

ChunkyThighs24 · 25/10/2022 15:39

I don't think you need to call her, but ditch him. What a pig. You will never trust him again even if he grovels & somehow gets you to forgive him this time.

Big hugs OP ❤️

LeningradSymphony · 25/10/2022 15:40

Yeurgggh. What a sleazeball.

No need to call this woman, you already know. If you don't dump him over this then you're signing up for more cheating to come.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2022 15:40

If he didn't manage it it's only because another woman didn't want him.

He will succeed at some point, if he hasn't already.

Dump.

Adca · 25/10/2022 15:40

Definitely cheating. End things as quickly as you can and don't look back. Better things await.

WildFlowerBees · 25/10/2022 15:41

Dump, ignore the excuses and the attempts to make it your fault. Ditch, block and take some time for yourself. Flowers

dudsville · 25/10/2022 15:43

How do you not know what to do? I'm sorry, i hear how mean my question sounds and i don't mean it that way, but you don't even need to confront him. You actually have all the information you need here.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 25/10/2022 15:44

Sorry OP he was intending to cheat. The woman was actively shaking him off so no need to contact her.

Nagado · 25/10/2022 15:44

Don’t call her; you’ll never know for sure if she’s being truthful or not. What you do know for sure is that he’s not been truthful or honest. Even if he didn’t sleep with her, he’s clearly made it clear to her that he wants to, as she’s said she’s not letting him. Only you can decide whether that means he would cheat again if he had the chance. But I’d bet my pension that he would.

Themadcatparade · 25/10/2022 15:45

Yes your boyfriend is a cheat OP. I’m so sorry, what a shock for you. Please pluck up the courage to leave and don’t let him gaslight you in to thinking the situation is otherwise!

Lavender1029 · 25/10/2022 15:46

I think you know the answer to your question but it might feel unbelievable to you at the moment as it hasn’t sunk in. It appears he was trying to cheat even if he didn’t succeed and it sounds like he’s trying to plan another opportunity in order try again. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

Gistbury · 25/10/2022 15:47

I'm sorry he let you down but you have dodged a massive bullet...finding out 10 years down the road after marriage and children etc is so much harder to cope with. You will meet a great guy I'm sure

hugefanofcheese · 25/10/2022 15:47

Sorry OP. The intention was and still is there this time even if they didn't sleep together that night. Please don't accept any explanations. If you do, you're just waiting around for it to happen again.

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:48

I've had shit, abusive boyfriends in the past. I never would have thought this of him. I'm completely blind sided.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2022 15:48

You've been forewarned, don't be daft enough to stay with this sleaze. He absolutely would have had sex with that woman if she gave him a chance. Fuck knows how many times he's cheated, because I doubt this was the first.

Prinnny · 25/10/2022 15:48

Sounds like they’ve had a neck on, swapped numbers and he’s wanted more, hence the repeat texts.

To me it’s cheating, some may forgive, depends if you can or want to.

What’s your situation, house, kids etc?

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:51

We live together and have children from previous relationships who have all met and like each other very much. We've got plans going all the way to next year involving our children. Forget me, I just don't understand why you'd do this to your kids.

OP posts:
Unseelie · 25/10/2022 15:51

I’m sorry OP. It isn’t clear if he’s slept with her but it is clear he’s been trying to, and that he lied to you about missing his train when actually he was crawling round bars trying and failing to find this woman.

It actually looks like she was trying to avoid him on that night, especially when she says she has covid. Is weird but there is no innocent explanation.

At least you found out before you had kids with him etc.

If you can face calling her, do, to find out the truth.

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:52

I want to call her to find out the exact details as it's very clear he is not the man I believed him to be and won't tell the truth. Even if nothing physical happens, the texts alone are enough for me to tell him to fuck off.

OP posts:
Sunflower987 · 25/10/2022 15:54

Yes I would tell him to fuck off too.
He's a total fake.
You can do better.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 25/10/2022 15:54

I wouldn't torment yourself @Prora you have the texts.

dreammattemousse · 25/10/2022 15:55

You don't need to ring her
You just need to leave the bastard