To ask if I should reply to this weird Facebook message?

[thalita605]

Just that really.

Been with DP for 2.5 years, we have an 8mo together and our relationship is good and he's a good dad to DD. He's currently working away and this afternoon I had a message request on FB from what I assume is a teenage boy, although he doesn't have any pictures himself on his account, unless he's made it all private. He said he was DP’s son, he doesn't know if DP has told me about him but he wants to meet. I don't know if this is genuine or not, as he's never mentioned a son, neither has MIL, I've not met other family members as he doesn't speak to them.

I'm not sure if I should reply or not, part of me doesn't think I should but another part things I should. WWYD?

Have you asked him what his mum’s name is and when they were supposedly together?

Do you know the age of this boy? I’m just thinking if he’s 12/13/14 you don’t really want to have online conversations with a child you don’t know, has no connection to you. If his mother doesn’t know he’s contacted you it could make you open to all sorts of accusations.
I think you need to ascertain his age and his mother’s name. Then put those to DP. It’s then up to him to pursue it or not.
But if the boy is under 16 I wouldn’t be having any communication without his mother’s knowledge.

It definitely could be a scam, but personally, I'd be too curious to ignore it. We hear stories all the time about family members being reunited unexpectedly.

I'd respond to the message and ask for more information (as PP have said) - his mother's name, when he was born, and why he believes DP is his dad.

It's possible DP isn't even aware of this child (or it's possible he's lying).

Organising a paternity test would definitely clear things up, but I wouldn't jump to that unless there was reason to believe it's plausible. (Unless you've already done Ancestry DNA tests or something like that.)

What are you going to do?

I would want to know for sure. Meet him if he’s old enough. Otherwise ask his mother to contact you.

I'd want to find out more, and speak to DP.

My half-sibling was told our father knew about him and wasn't interested, he believed for 30 years that this was the case and only discovered it wasn't when his mother finally admitted it.

She'd been in touch with him some years at this point (he was adopted at 2 months old), and had actually known roughly how to track our dad down that whole time, she's never ever said WHY she did this.

So just because the alleged child believes their father knows they exist, does not mean that's true.

I’d be asking a few questions, his DOB, mums name and ask for a video call with his mum.

I have a 14 year old son. His 'father' told me to terminate the pregnancy (conceived 8 months into a long distance but full on relationship and tes we were 'careful but no contraception is 100%) and we'd continue our relationship or keep the baby and we were done.

I kept 'the baby'. My ex had no contact for months then I got 'sorry, I miss you' messages etc then he'd be 'sorry I just can't do this' messages.

He came to see his son once when he was led than a year old and the truth came out - he wasn't single when we met. He'd lied endlessly. The flat I'd stayed in multiple weekends wasn't his, it was a friends who was working abroad. He had a 4 year old daughter which I knew about but too but he'd told me he & the little girls mum had split up amicably a year before we net. All lies ...

Anyway, they had now split up and he was moving back to his hometown in London. That's why he'd decided to visit as we were on his way to a visitation weekend with his daughter.

After his curiosity visit it was back to 'I can't do this' again so, I told him he was either in or out and it was his choice.

Couple of years later and he's married and shortly after they have a son.

I am very open and honest with my son about the whole situation. He knows that his Dad has a son and a daughter and I made a point of talking about them because it's healthier for my son to know than to lie to him and one day in his teens him 'find out' anything. I'm doing the right thing for my son. My ex blocked me on fb for years, though now has unblocked me - no doubt when guilt and curiosity get the better of him so I'd occasionally check.out the wife's FB. She seems lovely and I've occasionally been tempted to message her but I never could because that wouldn't be what's best for my son.

But ... the daughters mother has no idea my son exists.
The 'new' wife almost certainly has no idea my son exists.
His daughter now 17/18ish & son 6 have no idea they have a brother.

If my son one day decides he wants to reach out and contact them, I'm not sure how it would be received but, I'll be there to try and support him and steer him through.

How woul achild who' doesn't know a parent be able to do that? It's someones lfife not a gameshow.

Sorry contestant number one you only got 5 right,ut lets see what you could have won - a elationship with your father, never mind

If he is your DP may not even know.

But be wary of a scam too

OnTheBrinkOfChange · Yesterday 23:31
I would just send one message saying tell me six things about my husband. Be specific with dates and places.

This is pretty thick - what sort of things do you think an abandoned child might know?

Could be a scam, could be true. Ask for his full name, date of birth and mother's name, and other details (where he was born, where he grew up) - and a photo. Do a Google search and an image search to see if there's any history of this person. Get mother's contact details. Speak to mother and get her details. You and DP need to be working together. Ultimately, get a DNA test done for your DP and ask boy to do likewise.

Ask if his mom knows he's speaking to you and ask for her details so you can speak to her.

Google your partner see what comes up ask the alleged son what his mum has told him about his dad see if it matches

I can't believe that would be a lie
Why would somebody just pull that out of the sky ?
Has to be something in it
I would call him and find out More

The football badge as his profile picture makes me think it's a fake account and possibly scam. Bug as others have suggested, ask for his mum to message you with more details. Don't rush to meet or engage with anyone too much until you know more.

I think we all know asking the mum to message will likely put a stop to it,

op just ask him more details, say you weren’t aware of this, what makes him think that etc,

Ask his mum's name, and see if she is an ex of your DP.

It smells of a scam to me - I would ignore.

why would he want to see you?
wait til your dp comes back
is your dp on fb?

My first thought was how does he know who are? You don't have the same surname as his father so how has he made the connection? Unless you live in a small town.

However, I would respond asking for some kind of verification. A scam is only a scam if you give out information or money. You can always block him.

If someone is reaching out, I would try to help. Good luck!

Why would it be a scam? What would be the purpose of it?

I would be asking questions such as his mum's name, grandparents etc. I wouldn't dismiss it outright but I would be very wary.

@thelobsterquadrille Why would it be a scam? What would be the purpose of it?

To get the 'victim' to engage, give away personal information and then be targeted by someone/some group in order to extract money.

eg. Friend of Friend/Relative – Some fake accounts are created and operated to entice you to trust them. Within a short period of time, they promise money or ask for it. Many scams revolve around large sums of money if you provide a fee or personal data.

I would show the message to your partner and work it out from there.