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Original poster

To ask if I should reply to this weird Facebook message?

337 replies

thalita605 · 23/10/2022 21:24

Just that really.

Been with DP for 2.5 years, we have an 8mo together and our relationship is good and he's a good dad to DD. He's currently working away and this afternoon I had a message request on FB from what I assume is a teenage boy, although he doesn't have any pictures himself on his account, unless he's made it all private. He said he was DP’s son, he doesn't know if DP has told me about him but he wants to meet. I don't know if this is genuine or not, as he's never mentioned a son, neither has MIL, I've not met other family members as he doesn't speak to them.

I'm not sure if I should reply or not, part of me doesn't think I should but another part things I should. WWYD?

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 27/10/2022 22:39

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair you can't get your birth, marriage or death records removed Confused

Wombatbum · 27/10/2022 22:48

I’ve been the teenager in this situation. New wife did know about me but gave me a load of abuse.

Elfblossom · 28/10/2022 01:25

Sorry OP ... depending on how you feel about trust in a relationship, I think you may be losing a partner and your child is gaining a big brother ...

Elfblossom · 28/10/2022 01:27

I'm sorry that happened to you 😞

Aussiegirl88 · 28/10/2022 11:36

Any Update OP? now your DP is home? Have been following along and part of me really thinks this could ne a genuine.

My eldest will do this one, she'll reach out and she'll be heartbroken because of the type of man he is and the lifestyle he lives.
I will shield her for as long as I can, my husband has taken sole responsibility for her since age 6 and she calls him dad, she asked if she could and from that moment he's been abs amazing dad to her.

But unless this boy asks for money, I would keep speaking to him and get more info.

Pupinski · 29/10/2022 19:37

❤️

Thisisashitshow · 29/10/2022 22:17

Ask your partner.

marcopront · 30/10/2022 06:04

Thisisashitshow · 29/10/2022 22:17

Ask your partner.

Wow
No else had thought to suggest that.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 30/10/2022 10:48

Can't imagine not asking why a DP was NC with their family.
It could be because of his treatment of his son, could have been abusive to his ex and DB didn't support it.
Not saying the DP is the wrong one, but to not ask is quite naive.
Sounds like it's true and if so, please help them form a relationship if the boy wants to.

TimeForMeToF1y · 30/10/2022 12:23

DontMakeMeShushYou · 27/10/2022 22:26

Grim has literally given you the link. It's just not a clicky one. You won't be able to get your details removed though. Births, marriages and deaths are a matter of national record.

Show quote history

I'm not sure im understanding @GrimDamnFanjo right, then all I can see is how to send off for certificates. I can't find the index referred to. Maybe it's me but the site doesn't seem very easy to navigate

GrimDamnFanjo · 30/10/2022 15:03

@TimeForMeToF1y you need to login - the index is here: www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/indexes_search.asp
There's a chunk missing still between 1934 and 1984 but they are being slowly rolled out.

TimeForMeToF1y · 30/10/2022 15:20

GrimDamnFanjo · 30/10/2022 15:03

@TimeForMeToF1y you need to login - the index is here: www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/indexes_search.asp
There's a chunk missing still between 1934 and 1984 but they are being slowly rolled out.

Thank you, I will make an account

snakeitoff · 30/10/2022 17:45

Hmmm

No smoke without fire OP

Aussiegirl88 · 30/10/2022 18:02

I'm beginning to think we will never have an update, OP has not been back in days.

hopefully she's OK!

girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 18:27

Aussiegirl88 · 30/10/2022 18:02

I'm beginning to think we will never have an update, OP has not been back in days.

hopefully she's OK!

No we probably won't have an update - because this is someone's life and she just wanted advice, which she got.

TrickyD · 30/10/2022 18:37

Our DS2 was contacted by the 18 year old son whom he had never met. Since then, twelve years ago, DGS has become a much loved member of the family, who dotes on and is adored by his half brother and sister.
I hope the OP’s situation is resolved as happily..

Aussiegirl88 · 30/10/2022 19:37

To be for she got some pretty awful advice too so hopefully she didn't just block the boy as suggested!

And if it turned out to be a scammer on the off chance, why not warn others of the potential scam going around.

But I do agree it's her life and what was happening was likely very real and doesn't have time to worry about this thread!

Original poster
thalita605 · 01/11/2022 19:59

Not got much of an update really. DP is home but he's still saying he doesn't know who this boy is. The boy then sent me a picture of his college id lanyard with his name and photo and he does look a bit like DP but weirdly he'd crossed his name off it. DP is saying its a coincidence him looking like him but I'm not 100%

OP posts:
GoT1904 · 01/11/2022 20:04

Him crossing his name off feels weird though.

niugboo · 01/11/2022 20:10

sounds like an elaborate scam.

CapMarvel · 01/11/2022 20:12

It's so clearly a scam.

Riverlee · 01/11/2022 20:12

If he’s already given you his name, seems odd to cross the name out. Suggests it’s a photo of someone different, who just happens to look like you.

weathervane1 · 01/11/2022 20:23

I guess you could always contact the college whose name is on the Lanyard and explain why you want to know his name? At some point - whether this is a scam or a honest reaching to his dad - someone needs to grasp the nettle and it doesn't seem like it's going to be your husband. The fact that your DH isn't pursuing the truth somehow speaks volumes to me.

thelobsterquadrille · 01/11/2022 20:25

Is there a way to find out whether he attends the college he claims? Is he on the website anywhere or in an online newsletter?

Rinoachicken · 01/11/2022 20:34

Well he needs to confirm the mothers name at least surely - I wouldnt engage much more if he refuses to give answers to the most basic of questions like ‘mothers name’ that will be needed to verify the connection. And then it would be down to a DNA test.

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