Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing dinner issue

289 replies

Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 14:36

thursday morning he txt when he was at work asking what’s for dinner as he needed to know if he had to try borrow some money, with it being the day before payday we had barely any food in
I replied saying we’ve got stuff in for a roast if you fancy it? And asked what time he would be home
he was happy with this
around lunchtime on his break we had an argument unrelated and at the end he said “don’t bother with dinner it’s not worth the hassle”
I didn’t reply to this message as I couldn’t be bothered with arguing but I’m not just going to not bother as the kids need to eat
he’s then gone and borrowed money off his mum and walked in the door after work with McDonald’s
So after 2 hours of slaving in the kitchen cooking a roast the kids didn’t want any of it.
Hes been in a mood since because we argued about that too, him saying I’m ungrateful and that he told me not to bother with dinner so it’s my own fault
but the kids had to eat and I didn’t know he was going to get his mum to send him money at his big age of 37, so was I meant to take the risk and leave them with nothing

OP posts:
Againstmachine · 23/10/2022 07:09

So haven't got food in for anything but a roast, if you have food in for a roast you have food for lots of different meals apart from the roast.

It's seems bizzare and very wasteful from both of you.

deliverooyoutoo · 23/10/2022 07:11

I'm not sure if I was really skint that I'd have done a roast with food to make a roast. I probably would've tried to stretch it differently to more meals - some kind of stew or something with pasta or rice if I had that in (and I always did even when skint - just the basics range of cheap pasta or rice)

Ottersmith · 23/10/2022 07:14

Sounds like a lot of miscommunication going on so you both can hold on to that feeling of being mad and a martyr to each other. Buying a MacDonald's for everyone without telling you was done on purpose for control. Why did he put bleach in the washing machine? He sounds like an idiot and when you called him up on it he became spiteful. Does any aspect of him make you happy?

ChaosDemon · 23/10/2022 07:15

Sometimes when you’ve had a shit day you don just want easy food. What’s so wrong with borrowing £20 or whatever for a quick and easy tea, that can be paid back the next day

When you're skint there's many things you "just want" but can't have. Borrowing money for nothing more than an indulgent whim that'll leave you short the next week is spectacularly stupid.

Throwing perfectly good food away because you just don't fancy it and don't know how to cook properly is even more stupid.

incheon · 23/10/2022 07:17

Since when do potatoes taste powdery?

endofthelinefinally · 23/10/2022 07:17

A roast is probably one of the easiest meals to make. No slaving required whatsoever.
Throwing food away is disgraceful. It sounds as if you both need to grow up and set a better example to your dc.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 23/10/2022 07:19

Annon1234 · 22/10/2022 22:55

I feel like there’s a lot of judging going on here. Yes in an ideal world everyone would have enough money to last while the end of the month and yes we would so have a proper cooked meal every night. However we live in the real world. Sometimes when you’ve had a shit day you don just want easy food. What’s so wrong with borrowing £20 or whatever for a quick and easy tea, that can be paid back the next day. As long as all bills are paid so what. Yes I’d be fuming if I’d stood and made a dinner and no one ate it, he should have told you his plans

Yeah I would judge someone who is skint for borrowing £20 for a takeaway. A takeaway is not a necessity, it's a nicety. £20 would be more in an actual food shop than a takeaway.

Cactuslove · 23/10/2022 07:20

Ahhhh I can't believe the roast was thrown away. That's the most shocking part of the thread! Next time if you don't like veg and potatoes reheated chop them up small, add some stufifng and fry in a pan with worcestershire sauce and some gravy. Once all cooked together it will be a mash like consistency- super tasty and perfect for the kids. Could freeze portions for them. Use the stuffing and meat for sandwiches.

Simonjt · 23/10/2022 07:34

You don’t need to slave away to cook a roast dinner, you certainly don’t need to waste two hours doing it, you can’t be that tired looking after your children if you can leave them for two hours to cook. Over cooked potatoes will be powdery, so thats a cooking issue, not a re-heating issue. Throwing food away is not only a waste of money, its incredibly childish and sets a very poor example to your children. You need to get a job.

He should have told you his plans, however it isn’t a reason to then act liked spoiled child.

ElzBevan · 23/10/2022 07:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Cactuslove · 23/10/2022 07:43

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I think maybe you wanted to start a new thread? But in repsonse- everything is a nightmare right now. I've cut back on everything. Managed to get food shopping for me and 2 kids under 5 to £45 per week. This has been my biggest saving. Dreading when I have to renew mortgage in 12 months.

ElzBevan · 23/10/2022 07:49

Cactuslove · 23/10/2022 07:43

I think maybe you wanted to start a new thread? But in repsonse- everything is a nightmare right now. I've cut back on everything. Managed to get food shopping for me and 2 kids under 5 to £45 per week. This has been my biggest saving. Dreading when I have to renew mortgage in 12 months.

Show quote history

you're rght, i did mean to start a new thread!!! apologies

JFDIYOLO · 23/10/2022 07:52

He's stuck in adolescent behaviour.

A family's like a business - it needs planning, finances, regular check-ins with how things are going, adult to adult 1-1s between the leaders ...

Maybe time to speak to his mother and ask her to stop giving him pocket money for treats.

seven201 · 23/10/2022 07:56

Re-heated roast dinner (in the oven not microwave) is the best! You were ott to throw it away but your dp was an idiot for borrowing money for a Mac Donald's

JennyNotFromTheBlock · 23/10/2022 08:06

You're husband is on minimum wage, but you're talking about cooking roast dinners (which with everything involved all the trimmings is not cheap). Then, you are throwing baked potatoes away as if money is nothing? What a WASTE! It doesn't make sense. And anyone who knows anything about baked dinners knows that baked potatoes tastes better the day after! So you threw away the best part! He is also it seems regularly borrowing money from his mum until payday. It seems like your household is extremely wasteful with money and irresponsible. Your husband needs to find a better paying job, and you need to stop cooking baked dinners if you are on the poor line to the extent you can't last til payday, and definitely stop throwing food away! Especially second day delicious baked potatoes!

rosangelanne · 23/10/2022 08:08

Just as an idea for the future, you could use the roast potatoes to make a Spanish omelette, and any roast veg could go into a frittata, quiche, risotto, or pasta bake.

Since money is very tight, I wonder if a meal plan for the week would be helpful? The BBC has some great weekly plans that work out less than 1 pound a portion, so 28 quid for a week of dinners for 4 people . I thought this one was good:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/budgetfamilyymealplannforfour?xtor=ES-211-%5B557199PANUKDIVV42NCAACostOfLivingRETTGHI%5D-20221023-%5Bbbcfoodonepoundrecipescostoflivingg_food%5D

JennyNotFromTheBlock · 23/10/2022 08:11

DeedlessIndeed · 22/10/2022 15:52

It seems an awful waste of a full roast dinner (and the energy to cook it!) for a family who have to get into debt for a McDonalds...

He comes across as short sighted and with all the fiscal sense of a doorknob.

He comes across as short sighted and with all the fiscal sense of a doorknob.

True, he does, but so does the OP baking roast dinners when she can't afford it, and then throwing it (the potatoes at least) away as if money and therefore food is not object.

JennyNotFromTheBlock · 23/10/2022 08:12

*no

deliverooyoutoo · 23/10/2022 08:14

If I was skint, when I was skint, I wouldn't (didn't) do a roast because it is too expensive.

JennyNotFromTheBlock · 23/10/2022 08:21

roarfeckingroarr · 22/10/2022 18:31

Christ is he 14? Thinking MacDonalds is an actual family dinner? Borrowing money to get to pay day? Having a strop over text?

You're a saint OP

McDonalds can be perfectly fine as an actual family dinner every now and then. There's nothing wrong with that. But that's if you can afford it and don't need to borrow money for it.

IhateHermioneGranger · 23/10/2022 08:26

Who does a roast the day before payday?!? It is usually something like egg and chips or something similar.

SpidersAreShitheads · 23/10/2022 08:35

Annon1234 · 22/10/2022 22:55

I feel like there’s a lot of judging going on here. Yes in an ideal world everyone would have enough money to last while the end of the month and yes we would so have a proper cooked meal every night. However we live in the real world. Sometimes when you’ve had a shit day you don just want easy food. What’s so wrong with borrowing £20 or whatever for a quick and easy tea, that can be paid back the next day. As long as all bills are paid so what. Yes I’d be fuming if I’d stood and made a dinner and no one ate it, he should have told you his plans

Even if we agreed with the point re paying for a takeaway and borrowing money..... if you're absolutely broke and struggling to have enough food to feed your kids, who on earth throws away perfectly good roast potatoes and veg?! Absolutely insane.

If you don't like the roast potatoes reheated fine, then chop them up and whack them in some kind of tray bake or bubble and squeak etc. Lots and lots of different options - but if you're truly broke, you cannot afford to chuck out perfectly good food as you're in a sulk over poor communication.

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 23/10/2022 08:47

@Aprilx chicken and veg were in the freezer, we always have potatoes in, stuffing and gravy are always in too as they’re cupboard essentials. We just didn’t have fresh stuff.

OP posts:
JennyNotFromTheBlock · 23/10/2022 08:53

BigChesterDraws · 22/10/2022 21:55

But you’ll eat McDonald’s…

I don’t know how you reheat things but I guarantee you bubble and squeak is tastier, cheaper and better for you than anything on the McDonald’s menu.

Show quote history

@BigChesterDraws To be fair the kids wanted the McDonalds and there was no way they'd eat a roast and turn down McDonalds so that wasn't OP's fault, it was her husband's.

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 23/10/2022 08:55

I love how this thread has turned into hate against me being wasteful by throwing away £1 worth of roast potatoes, rather than my DP borrowing £25 to get a McDonald’s 😁 completely gone off topic. for people telling me to get a job, I would earn a lot less than the cost of childcare, so why would I? I’m doing the open university so once my 2 DC are at school I can get a decent job. People saying I need to budget better, why doesn’t my DP? It’s his money, it doesn’t go into my bank account, if I set up a budget I’m demanding what he does with his own money. Making a roast dinner might not be slaving away for everyone but when you’ve got a 1 year old in a sling and a very active 4 year old to entertain then it is to me. If I wouldn’t eat reheated roast potatoes and frozen veg then why would I make my children? I don’t like it. No sort of hate will make me like the taste of reheated potatoes. Which, again, is completely off topic.

OP posts: