Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it unfair the school called social services on my 4 year old?

271 replies

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 00:44

So just seeking for some advice....

AIBU assuming that my daughter school took it too far calling the social services over a lie she made up?

I have twin girls 4 year old. On Friday one of them had a little scab from fighting with her sister. A teacher asked what happened she said I was peeling her scab and hit her with a hanger.
When asked by senior staff she demonstrated with a paint brush a hard blow to her arm. The school then called social services because apparently an item for abuse was used they called police who said this isn't a police matter. At the end of the school day me and my partner were waiting whilst the social worker spoke to my daughter who very clearly had a great time and was giggling and even said I'm just joking. Just to be on the safe side the SW came for a quick house visit and was happy to leave it there saying she will close the case. My question is was the school too extreme calling the SS knowing this daughter of mine does tell porkie pies (this isn't her first time)?

Did the school "over react"?

P.s I never hit my children I was hit as a child and saw the effects it had on me. My daughter does tell fibs and we had a very long convo about this after. To make matters worse I'm a primary school teacher and these sort of fibs and having services invovled can effect my career.

OP posts:
Marmite17 · 23/10/2022 10:32

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:59

Yeah I really have no idea how to help her with her attention seeking techniques it's like if I don't do as she wants she just rages out like this like literally the night before she was annoyed that I didn't sit on the carpet for her to fall asleep and in the morning she was really annoyed with me because I did her sisters hair first. I guess in some ways this might be a good opportunity for me to ask the school to explore more about her and see where these lies are originating from because I just can't see it. I treat her equally with her twin sister they both are very bright I guess she might need some help in school to really figure out what's going on. I just don't like the accusations regardless of how innocent I am and at the same time I want to help her she's only 4 and it worries me the child she may turn into if I ignore this.

Think you've hit the nail on the head when you say you're concerned about the kind of adult she'll become.
There needs to be a negative consequence for small lies and positive rewards for telling the truth, even if situations are manufactured.
Bigger problems in the future otherwise.

JustLyra · 23/10/2022 10:33

ShabbyRobedNun · 23/10/2022 10:27

I think with people have to tread very carefully these days where child abuse could be an issue as there have been so many cases where it has slipped under the radar with awful consequences, however I can totally understand op's annoyance, if you were a kind, caring parent it would be hurtful that someone could think that of you. I think some people on here fail to put themselves in the same position, how would they feel if they were dragged in under the same circumstances, and I know they'll probably jump on this and say "If I wasn't guilty I wouldn't be bothered!" Really? Would you not feel slightly irritated or embarrassed?.

No, I wouldn’t be irritated or embarrassed. And I’ve been in the situation and wasn’t.

Then again as a child who had seriously abusive and neglectful parents I don’t have the “but that wouldn’t happen to me or my kids” attitudes that many have.

Abuse can happen anywhere and it’s a bloody good thing that the OP’s children attend a school that are on the ball.

Cw112 · 23/10/2022 10:35

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:48

If you’re a primary school teacher then you’ve had safeguarding training and you should know perfectly well why the school called SS, quite appropriately.

This. They acted by their safeguarding policies instead of making a judgement call which is exactly as they are supposed to do.

kierenthecommunity · 23/10/2022 10:36

My question is was the school too extreme calling the SS knowing this daughter of mine does tell porkie pies (this isn't her first time)?

Your child has only been at the school one half term. How many ‘porkie pies’ 🙄 has she told exactly, that the school would be able to dismiss her as a fantasist?

I must say, however, I’m impressed with how quickly Child Services attended. Over summat or nowt.

BrutusMcDogface · 23/10/2022 10:37

You can’t possibly be a primary school teacher.

Rainbowshit · 23/10/2022 10:41

Also not believing you're a teacher. School absolutely did the right thing as you should know.

Marmite17 · 23/10/2022 10:42

Think the OP knows what the school had to do! They investigated, OP is innocent
Big problem is dealing with the lying. At 4 the daughter is believed, but as time goes on both lies and the truth won't be. Which will affect her ability to make relationships.
Of course the school acted correctly.

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 10:43

Some of you have really missed the point of the post. All I wanted to know was it over the top which most of you claim it wasn't over the top and im not justifying it claiming they did wrong I just wanted advice lol
The SS are closing the case and yes the SW even said this was a waste of time etc and LADO obviously not invovled otherwise yes I would have been very stressed
This case itself hasn't made me feel worried about SS or anything i jusy wanted to know if the school had it in for me or something which I guess they don't. I won't respond anymore but some of you are horrid, weird disgusting individuals

And yes I am a teacher, never know I might be your child's teacher ha 😉

Now enjoy commenting about safeguarding training which I have and will re train in Jan. Bye!

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 23/10/2022 10:49

If you understood your safeguarding training you wouldn't even be questioning the actions of your child's school.

JustLyra · 23/10/2022 10:51

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 10:43

Some of you have really missed the point of the post. All I wanted to know was it over the top which most of you claim it wasn't over the top and im not justifying it claiming they did wrong I just wanted advice lol
The SS are closing the case and yes the SW even said this was a waste of time etc and LADO obviously not invovled otherwise yes I would have been very stressed
This case itself hasn't made me feel worried about SS or anything i jusy wanted to know if the school had it in for me or something which I guess they don't. I won't respond anymore but some of you are horrid, weird disgusting individuals

And yes I am a teacher, never know I might be your child's teacher ha 😉

Now enjoy commenting about safeguarding training which I have and will re train in Jan. Bye!

Maybe in January you should try listening to your training because your “just wondered if they were over the top” shows you still haven’t grasped it.

Fingers crossed your are a troll, for the sake of the child apparently lying about being abused multiple times at 4 (yet you’re more worried about your reputation) and any kids who could be in your classes.

AnnieMay55 · 23/10/2022 10:51

It does seem to be an attention seeking tactic and probably quite common in competitive twins. I am not sure there is a quick solution but I had experience of teaching just 4 year old twin girls. They were in my nursery class and one day one of them wet herself. Just after this the other twin cut herself ( not badly) with a pair of scissors. We as a staff knew she had done it for attention as the other twin had had staff running around changing her. There was barely a mark on her finger but at the end of the day she was biting at this cut to get it to bleed again just as Mum arrived to collect her. Mum had a real go at us saying they shouldn't have scissors in nursery etc when the whole ethos is to let the children choose activities and obviously staff keep a watchful eye. I made the mistake of tentatively suggesting she had done it for attention as
she had been fine since, but Mum wasn't having any of it.

All you can do at home is make sure you continue to be completely fair and all family members are also and make sure school staff know the true situation.

pewtypie · 23/10/2022 10:54

some of you are horrid, weird disgusting individuals

I think teen was generous, you sound about 12.

AutumnCrow · 23/10/2022 10:56

Why are posters splurging so many stories on this bullshit thread about other people's children as well as their own? It's really not appropriate.

You want to see it on Facebook? The Daily Mail? The Sun? The Mirror? They all lift stuff. And there's not a lot of lols then.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 23/10/2022 11:00

If you’re a teacher, it would help if you knew the difference between “effect” and “affect”.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/10/2022 11:11

Some of you have really missed the point of the post. All I wanted to know was it over the top which most of you claim it wasn't over the top and im not justifying it claiming they did wrong I just wanted advice lol

It's you who's missed the point OP - which is, if you understood how safeguarding works, you wouldn't be questioning it or needing 'advice'.

You seem to think that because YOU know your DD invents stories, & because YOU are a teacher, that the safeguarding procedures that everybody else abides by should not have applied to you.

I also suspect the PP who observes that you seem more concerned about your own reputation than the reasons underlying your DD's behaviour is right.
i jusy wanted to know if the school had it in for me or something
To the entitled, equality feels like persecution ...

Hobnobswantshernameback · 23/10/2022 11:19

It's always twins....

hugefanofcheese · 23/10/2022 11:27

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 08:33

If a child did what my daughter did then obviously I would report it. I have a duty of care but NO to most of you I seen to know nothing lol. The post was just asking if the school went too far KNOWING she has made lies up before around abuse.

But the point is that the school don't know for sure whether each time she is telling the truth then retracting it or lying and then coming clean, or perhaps giving some version of the truth. It isn't their judgement call to make. They have to put each incident through the correct process and it has to be seen through.

Your profession is completely immaterial. If you're worried about your reputation and the impact of your daughter's behaviour then you need to take steps to address it, not expect the school to ignore reports of abuse and injuries.

I fully understand why this is upsetting, but you do seem to be still missing the point rather.

CarefreeMe · 23/10/2022 11:30

A 4 year old child who habitually invents lies about abuse is almost as worrying as one disclosing actual abuse, to those tasked with safeguarding them. How is it you don't see that?

I hope you get the support you need to uncover what is motivating your girl in this unfortunate behaviour, & that she soon grows out of it.

I agree!!

I would be seriously concerned about why these lies are being told.
What child comes out with such allegations!

OP I would be looking very closely at what’s going on with your child and getting her to speak to someone.
I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world that SS are involved as I think your DD needs extra support.

Bluebellandpansies · 23/10/2022 11:31

The more you write, the less I believe you. Gone are are the days of the child crying wolf. You are not getting away with it. I suggest you reach out for help regarding your child and her behaviour and you do take a safeguarding class if you are in any position were you are working with kids.

Acatnamedfox · 23/10/2022 11:38

Vecna · 23/10/2022 02:04

OP most of the posters here aren't trying to help you so I would step away and ignore all updates. Many children go through a phase of making up stuff - very often about people being mean to them - without there being any real cause for concern. If you want to discuss that more, you'd be better starting a new thread with posters who haven't already smelt blood.

Show quote history

This!

I am so bored of the gang like, bullying that Mumsnet has succumbed to, you lot are like utter vultures and it’s quite frankly vile and you should hang your heads in shame.

You’re obviously all bored and unhappy with your lives and jumping on a post kicking a poster when their down makes you feel better? Take a long hard look at yourselves. I pray all of those that have kids your offspring are kinder, less judgmental souls who don’t conform to this cancel culture mentality?

what needed to be said was said on the first two pages of the thread, everyone else came here to spit on the fallen body as they passed because they could.

Mumsnet is not the place it once was. Let’s make it a fun medium again, a place for others to inquire and ask advice of the masses that have smokes of knowledge. Let’s be kind? Or leave?

HailAdrian · 23/10/2022 11:42

Why does she keep lying about being abused...

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 11:43

It's very true!

Instead of people looking out for others and trying to help they just sit there and troll and leave unnecessary vile comments. These are also the same people who lead very lonley lives and don't have much probably going on and they wonder why!

We live in a world where people would much rather scrutinise a genuine individual over supporting a damsel in distress asking for genuine advice.

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 23/10/2022 11:43

Oh god the #bekind wankers have arrived

Hobnobswantshernameback · 23/10/2022 11:44

"Damsel in distress"
🙄

Somethingsnappy · 23/10/2022 11:47

@Acatnamedfox. I haven't commented, and have only just read the thread (or most of it), but my take on it is just that most people on Mumsnet don't like the amounts of potential troll posts around. This may not be such a post, but I can see why so many posters are having such difficulty with the 'primary school teacher' detail. Can you not? Posters don't like being hoodwinked. For this reason, I don't agree that it's a classic pile-on.