CM payments and cost of living

[Tuniplobby]

As far as I know the CM calculator doesn't take living in high cost areas such as London into consideration?

My friend's ex has recently gone through CMS and he now has to pay about £40 more a month which doesn't seem much but is the difference in affording the petrol and cost of feeding the children when he has them one weekend a month (6 hour round trip to collect and again to drop off) he moved back in with his parents who live in London after the split, over a hundred miles away from the children as he couldn't afford to private rent and had debts.

His ex wanted him to take them more weekends too but there's no chance he can even visit now which has devastated him.

Is an extra £40 really worth your children not seeing their dad just to get what you're 'entitled to'?

And while this poor man is struggling, meanwhile the mum has a magic money tree which enables her to spend unlimited amounts on the children and a live-in house elf to provide free childcare and do the school run so she can work as many hours as she pleases, right? So she is completely unaffected by the cost of living crisis, is that correct?

Or does your friend really think that £200 per month was covering 50% of his children's monthly expenses, including childcare?

Even if your friend wasn't divorced I struggle to see how he was providing for his kids with those figures.

Really, £40 a month is a drop in the ocean compared with the cost of raising children.

Your new boyfriend has convinced you, hasn't he?

£10 a week off his 'essential' haircuts/clothes/food and he is sorted. Not a chance he is paying £400 a month to his parents. I'd bet he has rounded up his amounts so the poor man has nothing left to give

You are parroting the script of all men who don’t prioritise their kids from previous relationships. “Can’t afford CMS, all the debt is her fault/her spending, I’m working so hard, no choice but to move to x inconvenient and far flung location…”

It is so predictable and boring. You are clearly dating this loser and will probably be pregnant in no time. You’ll be back to complain that he doesn’t see your kid in a couple of years.

This man has agency. He isn’t the perpetual victim. He agreed to take on the debt. He chose to move far away. He chose to live far from his work. He made poor choices.

Perhaps you could encourage him to make better ones? A room in a house share near his kids, a job close by plus a discussion with the CAB and step change for the debt spring to mind.

He sounds like a deadbeat father, making up excuses not to see or pay for his own DC. The CMS amount is an absolute bare minimum, a drop in the ocean of costs associated with bringing up children.

It seems very unlikely that he's paying £400 a month for a room in his parents' house!

He is, they just won't get to see him
She isn't, but that's okay apparently. She also moans it's bad for the children's mental health not to see him (I agree) however will make it currently impossible to do so. Makes complete sense
What a load of rubbish. If he doesn't see them, that's on him. Better to whine about not seeing them than actually DO something about it.
How do women fall for these bullshit sob stories? It blows my mind.
He pays nowhere near half the costs of the children and has the cheek to complain that is has gone up a small amount.
How the fuck can anyone say she's in the wrong for taking the extra 10 quid a week?

Plus, if he's on minimum wage he could get another job within walking distance in no time, supermarkets are crying out for staff. Then he could ditch the expensive car. Or move back to where his children live and get a room in a house share.

Your boyfriends a twat. You're not much better either tbh. You won't know everything about the situation, only the bits he's chosen to tell you to make himself look good. CM is the minimum amount, he needs to drop back on the clothes spending and make his kids a priority. He also needs to get a better paid job. Tell him instead of complaining and acting like it's not fair, to focus on his kids.

OP, I’m guessing this trainee deadbeat dad is the one you’ve chosen to hitch your wagon to (for whatever reason).

He’s spinning you a sob story as old as the hills. We’ve all been there, seen it and heard it.

Post up the general area where his ex and kids live (& within a 20 mile radius) & I’ll bet you a steak dinner us mumnetters will find decent rentals he could consider. He judt doesn’t want to.

He is a professional cocklodger heading your way.

Anyone who has to be forced to support their own dc by a government agency= deadbeat dad

Anyone who pays the bare legal minimum when that is clearly not enough to support their dc = deadbeat dad

Anyone who puts their need for a haircut before feeding their dc = deadbeat dad.

C'mon OP, am sure you can do better.

I’ve never heard a woman say that it’s too hard to see her kids, give up and move away. I’m sure it happens, but very very rarely. A man does it and we’re meant to decide it’s reasonable for him to never see his kids and resent the one thing he is still expected to do to support them?

The ex clearly felt she had to go through cms because he was resisting contributing sufficiently to his kids lives. He’s spinning you a yarn and you’re swallowing it.

Just reading through your comments and I can see you’ve fallen for this guy and his bull shit. He moved away from his children as I’m sure in most areas outside London, he’ll get a house share for just a bit over what he pays his parents so if he wanted to see his children more, he will but he chose to move away.
He has sold you all these lies to make his ex look bad and you’ve fallen for it. I bet these are his own debt and not marital debts as I’m sure the man you’re talking about would have split those debt before leaving his ex.
I hope you don’t end up spending what you’re meant to spend on your children on him because he clearly fits the profile of a professional cocklodger and you’ve fallen for it

Just in case...

Do not have a child with this man.

I would throw this one back OP and have a good long think about how hard you have fallen for his very obvious lies.

Your “friend’s” ex is clearly a money-grubbing witch and your friend totally innocent and powerless to make any decisions in his life or that of his DC.

YEAH, right.

He could of got a house share for £400 a month near his children let’s face it. He didn’t want too. If his not seeing his children at all now a house share locally would of at least meant day trip visits rather than nothing.

All his clothes and shoes just “broke” at the same time. Pull the other. £250 a month in debt get into one of those repayment plans. He needs to live or work closer to either his job or home. You can’t justify £400 a month in Travel when you cannot afford £40 to visit your children.

On the face of it, I’d agree with you. A resident parent who has another adult to help support the household financially and who isn’t struggling should not take extra money from the NRP if they are struggling and taking that extra money means their children won’t be able to see their father. Especially if that NRP is solely paying off the full and joint costs of the wedding to the RP.

But it’s highly unlikely that that is the whole story, or that the story is that straightforward.

How on earth are some women attracted to absolute bellends like this bloke? RIse your bar OP, and listen to people on here who have heard this cliched tale of woe too many times to count. His story has more holes in it than a fishing net. If he genuinely can’t see any solutions to improve his situation and see his kids more then he’s a bit dim isn’t he? Is that what floats your boat, someone lacking basic intellect or motivation? For instance, why isn’t he living close to his kids in a cheap house share probs costing the same or less than a room at his parents? Even if they couldn’t stay over he would be able to see them day to day. Then working closer to avoid the commuting costs? He could do that but it suits you to believe his ‘I’m such a good dad but a victim’ line, so you will. Sigh. Have higher standards for your ‘friends’.

If he lives in London how is 400 on a car less than public transport?
Even a zone 1-9 travel card is less than 400 a month.
He moved away.
He isn't doing any parenting.
He had minimal rent.
He is a deadbeat dad and you're sucking it up.

He could walk into any hospitality job tomorrow if he wanted to. The sector is on its knees, staffing wise. If he’s personable he can bartend. If not he can go in the kitchen. I would pretty much employ anyone at this point and wouldn’t give a monkeys about their haircut.

It’s absolutely ridiculous to commute to a min wage job. Properly idiotic.

He is lying to you about so many details. It’s a tale as old as time.

The next step is of course he meets a new woman and is having another baby that he struggles to afford due to his tiny violin narrative of ‘ex wife takes all my money’
He needs to grow up and sort his life out and stop begrudging his own children a more comfortable life.

Oh the poor, poor love. My heart bleeds. 🙄

If he is paying the amount calculated by the CMS then this will be the bare minimum a parent should be expected to pay and will be calculated based on his wages. Of course he should bloody well pay. I have zero respect for men like this.

I'm surprised anyone would post a thread like this if they know anything about mn. New here op?

How does one actually force a man or women to spend loads on a wedding anyway. Like did she have a gun to his head? The writing was on the wall back then let’s face it.

He had no job? Left the city they lived in to move in with his parents but could only get a job a commute away. He moved three hours away from his children but works an hour away from home. His not making good choices at all is he.

You sound like a right mug.