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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

These texts show he's cheating on me. Don't they?

229 replies

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:36

I was on mine and my boyfriends iPad closing down some apps, in the process I've come across some texts between my boyfriend of 18 months and a woman dated last week. It appears he gave his number to this woman on a night out. It was a night where he was meant to come home, but he told me that he got drunk with some friends and didn't make the train.

In the text messages (at 11.30 at night) he asks where she is and she tells him she's in a bar. He tells her he doesn't believe she's in a bar and she texts him saying, 'I am. Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' He then responds, 'You're a saint.'
They then exchange several messages where he is trying to find the bar she is in. He can't find her so eventually gets a taxi to his friends house. She then texts him in the morning saying 'You wanted to stay out ;)' and he responds that 'I know I did! You were hiding from me telling me the wrong bar.'
Then the following day he text her asking how she is, and she replies she has covid, and he takes a test and tells her he is negative. Then the last text he says, 'Let me know when you are back in (our home town) and want to get covid, I'll take you out.' with a kissing face emoji on the end.

Typing all this out. Fuck. I don't know what to do. There isn't an innocent explanation is there. Do I confront him when he is home later? I want to call the woman and find out what actually happened.

OP posts:
EatenDorky · 26/10/2022 09:27

OP I’m so sorry you’ve been blindsided by this fake arsehole. It could happen to any of us. I hope you have supportive people around you and can tune in to your awesome strength when needed but also to your pain and vulnerability when you get the chance too. 18 months is not too long a time to waste on somebody, it’s a blip- an awful one and I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling for your kids, but it could’ve been worse in terms of years lost. The kids will get over it and so will you, go easy on yourself, big hugs.

stayathomegardener · 26/10/2022 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Report it then.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 26/10/2022 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Going to do my best Brenda impression "oh no. What, another one?"

Hope not, can't take two in one morning...

Vikinga · 26/10/2022 10:45

Ewww what a sleaze

Cw112 · 26/10/2022 10:49

You leave. That's what you do. Even if nothing has actual physically happened (although I'd doubt it) he's still been emotionally unfaithful to you and so disrespectful. Walk away now he's not trustworthy and to be honest op I'd be getting an sti check up done just to be on the safe side. No need to ring her it's all there in black and white but she might not know you exist so I'd be tempted to ring her so she knows he's been playing you both for mugs. He's horrible and you deserve so much better than that.

Prora · 26/10/2022 10:53

I wish it was a work of fiction. I've taken the day off work and have been sleeping.

We're in the process of buying together, so I still have my property, which is where I am now.

He's trying every means to contact me and try to get me to agree to meet him, but I have nothing to say to him.

OP posts:
Prora · 26/10/2022 10:55

I messaged one of the women who he'd been sexting to (the one where I was being mentioned as part of it, makes me feel sick) and she at least had the decency to apologise straight away and admit it was very wrong, instead of him trying to bullshit and somehow justify it.

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 26/10/2022 11:02

Hopefully you can pull out of the house purchase without too many financial penalties.

AlternativelyWired · 26/10/2022 11:09

What's going to happen to his dc if you chuck him out or do they live with their mum? I'm confused as to how you can block someone you live with.

Blueink · 26/10/2022 11:30

The messages seem like they make for pretty distressing viewing (creepy about another woman coming over). I’m surprised you are glad you looked at them (I wouldn’t have wanted to), but glad you don’t regret it and if it was what was needed to help you find the strength to move on, worth it. Presume it was his place and you are temporarily with family or friends? Relief you found out now before marriage etc.

Blueink · 26/10/2022 11:33

Sorry missed your update, good you still have your property, hope you still have support from F&F?

Prora · 26/10/2022 11:58

His DC live with their mum, we were living at his house but I'm back at my place now.

I don't regret it because those messages and photos are burned into my mind for every time he tries to say he is sorry. It disgusts me and makes me sick even thinking about him and that I shared intimacy with him.

OP posts:
Prora · 26/10/2022 11:59

I'm going to spend today with my best friend, she knows what has happened, I called her last night, which wasn't a nice phone call for her but she's such a good friend and I am so lucky to have her.

OP posts:
ChristmasJumpers · 26/10/2022 12:05

@Prora you are handling this so well, hats off to you for acting so quickly and getting the support you need!

I'm just sorry you found yourself in this situation in the first place, what a disgusting man 🤢

It sounds like you will, but please stick to your guns, he can't explain it away and no apology is good enough, he doesn't respect or deserve you.

XAQ · 26/10/2022 13:24

Good for you OP. Stand your ground. Disgusting slimeball.

GG1986 · 26/10/2022 13:25

Don't let him worm his way back in! He won't change, my ex didn't, he is 42 now and still a twat apparently. Hope you are ok x

JessesMum777888 · 26/10/2022 15:02

So glad you have told your best friend and are with her today.
wishing you a happy future xx

LemonDrop22 · 26/10/2022 15:44

No regrets about snooping at all, in fact I would encourage people in these situations.

Abso fkg lutely op.

The anti snoop brigade on here, even when there's reason to, give me the rage.

LemonDrop22 · 26/10/2022 15:47

I found several women he'd been sexting, including one discussing fantasies involving me and asking this woman when she was coming to his house, sending them photos of his dick and getting photos from them.

Unfortunately it's not surprising... Cheating behaviour is rarely isolated.

He clearly has "ishoos".

It must be painful but it's a very good thing that you found out all this about him before you cobought property, maybe got engaged, invested further etc.

He clearly thinks your kids and his kids are worth fuck all given he's let them all be introduced and blended avd is doing this behind their Mum's/his partner's back.

Good that he has his priorities right.

His only priority being his dick apparently.

I bet his ex ended the relationship because of similar.

LemonDrop22 · 26/10/2022 15:48

discussing fantasies involving me

Bet it was a threesome.

I've had a chancer doing this.

LemonDrop22 · 26/10/2022 15:51

Before I blocked him he was trying to justify it.

Would he accept the same justifications from you if it was you sexting other men, sending them pics of your genitals, illiciting sexual pics from them, chasing men around in bars and trying to hook up with them etc.?

LemonDrop22 · 26/10/2022 15:53

Sad thing is this specimen is going to be back out on the dating market and in a new relationship with an entirely clean slate with an unknowing woman again soon.

MrMrsJones · 26/10/2022 16:00

What on earth was he saying when he was trying to justify his actions?

Well done you, move on from this loser

MightyOaks · 26/10/2022 18:09

@bonnielochs 'GF finds out BF is cheating and leaves him'

Fiction you say? Unfortunately it's been going on since civilisation began, love!

Just because it hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean it's fictitious HmmBiscuit

pictish · 26/10/2022 18:19

morninginging · 26/10/2022 08:25

Strong.

Well done. Total scumbag.

I know when you find out someone isn't who you think they were it's sometimes easy to start to doubt your own judgement and mistrust everyone too. But it's not your fault. It wouldn't have mattered who you were, this is who he is.

Onwards and upwards. Flowers

Good post.