DH refusing dinner issue

[Lisagreen12]

thursday morning he txt when he was at work asking what’s for dinner as he needed to know if he had to try borrow some money, with it being the day before payday we had barely any food in
I replied saying we’ve got stuff in for a roast if you fancy it? And asked what time he would be home
he was happy with this
around lunchtime on his break we had an argument unrelated and at the end he said “don’t bother with dinner it’s not worth the hassle”
I didn’t reply to this message as I couldn’t be bothered with arguing but I’m not just going to not bother as the kids need to eat
he’s then gone and borrowed money off his mum and walked in the door after work with McDonald’s
So after 2 hours of slaving in the kitchen cooking a roast the kids didn’t want any of it.
Hes been in a mood since because we argued about that too, him saying I’m ungrateful and that he told me not to bother with dinner so it’s my own fault
but the kids had to eat and I didn’t know he was going to get his mum to send him money at his big age of 37, so was I meant to take the risk and leave them with nothing

So have I got this right?
£1 potatoes thrown out = criminal
£25 on McDonald’s when we have dinner at home = reasonable

nothing wrong with a 1yo in a sling. My DH fed him McDonald’s. I got the silent treatment.

but when you’ve got a 1 year old in a sling

so why did you allow the 1 year old to have a happy meal?

And yes, you will be picked up on throwing away perfectly decent food when the only way you can afford a takeaway is to borrow money. Sure you can see this??

No. He was completely unreasonable to borrow money for a take away when you had food at home.

You were unreasonable to throw out perfectly good food that could've been used to make a meal. Especially when as above, he's borrowing money at the end of the week. There was no need for a take away at all. You can't afford it. And you can't afford to throw food away either.

£1 potatoes thrown out = Stupid move
£25 on McDonald’s when we have dinner at home = Very unreasonable

Nope, both things are completely unreasonable when you are short on money to buy food.

If my dh had tried to give our 1 year old a Happy Meal I would have intervened, you are the mother and could have done the same. He was wrong, so were you.

The McDs was totally unreasonable. Getting into debt to buy a takeaway was stupid and irresponsible.

But I agree with a PP who asked why you didn’t reply to his text to not bother with making a roast - why didnt you say "No, dinner is already sorted and I'm making a roast"?

Communication on both sides was needed.

I agree he was more unreasonable though.

If you’re in a sling you’re not old enough to eat a happy meal.

You're really not listening. NO ONE has said McDonalds when you have dinner at home is reasonable.

We are saying YOU BOTH are unreasonable.

Also. Why characterise throwing a frozen chicken joint in the oven with some roast potatoes and boiling some frozen veg as slaving in the kitchen for two hours?

He didn’t know she was cooking the roast. He texted her telling her not to bother, but she didn’t reply to his text and cooked it anyway.

People saying I need to budget better, why doesn’t my DP? It’s his money, it doesn’t go into my bank account, if I set up a budget I’m demanding what he does with his own money.
When PP are talking about your budgeting they mean you both as a household not you specifically.

Also, if he’s the only one earning for your family (which is fair enough as you look after very young children), then it’s not his own money is it? It’s family money, household money, for all of you.

No sort of hate will make me like the taste of reheated potatoes

Unless they are McDonald’s potatoes. You reheated those and ate them.

My DH fed him McDonald’s

You didn’t do much to stop him.

Is he your DH or your DP?

A husband is a partner, no?

If he's your DH then all money should be shared, if he's just a partner then it's feasible that you don't share money. (Although with you not working that's leaving you vulnerable)

I absolutely know a happy meal for a just turned 1yo is unacceptable, as he was giving me the silent treatment what am I meant to do?

Tell him "no we have dinner here don't get McDonald's"?

Do you never stand up to him? Say No? Do what’s best for your children?

Remove the food from the child, or the child from the food. No words required.

I think the OP expected we would all be 100% against her DP (which we all are) yet thought we'd be 100% with her and clearly didn't expect that we would find fault with her, so it's a shock and she's very defensive. But the point is that if the provider for your family is borrowing money regularly to get through the week, then clearly you can't 'live a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget' ie throw perfectly good food away, and raise your children with the idea that it's good behaviour. It's irresponsible and disgusting behaviour, and if you're shocked that you are receiving criticism er 'hate' for that, then too bad, it should be a wake up call to you.

@deliverooyoutoo I suggest you remove yourself from this thread before you comment further. He didn’t tell me he was getting dinner, borrowing money, or getting McDonald’s. His only words were “don’t bother with dinner it’s not worth the hassle”.

If I took the food off DC it would have turned into a massive argument of me “controlling” him and not letting him do anything with DC, which I’m not prepared to do in front of them.

Normally if you're married you'd say DH. DP means you're not married, at least on mumsnet.

I don't think you understand how the internet works. You can't order me off your thread like that. And picking on me when loads of others have said the same thing says a lot.

@deliverooyoutoo He had already got the McDonalds. He brought it home. That's not OP's fault.