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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing dinner issue

289 replies

Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 14:36

thursday morning he txt when he was at work asking what’s for dinner as he needed to know if he had to try borrow some money, with it being the day before payday we had barely any food in
I replied saying we’ve got stuff in for a roast if you fancy it? And asked what time he would be home
he was happy with this
around lunchtime on his break we had an argument unrelated and at the end he said “don’t bother with dinner it’s not worth the hassle”
I didn’t reply to this message as I couldn’t be bothered with arguing but I’m not just going to not bother as the kids need to eat
he’s then gone and borrowed money off his mum and walked in the door after work with McDonald’s
So after 2 hours of slaving in the kitchen cooking a roast the kids didn’t want any of it.
Hes been in a mood since because we argued about that too, him saying I’m ungrateful and that he told me not to bother with dinner so it’s my own fault
but the kids had to eat and I didn’t know he was going to get his mum to send him money at his big age of 37, so was I meant to take the risk and leave them with nothing

OP posts:
lentilly · 22/10/2022 19:41

Fry the potatoes with some curry paste

onlywishfulthinking · 22/10/2022 19:41

This soup is lovely and easy, and freezes well.

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/leek-bacon-potato-soup

Eupraxia · 22/10/2022 19:53

Absolutely. Mum of 4 here and we have spent time with a household income less then 8k , and over a decade feeding 6 on less than 30k per year.

My regular Wednesday and Thursday meals to feed 6 (of which 5 are adult portions):

Day 1 - Winner, Winer Chicken Dinner:

  • Extra large chicken (would carve off just the breasts), potatoes, carrots, plus whatever is unused from Sunday (for example half a brocoli, half a pack if green beans, baby corn, cabbage, brussels etc - whatever I've got. If im lacking id add frozen peas and frozen sweetcorn)

Day 2: Chicken Carbonarra

  • Pick off what's left off the chicken carcass.
  • Add 6 handfuls of pasta to pan with the chicken. Fill with a kettle full of boiling water one simmer on hob for 15 mins
  • In a jug, whisk together 1 tub of cream cheese and 2 eggs
  • Drain chicken/pasta. Add cream cheese and egg muxture. Stir. Stand for 5 minutes to allow eggs to cook using heat of chicken/pasta
  • Stir again and serve.

12 portions of from-scrach meals. Approx total cost = £10. Around 90p per main meal.

PinkSyCo · 22/10/2022 20:04

So your ok with hearing a McDonald’s but not with reheating roasties and vegetables. You and your DH both sound wasteful tbh, especially since you only have one wage coming in!

FanTaill · 22/10/2022 20:25

because he was getting paid the next day he probably didn’t see the issue in just getting a takeaway rather than a food shop

I’m stressed by your budgeting. Having to pay his mum back means he’s already lost money on the following week’s pay. He’s now got even less chance to get to the end of the week without having to borrow again, and even slimmer chances of ending the week with any savings.

There are lots of good places to get help planning a budget if you want it.

ThereIbledit · 22/10/2022 20:30

Chop up and fry all your veg including the roasties the next day for a bubble and sueak. Or they will roast/reheat in the oven just fine.

(your partner sounds like a right knobber, but I'm just trying to help you not to waste the food you cooked if you're ever in this situation again)

SydneySage · 22/10/2022 20:34

Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 17:27

@BadNomad why was it a strange assumption to make when we had no money or other food in?

If you have no other food, why did you throw away perfectly decent roast potatoes and veg????

purplecorkheart · 22/10/2022 20:42

He needs to grow up and stop borrowing for takeaways

I cannot believe you threw away good (veg/potatoes) because you had potatoes poorly reheated once. Google recipes for leftovers, there are hundreds of easy dishes that you can do with left over veg/roast potatoes that do not require fancy/many ingredients and fast to cook. Look at things like broccoli and potato bites (made these this evening with leftovers)

fruitbrewhaha · 22/10/2022 21:14

This can’t be real. You are short of cash, but will blow the cost of cooking a roast and chuck half of it away. You don’t like the taste of leftovers but you’ll eat McDonald’s which is devoid of nutrients, full of salt and sugar and tastes shit. Your DH borrows money to but this shit and sees it as a treat. None of makes any sense.

Goldbar · 22/10/2022 21:18

Putting aside the food waste/borrowing issues, you're both quite poor at communicating. When he told you not to bother with the roast, why didn't you then ask him what his plans for dinner were, to avoid the 'risk' of the kids not having any dinner? My response would have been something like 'OK, if we're not having the roast, what are you going to do instead?'

StupidSmallFruit · 22/10/2022 21:37

The whole thing is so - ridiculous.

Arguing over text like a couple of 11YOs, borrowing money off Mum for a McDonalds, throwing food away.

It’s bad enough that any of this even happened in the first place…….

But I seriously don’t know what goes through people’s minds to think, ‘I know, I’ll come onto the internet and broadcast the whole sorry saga to 100,000 people’.

I mean, what did you actually want to get out of the thread, OP?

Validation?

Of what……?

BigChesterDraws · 22/10/2022 21:55

Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 18:29

I’ve had reheated potatoes before and they tasted like shit and powdery. I kept the meat and stuffing…

But you’ll eat McDonald’s…

I don’t know how you reheat things but I guarantee you bubble and squeak is tastier, cheaper and better for you than anything on the McDonald’s menu.

lentilly · 22/10/2022 22:04

BigChesterDraws · 22/10/2022 21:55

But you’ll eat McDonald’s…

I don’t know how you reheat things but I guarantee you bubble and squeak is tastier, cheaper and better for you than anything on the McDonald’s menu.

Show quote history

Reheated McDonalds

MoggyMittens23 · 22/10/2022 22:14

ThereIbledit · 22/10/2022 20:30

Chop up and fry all your veg including the roasties the next day for a bubble and sueak. Or they will roast/reheat in the oven just fine.

(your partner sounds like a right knobber, but I'm just trying to help you not to waste the food you cooked if you're ever in this situation again)

I mean she sounds like a bit of a knobber herself.

HappyHappyHermit · 22/10/2022 22:21

We always cook enough roast for 2 days and if you are that short on money you don't throw perfectly good food away. Roast potatoes shouldn't be microwaved but reroasted with a little oil and then they turn out fine. You both need to get a bit more sensible with meal planning and budgeting so that you don't waste money on food that you don't need or doesn't get eaten.

MissTrip82 · 22/10/2022 22:28

You both sound very strange.

Who borrows money to buy takeaway when there’s food at home? Who throws away food when you need to borrow money to feed your children?

You as a couple cannot afford to communicate so badly when you’re this close to the bone.

MrsMorrisey · 22/10/2022 22:38

GeorgiaGirl52 · 22/10/2022 19:29

Day 1: Sliced roast beef with side of roast potatoes and vegetables
Day 2: Chop up leftover beef, leftover potatoes and vegetables. Add water and a beef bouillon cube. You have beef stew.
Day 3: Take strained beef juices. Heat up and add a ramen noodle packet. You have beef noodle soup.
Any leftover soup can be poured on the dog's dry food. There is no waste at all!
This is how I fed my family this week. It's not a 10-day Mumsnet chicken but it's a savings.

This sounds great but I never have leftovers because we always eat everything. Big eaters we are!

Annon1234 · 22/10/2022 22:55

I feel like there’s a lot of judging going on here. Yes in an ideal world everyone would have enough money to last while the end of the month and yes we would so have a proper cooked meal every night. However we live in the real world. Sometimes when you’ve had a shit day you don just want easy food. What’s so wrong with borrowing £20 or whatever for a quick and easy tea, that can be paid back the next day. As long as all bills are paid so what. Yes I’d be fuming if I’d stood and made a dinner and no one ate it, he should have told you his plans

BigChesterDraws · 22/10/2022 23:38

lentilly · 22/10/2022 22:04

Reheated McDonalds

Show quote history

That’s even worse then. Won’t eat reheated potatoes she cooked herself but will eat reheated potatoes that some kid at McDonald’s threw in a deep fat fryer….

Aprilx · 23/10/2022 06:15

None of this makes any sense. One of you thinks there is not a single scrap of food in the house and they may need to borrow money for dinner, yet the other thinks there is enough to pull together a roast dinner. I can’t imagine either DH or I not knowing there is a whole chicken (or whatever) sitting in the fridge.

Anyway he told you not to make the roast but you did anyway, so I think the wasted dinner is on you. Particularly after you threw it away when it could quite easily have been eaten for another meal. News to me that roast potatoes don’t keep. For a couple that apparently struggle to feed themselves at the end of the month, you are both not acting like it, with you throwing food away and him buying Macdonalds.

blanketyblank97 · 23/10/2022 06:22

Annon1234 · 22/10/2022 22:55

I feel like there’s a lot of judging going on here. Yes in an ideal world everyone would have enough money to last while the end of the month and yes we would so have a proper cooked meal every night. However we live in the real world. Sometimes when you’ve had a shit day you don just want easy food. What’s so wrong with borrowing £20 or whatever for a quick and easy tea, that can be paid back the next day. As long as all bills are paid so what. Yes I’d be fuming if I’d stood and made a dinner and no one ate it, he should have told you his plans

But he had a quick and easy meal, a full roast that he hadn't cooked and was all ready for him.

How much quicker and easier can it get?

He also gets paid weekly so next week he's already £20 down, which isn't a great start to the week.

Aprilx · 23/10/2022 06:48

Annon1234 · 22/10/2022 22:55

I feel like there’s a lot of judging going on here. Yes in an ideal world everyone would have enough money to last while the end of the month and yes we would so have a proper cooked meal every night. However we live in the real world. Sometimes when you’ve had a shit day you don just want easy food. What’s so wrong with borrowing £20 or whatever for a quick and easy tea, that can be paid back the next day. As long as all bills are paid so what. Yes I’d be fuming if I’d stood and made a dinner and no one ate it, he should have told you his plans

I feel like maybe you have never truly been skint. I have, I grew up like that and was for the first few years of adulthood. And no, when things are like that, you don’t do takeaways and certainly don’t borrow money for one, that just makes the next week harder when you have to pay it back.

Sceptre86 · 23/10/2022 07:01

He doesn't spend money wisely and you need to talk about that. You also waste stuff. I can't believe you threw away roast potatoes and veg, if you didn't want to reheat them they could have been used as a base for many other meals. Instead you reheated a mcdonalds? I wouldn't be impressed with him borrowing money off of his mum. Money wise one minimum wage and 2 young children was always going to be tough, once you manage to get a job it will help.

lentilly · 23/10/2022 07:07

Annon1234 · 22/10/2022 22:55

I feel like there’s a lot of judging going on here. Yes in an ideal world everyone would have enough money to last while the end of the month and yes we would so have a proper cooked meal every night. However we live in the real world. Sometimes when you’ve had a shit day you don just want easy food. What’s so wrong with borrowing £20 or whatever for a quick and easy tea, that can be paid back the next day. As long as all bills are paid so what. Yes I’d be fuming if I’d stood and made a dinner and no one ate it, he should have told you his plans

They had already bought all the ingredients for a roast dinner. They didn't need to spend any more money.

deliverooyoutoo · 23/10/2022 07:09

I feel like the op doesn't really have a handle on how to budget.