CM payments and cost of living

[Tuniplobby]

As far as I know the CM calculator doesn't take living in high cost areas such as London into consideration?

My friend's ex has recently gone through CMS and he now has to pay about £40 more a month which doesn't seem much but is the difference in affording the petrol and cost of feeding the children when he has them one weekend a month (6 hour round trip to collect and again to drop off) he moved back in with his parents who live in London after the split, over a hundred miles away from the children as he couldn't afford to private rent and had debts.

His ex wanted him to take them more weekends too but there's no chance he can even visit now which has devastated him.

Is an extra £40 really worth your children not seeing their dad just to get what you're 'entitled to'?

Why’s he living a 1.5hr car commute away from his job, if it only pays £1,500 a month?

I don't understand? I see it firsthand.

I don't expect full calculation from my ex as I know the cost of living is high and the calculator doesn't take it into account. I'd prefer my son to have quality time and memories with his dad with decent food etc

Seems like I'm the exception to the rule. Everyone else expects full money if not more, children seen every 2 weeks at least etc. Life isn't like that?

Not sure how much support he could give his parents if he's out of the house around 12 hours a day 🤔

They aren't struggling, they've admitted that. It's a principle thing..

Oh ask my bollox. Seriously. So if she can afford it she should pay his share, because... because why exactly

It's CMS. It's the most basic minimum payment. But yea she should pay it, she moved on so needs punishing!

That should be the bare minimum of what life is like. Some people have depressingly low standards.

See, in my situation that's me. I don't feel like I'm being punished though?

Is it bitterness towards having the kids so much or something?

He needs to find a job closer to his parents. He doesn't earn enough to justify those commuting costs.

He should also have a word with his parents. I doubt he's costing them £400 a month in utilities alone! Do they not like him?! Mine wouldn't charge me any rent if I was in dire straits.

It's less about low standards and more about recognising people's capacity I see it as and working with that to get the best out of the situation for the child.

See, in my situation that's me. I don't feel like I'm being punished though?

That's foolishness. It's a basic payment. You know your ex can manage his finances AND see them... just saying...

I expect my ex to prioritise his children, as do I. The cost of living affects us all, more so the resident parent?

I think what is best for the children is to have access to all the resources they are legally entitled to. Parents should step up and put their child(ren) first.

I can see how £240 is a lot out of a £1500pm wage and it must be galling to be back living with your parents and paying off a wedding while she has moved on to a new partner and appears far more financially comfortable.

But he is still paying the minimum possible at 16% of net pay and I expect she is spending more than 16% of her salary on those children. He is paying towards a nice life for his children. Being bitter about it won't help and I'd suggest focusing on how he can improve his own situation.

There are lots of NMW jobs advertised at the moment - would he be better off getting a job close to his parents so he can ditch the car? His children live three hours away so could he lodge/work in nearer, cheaper town?

Why did he agree to take on sole responsibility for the wedding debt and when will this finish?

Definitely!
But living isn't a luxury. Working, eating etc isn't not prioritising your children, surely?

That would be eating out, magazine subscriptions etc

I think this guy (he's your boyfriend or someone you're dating) is telling you a sad story to make you feel sorry for him about his mean unreasonable ex.

I don't believe he's paying his parents 400 for rent nor do I believe the other debt he has is for a wedding.

If this is real.....do not fall for the sob story

His ex has them virtually 100% of the time. He does no parenting, takes no responsibility and now is complaining about £40 to support them when it was his choice to move away and back in with mummy and daddy whilst abandoning his children....

How naive do you have to be to fall for this bullshit? Seriously he's played you like a right fiddle .

He's a deadbeat dad. If it walks like a duck and quack like a duck.....

Why are his parents charging him £400pm? That is a lot, especially as he buys his own food too. My dd is a student and spends less than £200pm on food so there might be capacity to cut back there.

It doesn't make sense to me that he moved 3 hours from his children only to complain about the cost of seeing them. And then get a new NMW job that is a long commute from their house.

He is, they just won't get to see him.

She isn't, but that's okay apparently. She also moans it's bad for the children's mental health not to see him (I agree) however will make it currently impossible to do so. Makes complete sense.

Friend.

Okay. Possible, I obviously can't say for definite. Just what he's told me.

If £40pm is the difference between seeing his kids or not he needs to cut back £40pm or increase his earnings.

Why did he move 3 hours from his children only to get a nmw job that is a long commute from his parents house?

Lodge or rent a room nearer to the children and get a job that doesn't cost £400pm to commute to?

Oh have a word with yourself. She should pay to accommodate him seeing his own kids? His decision not to see them if he has to make this mandated minimum payment is nothing more than emotional blackmail. He doesn't pay his fair share even with the payment. He's disgusting. Take off the blinkers.

Your “friend” is full of bs the CMS payment is to support his kids does he expect them to go without to make his life easier, I’m sure that the cost of living increases are affecting their costs as well. Since he hardly sees his kids surely he has plenty of time available to earn a little extra, maybe overtime in his existing job or an evening job in a pub or doing deliveroo would all bring in more than the needed £40 if he cared enough to bother.

No he is making it impossible through his lifestyle choices. Minimum wage with a £400 a month commute cost is unsustainable. Choosing to move away from your children and then paying under basic maintenance as you have travel costs is outrageous.

Get a bar job for the weekends he's free. Find a closer job. Find a better paid job. There are options that don't involve not paying appropriate maintenance for your children.

Prioritising your children means that every decision you make you consider the impact on them. Shall I move 3 hours away or rent a room in shared accommodation locally? Shall I look for work close to them or take a job in another city? What can I do to provide for my children physically and emotionally?

It's not the ex partner's responsibility to make up for this man's shortcomings, no wonder he's an ex! As usual, it falls at the mothers feet to facilitate contact and make the sacrifices.

He needs to get another job. Evenings and weekends. Cut down your outgoings. I can’t stand the phrasing that it’s the CM that is too much, why is it not the car or the rent to your parents. Go knock on those doors and tell them you haven’t got enough money to see your kids.

You're avoiding all the questions asking about the high rent cost and ridiculous commute for low wage. Those are the answer to his problem.