CM payments and cost of living

[Tuniplobby]

As far as I know the CM calculator doesn't take living in high cost areas such as London into consideration?

My friend's ex has recently gone through CMS and he now has to pay about £40 more a month which doesn't seem much but is the difference in affording the petrol and cost of feeding the children when he has them one weekend a month (6 hour round trip to collect and again to drop off) he moved back in with his parents who live in London after the split, over a hundred miles away from the children as he couldn't afford to private rent and had debts.

His ex wanted him to take them more weekends too but there's no chance he can even visit now which has devastated him.

Is an extra £40 really worth your children not seeing their dad just to get what you're 'entitled to'?

"He can't cook" that is so utterly pathetic. Cooking is not hard. You just follow a recipe online.

I really hope this isn't your boyfriend OP because if it is you are dating a man child. "Can't cook" honestly 😂

If he needs the £40 so desperately in order to see his kids, why don’t you give it to him? It sounds like you have all the answers and I’m not sure why the mum should have £40 less than what she’s entitled too?

It sounds as if it’s the mum who has the kids full time so it doesn’t matter whether she’s met someone and isn’t struggling. He should contribute towards his kids because well, they’re his kids. He lives with his parents and pays £400 rent? He can’t even ask his parents if he can lower the amount to £300 so he has £100 spare to be able to visit his kids? Come on now

Oh come on, these excuses get worse. What did they do for shopping before he lived there? What did they do throughout covid? Of course he can cook, he's a father - my 9 year old can cook - he just can't be bothered! He needs to park his car somewhere further out and bus in. It will be cheaper than all the parking fees. Honestly why are you sticking up for this bloke who is sounding worse with every update?!

And if evenings are out of the question work wise then there are his weekends - 3/4 per month - where he isn't seeing the dc. He could get a bar job, even one night a week would more than cover the £40

He can't cook

Rubbish. He won't cook.

He can't cook so it's all ready meals and snacks. His parents have normally ordered a take away in before he gets back from work.

How embarrassing. He's an adult, this is the kind of loser you seem intent on making out to be the victim. Get some self respect.

He could literally start with scrabbled egg

Can he read? If he can read the. He can cook. He sounds rather useless.

What explanation has he given you for his family breaking up?

Sounds like he can tell the OP is sympathetic and is milking it.

OP would any of these reasons stop you from seeing your own children?

He could use a YouTube video if he cant read.

After that last update, I'm struggling to believe this is real. Surely no one could defend a twat like that? Can't cook. Please. And it's funny how his poor, little old dementia-riddled parents can be so savvy as to demand £400 off him monthly. That's £400 a month more than they had before he moved back. Nice little earner for them. They're not willing to reduce the rent by £40? No? Other PP have asked about that but it's got no answer.
This has wind up written all over it.

If you can drive a car, you can cook a meal.

Why did their relationship end and why did he move 3 hours away?

Because £400pm in rent, plus all own food and meals, whilst caring for two people with dementia, does not sound like a great deal.

If true, when will he accept that it just hasn't worked out do you think? Lodge nearer his children so he can see them regularly or get a job nearer his parents to cut down on travel costs?

Because the job doesn't sound great does it. NMW but a £400pm commute including expensive parking and no set clocking off time.

Wouldn't he prefer to ask his parents for a rent reduction, or learn to cook, or change jobs, or do some extra shifts, than send his children less than the legal minimum?

He could find the £40 out of the budget you've put there as £200pm for hair/clothes etc for a single person is quite a lot in my experience. The car cost also seems quite high so not sure if he can cut anything there in terms of reinsuring if he's got a bad deal. The debt I agree with others is a stupid mistake from the past (low income, dont have a big expensive wedding. Choosing to is stupid but its done now). May be worth seeing if can reduce or consolidate payments. He could also speak to his parents. Given they would have to pay their rent whether he was there or not, and he is paying his own food, he is only really increasing their bills with any additional water/heating which is unlikely to be an extra 400 a month meaning they are makin a profit out of their son being there. Any grandparents worth their salt would rather forego that to see their grandkids than not - unless they also have their priorities wrong or there is more to this.

Can't cook 😂🤦‍♂️

Won't cook

Pay enough

Visit enough

It's almost unanimous OP, he sounds like a loser, and he's probably lying about some of his expenses (food rent)

“He can't cook so it's all ready meals and snacks”

We all know he’s your boyfriend, not a “friend”.
Throw this useless lump back in the sea.

Form an orderly queue ladies! He sounds better with every update!

If he learns to cook he can save the £40. Problem solved.

You have an an excuse for everything don't you. He's really sold you a pack of lies OP. And you have fallen for every single one.

Utter bullshit that this cocklodger has moved out, had kids, got married, got divorced, racked up a load of debt and still can't boil a pot of water and chuck some pasta/an egg/potatoes in it. He sounds more pathetic the more to post.

And that nasty ex stopping him from seeing his poor dementia riddled parents!

Have now seen this but doesn't change my view.

The car parking sounds like (as you reference residents permits) is a lot to do with living in London now. If his parents want him to live there to care for them, and use his car, surely they should assist with costs? Perhaps if the costs are so high he really should consider a more local job he can commute on public transport to and then they order online for shopping (see below).

Though the job has potential to pay more if its NMW for a niche that seems a bit of a con tbh - niche usually means not many people do it so unless he is still training, how come only NMW? If I were him I'd be considering the genuine likelihood of being paid more and when (if soon, then this issue will be over soon. If not then I'd consider a different role). He could apply to places like Aldi or Lidl and get more than NMW plus lots of overtime opportunities likely.

In terms of his parent relying on him how did they manage before when his ex wouldnt travel or let him travel? (The whole letting him travel dont ve fooled by as he has autonomy). They arent in a position to refuse to do the shop online and he has a choice there. If he is caring for them then he may be able to receive gov money for that (is it attendance allowance or something)? And should also justify him paying less rent to them as without him there they'd be in a worse position.

The can't cook is nonsense. Cereal doesn't require cooking. Sandwiches, crisps and apple for lunch doesn't. And you can very very easily cook jacket potatoes, soups, simple pasta dishes for dinner. Wont be amazing but a hell of a lot cheaper. I'm sure you could tell him the basics in a short conversation with him. He would need to be able to cook for his kids anyway.

He’s sounds like a dead beat dad. What a waste of a man.

Moaning over £40 when he bothers with his kids hardly ever!!

Everything you have said is just one excuse after another?

He can’t cook?! Pull the other one, he’s a grown adult ffs. He needs to grow up.