CM payments and cost of living

[Tuniplobby]

As far as I know the CM calculator doesn't take living in high cost areas such as London into consideration?

My friend's ex has recently gone through CMS and he now has to pay about £40 more a month which doesn't seem much but is the difference in affording the petrol and cost of feeding the children when he has them one weekend a month (6 hour round trip to collect and again to drop off) he moved back in with his parents who live in London after the split, over a hundred miles away from the children as he couldn't afford to private rent and had debts.

His ex wanted him to take them more weekends too but there's no chance he can even visit now which has devastated him.

Is an extra £40 really worth your children not seeing their dad just to get what you're 'entitled to'?

He needs the car to get to work. Just having a flat wouldn't be enough.
Does he not have legs?

Why is he choosing to spend £200 a month on food, clothes and haircuts?

He’s a big boy, he knew if he chose to take out a loan he would have to pay it back. He also knew if decided to live with his parents he would have a long drive to see his children, but still chose to do it. How was he providing the support his parents needed before he chose to live with them?

Outside of big cities there are very few places where a one bed, or a studio would cost anywhere near £800 a month.

Yes. £40 isn’t much, but he clearly thinks spending £40 on clothes and haircuts is preferable to seeing his children.

When struggling financially, decent people either seek extra work or cut back themselves, rather than preferring their dc to go without.

The minimum for non-resident parents is extremely low, nothing like half of what it costs to care of a child. If he was paying less that that, I think he should be ashamed.

He is, they just won't get to see him.

She isn't, but that's okay apparently. She also moans it's bad for the children's mental health not to see him (I agree) however will make it currently impossible to do so. Makes complete sense.

I think he's spinning you a sob story and you are falling for it.

He has other options. When things were extremely tight when my dc were little I had to pick up extra work on the weekends on top of my full-time job. Because I had a responsibility to support my dc. It doesn't sound like he's inclined to do anything to meet his dc's needs (which include financial support and contact with their parents) other than moan about how hard done by he is.

That's the amount they've asked for.
He took the first job that accepted him but is still searching.

The haircut is needed for work, they wouldn't have him looking scruffy.
Unfortunately he's in dire need of clothes. Everything is breaking so he's trying to get bits here and there and hoping the other bits last him until he gets round to replacing

Which NMW requires you to get a specific haircut every four weeks? Lots of love a poster who hasn’t had a haircut for two years and does not look scruffy.

Why are his clothes breaking, clothes don’t usually break. Why isn’t he buying secondhand clothes, or getting the basic essentials from primark?

I think the cost of living crisis is going to impact resident parent costs more than non resident whose priorities are haircuts over seeing their children

Not every 4 weeks, no. Just an example that the £200 food budget has to cover everything else too.

They are breaking because they are Primark stuff years old. Seams tearing, bits wearing out, zips breaks, soles have holes in etc hasn't bought new clothes for years.

Your boyfriend sound like a right dickhead

Would his parents reduce his rent by £40 so they can see their gc?

"They are breaking because they are Primark stuff years old. Seams tearing, bits wearing out, zips breaks, soles have holes in etc hasn't bought new clothes for years."

So how many years has he been living like this?

If it is years not months then it's even harder to understand why he hasn't done anything at all to improve his circumstances.

£200 is a lot, why is he choosing to spend so much? We spend around £60-70 a month for two adults, a seven year old and a baby.

Primark clothing is renowned for last a very long time, he could get an entire new wardrobe for about £50 if he shopped second hand.

And this is what he needs to address. Surely his parents don't want their grandchildren to suffer so that they can line their pockets? His first port of call is agreeing to reduce rent to his parents (even if he agrees to pay back the difference later). Second is to find a job closer to current home.

Sounds like he's a fledgling cocklodger looking for a new place to nest.

You imply he’s been landed with the all debt and she’s kept all the assets from he marriage. Is this the case? And if so - why?

Your friend needs to get savvy about his finances and work something out. It is tough when you’re on a low wage, but if he has no skills he presumably wasn’t on a particularly good wage before when he decided to have two children and invest in a very expensive wedding. Sounds like the debt needs restructuring and he needs to totally rethink his living/work situation. That commute on that wage is insane. He’s made poor financial decision and seems to be continuing to do so. What he’s being asked for from CMS is a pittance for the cost of bringing up two children. He owes it to them as well as himself to get his act together.

The mother may look like she’s doing fine, but she’s got two children she’s responsible for 24/7. It will be costing her way more than 240 a month over his CM to feed, cloth, house, educate, and entertain those kids. She’ll either have to convince someone else to provide her with support or she’ll likely see her own earning power severely curtailed. And there will be a cost to getting that support too. I can see how someone in that situation might not be interested in making exceptions to make their ex’s life easier or to facilitate a relationship with someone who is landing her with a lifetime of costs he doesn’t have.

Yes, because it's his parents job to fund his poor reproductive decisions 🤫🤔

What a load of complete and utter bollocks! I'm tempted to say this is me and my ex husband you're writing about......

It easily could be. My ex remains the entitled, self-absorbed, thinks the world owes him a living, victim that ever there was. I dont need his paltry amount of CMS, and because I dont need it, he thinks he shouldn't have to pay it.

That money goes straight to the kids savings accounts and always will.

Course not, but if this tale of woe is legitimate I'd expect his parents to be more concerned about their grandchildren than an extra £40 a month. Highly unlikely it's costing his parents £400 a month to house him if he's buying his own food, so unless he's generally a liability and they've had enough of him, or they've kicked out a lodger to house him instead, it seems a bit off to charge that much.

Are they divorced? How has he ended up responsible for all of the marital debt?

If he moved his job closer to his parents then he would be able to reduce commuting costs and take on extra hours.

This is so weird. What is your relationship with this man? He moves away from his children and was only seeing his children once a month and can't now because the correct CM figure is £40 more than he can afford. And he can't get a NMW job that doesn't cost £400 per month in commuting costs. And he needs 4 weekly haircuts, but lives in Primark rags. His ex is doing 100% of the childcare. I think he's having you on.

CMS is the bare legal minimum let me repeat that the bare minimum

don’t have a child if you aren’t willing to pay for one

Why is he living in a place like London just to commute out of it for a minimum wage job? Surely he can get a job that pays the same, if not more money where he is?

He doesn't sound like he's very good at making financial decisions, so I wouldn't be surprised if the loan was just for the wedding. Even if it is, the money isn't for his ex wife, it's for his children and he needs to find some way to pay it.

CMS doesn't make allowance for London living costs for the payer or the recipient. In this case, Dad's living costs are low for UK let alone London and he seems to take home about £200 a month more than NMW for typical 36 hour week . CMS will make allowances for Special Expenses such as high travel costs for contact or cost of repaying debt incurred in the former relationship. They deduct the total Special Expense from payer's Gross Income before calculating the CM payment. On the figures OP mentioned, if CMS accepted the £250 a month debt, that would reduce the monthly CM by £40!

Is an extra £40 really worth your children not seeing their dad just to get what you're 'entitled to'?

Very easy to say, isn't it, when it's not you having to find the cash for new school shoes or a much needed haircut...