These texts show he's cheating on me. Don't they?

[Prora]

I was on mine and my boyfriends iPad closing down some apps, in the process I've come across some texts between my boyfriend of 18 months and a woman dated last week. It appears he gave his number to this woman on a night out. It was a night where he was meant to come home, but he told me that he got drunk with some friends and didn't make the train.

In the text messages (at 11.30 at night) he asks where she is and she tells him she's in a bar. He tells her he doesn't believe she's in a bar and she texts him saying, 'I am. Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' He then responds, 'You're a saint.'
They then exchange several messages where he is trying to find the bar she is in. He can't find her so eventually gets a taxi to his friends house. She then texts him in the morning saying 'You wanted to stay out ;)' and he responds that 'I know I did! You were hiding from me telling me the wrong bar.'
Then the following day he text her asking how she is, and she replies she has covid, and he takes a test and tells her he is negative. Then the last text he says, 'Let me know when you are back in (our home town) and want to get covid, I'll take you out.' with a kissing face emoji on the end.

Typing all this out. Fuck. I don't know what to do. There isn't an innocent explanation is there. Do I confront him when he is home later? I want to call the woman and find out what actually happened.

I don't think he's done it before, it looks as though he met her that night and gave her his number. She also lives in a different country as she speaks about going back. I think he was hoping for a quick shag before she went back and I'd never find out.

What's he doing chasing a woman around bars and texting me at the same time saying he won't be back home. What the fuck. I don't get it.

Who's house is it op? Can you kick him out easily if needed

Screen shot the photos so he can’t convince you it’s in your head , pack his bags and leave.

you will never trust him again after this I’m so sorry you must feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach.

x

You won’t “get it”.

Not because your stupid or anything but because your not a sleazy rat begging to meet up with someone behind your partners back.

Your better than that.

It doesn't read like that to me - sounds like this is the first time they've met each other, and she was turning him down. The messages would likely have been worded differently if it was an ongoing affair. Not that it makes the situation any better, the intent was obviously there.

OP, if you do go out for dinner with him don't make a scene in public. Just wait until after you've eaten and then tell him calmly, before walking out and leaving him to pay.

Call her if you think it’ll give you clarity, just don’t take it out on her because she honestly sounds like she thought he was single. It get it. It’s not as easy as oh just leave him and throw it all away. I get you’re trying to figure out what went wrong. Just prepare yourself to either put up with crap or you’ll have to end it. You’re only 18 months in, it should never be like that at all but especially not after only 18 months. There isn’t even the ‘he was really drunk’ excuse because he kept it going the next day. I know where you’re at, trying to find any way at all to make it forgivable and less bad than it is. I’ve been there m, I really feel for you.

It's not an affair, it's clear they met during the course of the night and he's given her his number and something has happened to make her think there's a chance of them sleeping together 'Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' Doesn't matter whether it was an affair or not. And the subsequent messages he sent to her in the following days, I've just worked out, I was with him. So he's texting me whilst I am sat there! Wow!

What an uttet shite of human.. Give you a hug x

She might want to just do damage limitation, stay out of it, not want shit from him, not want involved.

She may not want to speak to you, or white wash it etc.

The messages, and the picture they shoe, are enough.

And yeah, having moved in with someone and introduced all your kids, and be planning a holiday all together..... He is a truly shit father as well as partner.

This is clearly a case of cheating.

Ugh caught red handed.
Whatever the involvement, his intention is clear.
Prepare to hear a pack of lies.

So sorry for you. He has ruined everything.

100%. Thing is it’s not actually saying he HAS cheated but the intention is there

He didn't sleep with her but he really tried hard. The intention to cheat was there. He was looking for a shag. If the opportunity arises he wont hesitate. Ditch him.

The thing is he'll try and say it was a drunken mistake but then he's continued it when he's sober. There's no excuse. Absolute cunt.
Is the house yours?

What's he doing chasing a woman around bars and texting me at the same time saying he won't be back home. What the fuck. I don't get it.

I get flamed every time I say this, but there's often a reason why separated or divorced men with kids are separated/divorced.

And before all the "is it same for women then??!!" posts; no, it's not.

I think if you were to get the full story from the mother of his kids, you might find this is a pattern for him.

Your BF is a player who is fu_king around and playing the field like he was single, the texts you copy+pasted sound like someone with the emotional maturity of a 10 yr old.

Get yourself a good man.

Yep. I'd just take photos of all the messages and send them to him now.

Yep.
Idiot man wants his cake and to eat it too.

I don't get it.

He's the type of person who wants the novelty, excitement, conquest and variety of multiple sexual partners (or even partners) while also having the security, comfort, familiarity, support, domesticity, intimacy, reliability etc of a steady partner. He feels he's entitled to both and he's no doubt of the "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" camp.

This type would never accept an open relationship or reverse circumstances though. That's for women to ge in the receiving end of, not them.

You dont need any more information, it is as clear as day what his intentions are, just get shot of him and dont let him hurt you any more. Finding out details will only hurt you.

Might I also add that this type of useless bastard is also generally the type to not fancy looking after and entertaining their own kids when they have them on their own, so they tend to couple up and blend families pretty quickly.

Such good advice.

18 months is very quick to have already been living together when there’s kids involved, that’s unfortunate they’ll be impacted by you finding out what sort of man this guy is.

Whose house is it?

He's done this before, you just didn't "pick his phone by accident" and read the messages. He sounds quite like a predator with zero emotional maturity in those text messages OP. This is not lad banter, he's a skirt chaser and texts other women asking for sex infront of you, what other proof do you need?

Icy, calm detachment would be the way to go, rather than drama and pleading for explanations. ‘I no longer find you attractive, this is over’ (do you own the house? If so ‘get out. Now.’ and repeat it, flatly, over his whining)