To ask if I should reply to this weird Facebook message?

[thalita605]

Just that really.

Been with DP for 2.5 years, we have an 8mo together and our relationship is good and he's a good dad to DD. He's currently working away and this afternoon I had a message request on FB from what I assume is a teenage boy, although he doesn't have any pictures himself on his account, unless he's made it all private. He said he was DP’s son, he doesn't know if DP has told me about him but he wants to meet. I don't know if this is genuine or not, as he's never mentioned a son, neither has MIL, I've not met other family members as he doesn't speak to them.

I'm not sure if I should reply or not, part of me doesn't think I should but another part things I should. WWYD?

And I agree with @weathervane1 - the fact your DH is reacting seems suspicious to me.

He must be aware of how a revelation such as this might make you feel, for your DD also.

So if he is so sure it’s a scam then he should be seeking to quickly uncover that to set your mind at rest and nip this in the bud. It’s not like it’s a hard thing to prove or disprove!

OR - He already knows it’s true and is lying about it. Or he didn’t know about a child before but suspects it could be true and is burying his head in the sand.

*the WAY your DH is reacting

This makes me think that he uses - probably his Mums last name on things like school/ college applications.

It's still not screaming 'scam' to me ...

So the only information you’ve got is a name. A place name about an hour away No pictures on the Facebook account that contacted you, no identifying details on who his mother is and a picture of a lanyard with the name blanked out.
This person is claiming that your dp has had contact with him yet dp is claiming that he hasn’t a clue who he is.
it all sounds a bit fishy to me. I’m not sure that this is genuinely his ‘son’

This person whoever it is hasn’t given anything credible to go on, The name could be made up and That lanyard picture could be absolutely anyone.

Its totally possible this Is someone trying to stir the shit, you mention dp is no contact with his family so maybe someone there or could it be a disgruntled ex or something?
it’s also possible it’s someone who actually has beef with you and not your dp and for whatever reason wants to upset you.

Either that or your dp is a lying arse.

But you need to push for more info to definitely confirm or deny what is being claimed.

Obviously this is a long thread, and so this question may well have been asked.

OP, is there any way when you contact the boy, he can give his Mothers name, as the Mothers must have been with your husband before you. If you got in touch with his Mum, this may shed some light on it, or asked the boy for the birth certificate to see who is named as the father. Mention this to your OH and see his reaction he has knowing you won’t leave it alone. Might just jog his memory. The said Mother may not have told your OH, so if that is the case, he truly wouldn’t know

Sign DP up to Ancestry DNA, get him to spit in the pot, send it off, tell mystery lad you've done it. See what happens. That's one way to take it. But just one way.

I've still been speaking to DP about the boy, he still was saying he doesn't know him. He told me his name, it's different his FB name but he has the same last name as DP. DP still says he doesn't know him but the boy told me last night DP was messaging him calling him a liar etc.

Well, surely that is easily proven? Get him to show you the messages.

Exactly... all could be easily proven 🤷‍♀️

He did show me the messages from DP calling him a liar, but I don't know what to do for the best.

Ask the boy to send you a screenshot of the messages from your partner.

If it's true, that your partner has messaged calling the boy a liar, I wouldn't be impressed at all. That's not a mature or sensible or most importantly - an honest and open way of dealing with the situation.

This boy is (almost certainly) the primary victim in this situation and deserves to be treated with care and consideration.

You are a secondary victim and you deserve honesty.

He did show me the messages from DP calling him a liar, but I don't know what to do for the best.

What do you mean? What is there for you to do? The boy says DP is his father. DP says he's not. It's for them to sort out. Only they can prove or disprove it.

Yes, it's up to DP but he's still denying it and this boy could be DD’s brother.

What does your DP want to do about this?

Because ultimately, while I think it sounds like he may well be your DP's son, I'm not sure what you can do if your DP doesn't want to engage with him further.

I would be turned off by a man calling a kid a liar tbh. And by a man who didn't want to find out more about a kid who looks just like his daughter and says they are his son.

DP doesn't want to do anything about it, he just told me to block the boy which I find odd as if he wasnt his son, surely he'd want to prove it?

Your partner can't know that the boy is a liar until a DNA test is done. I think that should be the next step, there is no other way to be sure of anything. Both parties need to know the truth

I agree. Someone sounds dodgy in this dynamic and it's not you or the boy.

I'm just not sure what you can do if your partner won't do anything about it from his side.

Must be really frustrating!

I don't see what a scam artist would get from this, not with the admission that DP knows about him, surely a scam would work better if you pretend to be a long lost relative? Also the messaging and calling him a liar is a strange reaction, as a male who has presumably had sex with people before you I'm not sure how you can ever rule out the possibility, easy enough to ask for a DNA test and put it to rest.
Could be someone stiring but again what would be the point? Has the boy given details such as when he last saw him etc. has he met other family members, anything you could perhaps cross check? I'm a sceptic by nature but I don't see what someone would get from lying about this. Short of DNA on boy and your child I can't see how you can get any further answers without you DH agreeing to DNA or more info from the son though. I wouldn't just block him and move on, it will always be at the back of your mind.

Unless your DP was a virgin when he met you, he can not say he is definitely not the boy's father. Especially when he doesn't even know who the apparent mother is.

So, here's an 'easy' solution. Tell your DP that either HE gets a DNA test with this boy or you will have your DD provide the DNA sample. Easy enough for them to make a sibling match, even a half-sibling. Time for DP to shit or get off the pot.

Also, if DP is so positive that this is NOT his son, then would he be willing to file a police complaint against if (if there are any grounds for one) or pay for a solicitor for a 'cease and desist' letter? Sounds as if we're now veering into 'me thinks thou dost protest too much' territory.

"Shit or get off the pot" ... love this!

And I totally agree with you, he is absolutely protesting too much! and making himself look good in the process.

It's a definite red flag for me, along the lines of how a new partner talks about & treats their ex ... this one is bad Vibes!

I think it's "shit or get off the can" and "piss or get off the pot".

No reason one can't chop and change, though.

This should tell you everything you need to know

Shit or get off the pot is the common phrase where I live (in the US).

How has your DP messaged the boy? If via text or WhatsApp then did you give him this number? Or did he already have it?