To ask if I should reply to this weird Facebook message?

[thalita605]

Just that really.

Been with DP for 2.5 years, we have an 8mo together and our relationship is good and he's a good dad to DD. He's currently working away and this afternoon I had a message request on FB from what I assume is a teenage boy, although he doesn't have any pictures himself on his account, unless he's made it all private. He said he was DP’s son, he doesn't know if DP has told me about him but he wants to meet. I don't know if this is genuine or not, as he's never mentioned a son, neither has MIL, I've not met other family members as he doesn't speak to them.

I'm not sure if I should reply or not, part of me doesn't think I should but another part things I should. WWYD?

It is hard to see why the boy contacted you rather than his father. (Thanks to fairy-tales, unknown step-mothers are not usually seen as sympathetic.)

Your partner has no reason to lie to you on this.
(There is nothing wrong with having had a relationship in the past.
I assume the boy is saying his 'dad' knew nothing about him?)

It does sound like a scam.

See, lots of people keep saying this but nobody has actually come up with a convincing way it would actually work apart from saying it's to get money 🤷🏻‍♀️

But how many people are actually stupid enough to give out all their personal details or start sending money to a stranger 🤦‍♀️

This boy knows the name of the brother even though the DP has no contact with him and they're not linked on social media.

How would a random scammer know that information? And if it was a scammer, wouldn't they be a bit more sophisticated than this?

It's so basic and straightforward that it screams "young boy looking for his dad".

And yet men lie about their kids and deny their existence all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️

Have you ever thought your DP may have a child, but never knew? As in previous partner could have been pregnant, of course all depends on what age the person is. Or a child he doesn’t want anything to do with, so ignoring the fact.

However could well be a scam, and if you did reply, would possibly ask for money.

Be careful…if in doubt, do nowt..

My DGC’s father has never met or acknowledged his child and tried to trick my daughter into signing a NDA. I am sure he would never tell his partner he had a daughter. I’m not saying this is the case for the OP’s DH but it’s not uncommon.

And yet men lie about their kids and deny their existence all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you read what the boy said he thinks his dad knows he exists. So not a case of a stranger suddenly making contact. So it would be a case of your partner choosing not to be involved, so
of course he’s probably not going to do anything but deny. How old could this boy be? If he’s a child I wouldn’t take it further without contact with his mum. And maybe think about what you hope would happen? If your partner has walked away from this child and you make contact is that sustainable? Could this be a scam? I’d personally wait until your partner is home and discuss properly

@thalita605 I'm not 100% sure why DP only speaks to his mum, he just mentioned an argument.

I would want to know why my DP doesn't speak to his family, it's actually one of the first things I would like to clarify before making him "DP". I'm a bit mystified as to why something so huge (the fact he doesn't speak to his family) hasn't been discussed just swept under the rug which makes me believe your DP is quite secretive or has a tendency to sweep big things under the rug.

It's hardly out of the realms of possibility.

Yes- there are men who deny the existence of their children... but not so many. I assume those that do something as bad at that are unusually selfish/likely to lie in other circumstances too. (Boris?)

It might be real and OP's DH may know nothing about the child.
The OP needs to ask if he is the sort of man who she would not want contact with in the event of their relationship ending. (So much so she would be happy to deny her child a father and any financial support.) Is he so threatening to people he rows with?

I think that in both cases, the OP would have some idea of this.

I would have asked DP about the boy in person so you could see his reaction but too late for that.

You don't sound like you trust dp as you say "he's hidden it for 2.5yrs".

(Seems a bit odd for dp to just dismiss it as never having heard of the boy. I think I'd be a lot more concerned hearing some kid was claiming I was their parent and wanting more details.)

Have you asked the kid why he's contacted you?
Why he wants to meet?
What is he hoping for from you?

It could be a scam or it could be real (both wouldn’t be unheard of).

DP could be lying to you or he could be telling the truth.

I would tell the boy that you’ll speak to DP and get DP to meet him.

If I was DP I would safely meet him in a public area and find out why he thinks the way he does and ask the boy if he’s willing to do a DNA test.

If the boy doesn’t ask for money then it sounds pretty legit.

It might not mean that DP is the father though.
The mum may not have told him who his dad is and he may just be putting 2+2 together and thinking it’s DP when it’s actually someone else with the same name.

Why should she? It's enough of a mind fuck for her without the opinions of over-dramatic strangers.

It happens all the time yet for some reason posters think that some kind of fake unknown child scam is more likely. Unless he's never slept with anyone else it goes without saying that it's possible.

The DP may not be the boy's dad, the boy may be messaging all men of that name to try and find his dad. It's understandable that he doesn't want to give the mum's name at this stage, if true he may well be in emotional turmoil having been brave enough to try to contact his dad.

All the scam talk is stupid anyway as the OP has made it quite clear she's aware of the possibility and would clearly block at the first signs of that, there's no need to keep repeating that

Scams dont have to be sophisticated thats the point. You say who would fall for them? Loads of people do every day! Hence why romance scammers on online dating are so common! People build fake online relationships get hooked and then the requests for money start its really common.

I know my daughter has fears that her child might one day contact her biological father and be treated with rejection and contempt. Tread carefully.

I had a message a while back asking me if I had a teenage child with X who had been her partner of 3 years.

I replied yes and X has known about this child since I was pregnant and has met the child a handful of times throughout the years.

Apparently X denied all knowledge but some friends and family members had mentioned it.

He then of course span a load of lies saying he thought there was a chance but I had stopped him from seeing her do he didn’t want to mention it as it was too painful 🙄

So yes men definitely do lie about these things.

Of course the boy could be lying or your DP could be telling the truth that he had no idea.

But how many people are actually stupid enough to give out all their personal details or start sending money to a stranger 🤦‍♀️ you need look no further than mn.

Posters being contacted by tour guides from a decade ago, taxi drivers during holidays to Morocco, and hoards of posters believe that “maybe you’re the only person he felt he could contact,” and “I’d rather give money to a scammer than turn down someone in genuine need.”

And the amount of begging threads we get on here where posters start sending PM’s, promising money and who knows what else.

Facebook and the internet is rife with emotional scammers. Millions and millions of pounds is lost to romance scammers every year.

So yes, people absolutely are stupid enough to give money to a random stranger on the internet.

And you need only look at this thread to see that a scam involving a child of a partner is likely to be believed, because some men do hide children or not know about them (there absolutely are men who never find out they’ve fathered a child,) but in the eyes of many women, an accused man is a guilty one, so a scammer is more likely to be believed and to succeed.

I suspect that is precisely why this scammer has got in touch with the OP and not her partner.

This thread isn't about people it's a very specific situation involving one person who isn't going to fall for a scam, why does it need to keep being pointed out that scams exist. We all know that but so what?

Confidence scams are incredibly common and it's not hard to find out personal information about people. If this person was genuine they'd be far more open about it all.

Soon enough it'll be "I'd love to meet you but I can't afford the plane/train/bus fare can you send me xx amount of money?".

It's basically the same scam as the incredibly common "hey mum I've lost my phone can you text me on this new number and send £20 to this bank account for a taxi".

It only takes a few people to fall for it and they don't need to be sophisticated for them to work. Unfortunately there are plenty of people who fall for things like this.

I would proceed with caution, so to speak, but I wouldn't risk upsetting someone who could be going through a really tough time, emotionally, at the moment.

Out of interest, had a quick google to see if this is a well known scam. It's not on this list: Top Facebook Scams of 2022 and How to Avoid Them vpnoverview.com/privacy/social-media/facebook-scams/
and I couldn't find any mention of it in my searching, but like I say, it was a quick Google, so that's not to say it isn't a scam, but it certainly doesn't seem to be a common one if it is.

Apologies if this has come up before, but this is the internet. OP has no idea who this person is, they may not be a child, it could could literally anyone. They cannot verify their identity - no passport or birth cert - not even a library card?
I call bs.

My friend had been with her DH 25 years, 3 teenaged children when she was approached by his son from his teenage years. She had no idea. It led to their marriage breakdown within a year or two because of the broken trust, but also the way he treated his son (very coldly) despite the fact his wife was welcoming and his 3 girls were delighted and intrigued to have a brother.
I think you need to be totally open with your dp but tread carefully in case it's a hoax or scam, or if true, any harmful effect on the boy.

What about it sounds true?